To be upset about someone's else's parenting?

[AtSea1979]

For DD birthday, I explained to her I couldn't afford a party this year and she took it really well. I told her instead she could invite two friends to come to local playcentre and McD for tea.
Less than an hour before, one of DD friends parent informed me her DD won't be coming as "she's being naughty so she has to learn". My DD is now in floods of tears. I'm upset for her. Should I ring them back and beg them to reconsider for my DD sake? I'm guessing it's not a decision she made lightly though. But upset for DD that parent is also punishing my DD too

Not your business, IMO. If she courses to discipline her daughter in that way, it's a sad consequence for her daughter but don't try to undermine her.

For your daughter *

It isn't your business but your crying daughter is, ring her and have a word

Nothing to do with you.

I'd ring up & say how much this has upset your dd. Does the other mum realise it's only your dd and one other?

Yanbu! Of course this is really upsetting. How old is your dd? I wouldn't be too proud to phone up the other mum and plead your dd's case.

Tbh this is why I don't use things like this (situations that effect others) as punishment.

But tbh I wouldn't appreciate you ringing back and trying to get me to change my mind.

If you had said at the time 'dd will be really disappointed as there was only the 3 of them' , I wouldn't mind. But the ringing back would annoy me.

I can't imagine the mother took the decisions lightly.

So sorry your dd is upset.

It takes a lot for a parent to get to a point where they refuse to let a child go to a party. People don't do it lightly. It is a shame, but not you business. And not really any more different than if the child was ill, your dd would still be upset due to circumstances beyond your control. Do not contact the parent you could well get a very stressed parent giving you an earful that ruins any further friendship possibilities beyond hope

I can understand why your dd is upset but I don't think calling will achieve much, it's probably not a consequence she's dished out lightly. Can you take your dd and the other girl and get a cousin or neighbour or another friend and then reschedule with naughty friend another time?
Personally I never back down on my word if I tell ds he's not getting something or goimg somewhere he doesn't get it/go .

Very bad form to give your child a punishment that effectively involves another child as well. What a horrible, humiliating thing to do.
As to it not being decided upon "lightly", how do you know? Some people treat their kids in ways most of us wouldn't dream of, sometimes, they don't have to have been driven to the edge to do it.

I explained to other mum that I'd only invited her DD and one other. Other mum called back and got her DD to apologise, I pleaded my DD case and now child is coming. Phew!

Well if she didn't do it lightly and is one of those people that treat their children not very nicely I very much doubt op calling will make a difference.
Agree it's bad form to use a party as punishment.

Good solution

How do you know the other Mum wouldn't have doled out this punishment lightly? She obviously hasn't really thought it through; it is too harsh for any young child - that's why I asked how old the children were.

I might punish a teenager who had done something really bad by not letting them go out for a special occasion, perhaps, but not a little boy or girl. There are other ways to discipline a small child. It is mean. I'm not surprised you are all upset!

Ah good, glad to see your update op! Have a great day

Oh, that's a good outcome!

I always give a little extra leeway when leading up to a 'party' as I know my kids misbehave due to being over excited.

No point threatening to not let them go, as that is too mean!

Draylon my kids would deliberately act up if they thought they could get out of a shoe shopping trip! What a bizarre punishment.

OP I'm glad it got sorted. I think it's very poor parenting to impose a punishment that makes someone else's child suffer as much as your own.

Glad you got it sorted. I think it's very bad parenting to punish another DC for your own DC being naughty.

I don't even like the label of 'naughty'

I was with you until I don't even like the label of 'naughty'

Why?

I don't like labelling a child naughty - they are not a naughty child but the behaviour is unacceptable, it's a subtle but important distinction.

As for the party...I have stopped my child going to a birthday party once, due to repeatedly hurting other children. It was after weeks of it...I had to tell him that as I couldn't trust him not to spoil the party, he couldn't go.

I wouldn't have done it if it had been him and one other. That's unafir on the birthday child. I wouldn't have done it either if it had been a "pay per child" venue. I would have found another punishment.