Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to not have even thought about Christmas

18 replies

winkywinkola · 13/11/2015 07:44

and what we are doing and where we will be, if anything or anywhere. I haven't had time as it had been a month of birthdays and a whirlwind at work.

I just don't know if I want visitors this year again. I don't mind if any potential visitors make other plans. H and I haven't discussed it yet.

Why then do other people think it is okay to keep asking me and h every single time they telephone if they can come for Christmas and should they book a hotel?

They say other people are asking them to go there for Christmas. So go there then.

I think I'm kicking back against the work the is involved! I'm not stopping anyone from making their own plans. I've just it made my plans yet. I feel harassed already.

Just because everyone else wants to plan why should I feel pressured into doing the same?

Bah humbug and aibu?

OP posts:

girlywhirly · 13/11/2015 08:35

Maybe a bit U, as people need to get their food orders sorted out if not going away, and if they are hotels get booked up pretty quickly.

However you are not U to feel harassed, you aren't sure whether you want visitors this year and you've been very busy. I do think that saying to H that you don't want visitors this year and could do with a quiet Christmas and a good rest will help you enormously, people won't mind if they have other invitations elsewhere. Everyone needs time to recharge their batteries.

gamerchick · 13/11/2015 08:37

Well there's nothing wrong with planning ahead and it's not that far away if people need to book hotels. Also it's nice perhaps that you're seen as the first choice.

You need to talk to your husband and see what you both want first. Nothing wrong with a quiet one sometimes.

Topseyt · 13/11/2015 08:38

Not at all unreasonable. I don't want to think about it yet either, and I won't.

Original poster

winkywinkola · 13/11/2015 08:38

I'm not stopping anyone from getting food in or making plans though.

OP posts:

AttitcusFinchIsMyFather · 13/11/2015 08:43

Well you might be stopping them if they are hoping for an invite to yours as they would prefer to be with you.

girlywhirly · 13/11/2015 09:05

No you aren't, but they might have wanted to come to you as their first choice, especially if there is a history of them doing so.

I think you'll feel better for having made a decision and let people know, then they won't keep asking. And you will have the relief of not having to do all the work involved with having visitors for Christmas, which you are dreading I think.

AChickenCalledKorma · 13/11/2015 09:10

You don't sound as if you are in a good frame of mind for hosting loads of people. So make a decision and let them know they are free to make other plans. It's not unreasonable for you to have a quiet Christmas. But it's a bit unreasonable to leave people (presumably family) hanging on and wondering what's happening. They will end up feeling as harrassed as you do now, because they don't know whether to make alternative plans or not, and hotel rooms will be getting booked up.

angelos02 · 13/11/2015 09:15

YANBU. I don't remotely think about Christmas until at least the beginning of December.

Original poster

winkywinkola · 13/11/2015 09:28

So I'm their first choice apparently so I've got to make plans and decisions now because they've decided I'm their first choice?

OP posts:

gladisgood · 13/11/2015 09:40

Well - it's OK that you don't want to do it, but I don't think it is OK to knock people who plan theirs.

If I only started in December, I would be an exhausted wreck on Christmas Day - unable to enjoy the festivities with my DC.

There is a lot of work in organising Christmas with guests ( though if you are supremely lazy, like me - you get organised very early which means I have very little to do in December!)

I think you are very unreasonable not to let them know !

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/11/2015 09:51

"Why then do other people think it is okay to keep asking me and h every single time they telephone if they can come for Christmas and should they book a hotel?"
Who are these 'other people'? Is it usual for them to come to you? Have they had difficulty in the past getting a hotel room at short notice?

I think Christmas is one of the few occasions that involve different generations/branches of family getting together, so it's takes more co-ordinating than most other events (barring weddings). And that takes time, so most people give it that time to get the plan together with each other.

TBH it sounds as if although you haven't actively thought about it, your gut reaction is that you don't want to host - "I feel harassed already." Maybe just let them know that on the next phonecall, and they'll stop asking because they've got their answer?

PatriciaHolm · 13/11/2015 09:58

Assuming the people who ask are loved ones who might reasonably have expected to come to you, or see you, over Christmas, then YABU. If they aren't going to see you, then they need to make alternative arrangements and if they are then it sounds as if they need to book hotels. Which will be getting more expensive by the day.

Fine if you don't want to host. But if you carry on dithering you could find yourselves alone at Christmas- though it sounds as if you won't be too bothered by that!

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 13/11/2015 11:47

Yanbu to not plan for yourself but you need to say yes or no when people ask about coming to stay because it's not that far away if they need to book hotels etc. Better to just say no to visitors so they can make other plans.

No you don't need to do shopping lists and decoration planning but yabu to keep people hanging on about whether they can come or not. Just say no and have s quiet relaxed christmas at hone

TurnOffTheTv · 13/11/2015 11:49

Who are all these people ringing you??

TheHouseOnTheLane · 13/11/2015 11:52

If you have always had them to yours then of course they're checking.

Shakey15000 · 13/11/2015 11:53

I agree you need to make a decision and let folk know what that is. And for yourself (one less stress etc)

We normally have the conversation about now. Not that it really changes regarding family/friends. We all do our own thing on the 25th then get together the 26th. My closest friend stays over with DH, DS and I.

I am usually so disorganised present buying wise but got ahead this year due to the Argos 3 for 2 on toys

Sallystyle · 13/11/2015 12:09

I've done nothing.

Not even saved any money. I have five children

I have made no plans because I'm still waiting to see what I'm working. Which is annoying me now.

TheOnlyPink · 13/11/2015 16:01

Ya definitely nbu when it only effects you and your family. When and what you plan for your own household is totally up to you.
But I think yabu to be complaining about other people wanting to know your plans so they can plan around you wrt hotels and travel. You only have to tell them yes or no, there's no other thought involved really. They, understandably, want a chance to book preferred accommodation, or confirm with other people so those people can make their own plans.
It's not unreasonable for people to ask.

Flip