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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take dd's friend on holiday with us

26 replies

cariadlet · 10/11/2015 19:31

It's not really an AIBU - more posting here for traffic.

dd 13 is our only child. When she was little she was happy to hang around with her parents on holiday, but now that she's older we thought it would be nice for her to have somebody her own age to be with.

We have booked a week away in Florida and are taking one of dd's friends with us. We've had dd's friends for sleepovers and days out, but have never taken one on holiday before.

Has anybody got any experience of doing this? Any advice or useful tips?

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 10/11/2015 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iPaid · 10/11/2015 19:33

Good idea - we might do the same when DD is a teen.

Are the friend's parents paying for her flights, accommodation? What about food and spending money?

Leavingsosoon · 10/11/2015 19:35

It's a good idea, I don't know how happy I'd feel about it though. Have the other parents given it the green light?

janethegirl2 · 10/11/2015 19:36

When mine were little we picked up the costs for our Dcs friends. Although we never took the friends abroad. It tended to be self catering, so we only needed to get the next size up in accommodation although we often needed to take 2 cars.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 10/11/2015 19:36

From 12-16 I had friends come on holiday. I loved it apart from the year of the bitch.

Original poster
cariadlet · 10/11/2015 19:39

ipaid - we're paying so no awkward conversations or misunderstandings to come.

We offered to pay when we asked if the friend would like to come - we thought that the friend's parents might feel uncomfortable about it, so phrased it as them doing us a favour by making the holiday more fun for our dd (which is true)

It didn't seem fair to ask them to pay cos the friend has 3 sisters and we couldn't expect them to spend that money on 1 when they wouldn't be on the others. If things had worked out for us dd would have had a sibling, so over the years we must have saved a fortune, by only having to pay for flights for the 3 of us, and by booking family rooms and triple rooms.

OP posts:
allinall · 10/11/2015 19:48

My dd went on holiday with a school friend and her parents when she was 14. The friend was an only child. They went to Spain, self catering. The friend's parents paid for her fare and accommodation, we sent dd with spending money, just for ice creams, drinks etc. We gave the parents some money so they could all have a nice meal out, they wouldn't accept anything else.

Dd had a nice time, she was a bit homesick once or twice, but we spoke on the phone a few times and it was generally a good experience for dd, and the friend said it was much better than their usual holidays! They mostly swam in the pool, lay on the beach, nothing special, but more fun with a friend.

We knew the family well and they had had lots of sleepovers together, but I still worried, mostly about them being abroad. But all went well overall.

Original poster
cariadlet · 10/11/2015 19:54

One thing I wondered about was if dd's friend was ill or had an accident and we had to take her to hospital. Does anybody know if we'd be automatically be considered to be acting in loco parentis or if we'd need to do something official in advance?

OP posts:
Peachypeaches · 10/11/2015 20:02

We took a letter from the friends parents giving us authority to travel with him, and also to consent to emergency medical treatment. I think we got the template from the Home Office website, and got it countersigned by the school. It was scrutinised on the way back in to the UK, so I was really glad that we had it. The friend was also asked a few questions about who we were to him, and how long he had known us etc, so it might be worth preparing the friend that this might happen so she doesn't panic.

The friend also had his own insurance policy, and one excellent feature was that they would arrange to fly a parent out to him in case of a medical emergency.

Original poster
cariadlet · 10/11/2015 20:05

Thanks Peachypeaches. That's really helpful.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 10/11/2015 20:11

I think a letter of authority would be very helpful. I would ask the parents to wait at the airport on your way out until you've boarded too just in case of queries. It sounds like a lovely idea for your dd.

Shakey15000 · 10/11/2015 20:20

I did it once with DSD and a friend. I think they were about 12? (I've slept since then!) I'll be honest, I wouldn't have done it again as I found it too stressful being in charge of somebody.else's.child. I spent more time watching her than DSD in case anything happened. To be fair, I am a bit of a stresshead though Smile needed another holiday to get over it

SavageBeauty73 · 10/11/2015 20:23

My DD (13) went away last summer with her best friend and family. We are very good friends and we've been on group holidays a lot.

DD FaceTimed me loads. She had a fantastic time.

AlwaysHope1 · 10/11/2015 20:29

That's really lovely you op, I'm sure both girls are going to have the best time. At least you and your dh can get some time alone as well when they're offGrin

BestZebbie · 10/11/2015 20:47

OOI, what does your DD think?

I am an only child and had one year wher my parents decided that I should bring a friend on our family holiday as I was a teenager, I wasn't bothered and so went along with it. I had a good time with the friend there, but I really missed not getting the quality family-only time with my parents that year and so I turned down the offer of friends on any of our family holidays thereafter.

pineapplecrush · 10/11/2015 21:29

We took my daughter's friend to California for 2 weeks this summer. It worked very well, thought it might be last holiday for a while dd might do with us. They both older - 17 - and were able to do their own thing, go to beach, cycle, horse riding etc. DD's friend is extremely easy going, independent and sorted and they got on well. Her parents paid for her holiday (we didn't include any hire car costs for her) and gave us money for trips and food. It wouldn't have been the same without her.

4yoniD · 10/11/2015 21:49

My parents did the same with me ages ago. Looking back it was great fun for us but we probably spent the whole holiday giggling and whispering!

I have seen mention on another site (facebook page Orlando something or other) that the US could be particular about the exact wording of a letter - I think they wanted full names of parent(s) and child.

Leeds2 · 10/11/2015 21:51

We took DD's friend (different ones!) abroad at aged 9, 10, 14 and 17. 10 year old got homesick which was a pain (she had been with us on a 5 day foreign break previously with no issues whatsoever, this time her phone didn't always work so she couldn't call home every day which upset her), but the rest had no issues and DD had a great time. Only thing we asked the parents to pay for was insurance. None of them contributed anything, as in bought ice creams, coffee etc, but I got some lovely flowers on our return!

stopfaffing · 10/11/2015 21:57

We have done this when our DD and DS were young and it was a super holiday, years later they still talk about it Grin. We rented a house with a pool and that was a really good idea too. Get a notarised letter authorising you taking a non family member abroad. The friends paid their airfare, Disney tickets and insurance, we paid accommodation, food, travel.

Your DD will be delighted to have her friend to share all the fantastic times. Take loads of pics and film and make up a photo-book when they return.

battlebacktonewlife · 10/11/2015 22:50

My Mum did this when I was a teenager and we went to Disney, I wouldn't have had nearly as good a time without my friend there.

Fantastic idea and well done!

Mishaps · 10/11/2015 22:54

We took friends of the children on many occasions and it always worked out very well. I will always remember one DD and her friend cycling off together round traffic free Sark, with a basket of sandwiches - they loved it! - and we settled down to read a book on the beach - win-win!

Fatmomma99 · 10/11/2015 23:37

Aren't you lovely! both to your DC and her BF. How gorgeous for both of them!

Agree with all that's gone before, but would add, the BF needs to know that she can contact her parents any time, and you will facilitate this (and you should) but also, she's going to be under YOUR "rules", and you and her parents should be VERY clear on this.

Have a lovely time!

yeOldeTrout · 11/11/2015 00:21

DD had an invite like this once.
She was younger, only 9, which I didn't like.
The other problem is I felt an obligation to reciprocate; but how could we? What if our girls fell out before we could or maybe I just didn't want that much responsibility for their girl.

So anyway, just saying don't take it bad if people decline. It's a little bit awkward.

Original poster
cariadlet · 11/11/2015 19:23

Thanks for all the replies. It's nice to hear so many positive stories and I've found a consent form online for dd's BF's parents to sign.

OP posts:
HesterShaw · 11/11/2015 19:25

We used to do this reasonably often. My sister was the youngest and once brother and I had upped and left, she always took a mate. They were always family friends too though, so they were used to my parents' mad little ways. I took a friend once, and it didn't really work because we were too independent and my mother was too fucking mental - she pissed off the friend quite a lot. But I'm sure you're not!