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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU "its in man's DNA to look"

19 replies

anniehudders · 09/11/2015 19:53

I have serious insecurity issues, and my other half has spoken dirty to a few girls so this doesn't help my confidence. Watching the darts and I noticed he's sitting there, mouth wide open drool coming out looking at the girls walking with a darts player!

He says its because he's a man he has to look. But it makes me feel like shit, I feel like I have to compete to get his attention.

Who is BU?

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 09/11/2015 19:54

Well I thought the title said cook. That would be a very different thing
yanbu
hib a nob

lljkk · 09/11/2015 19:55

Sounds like a prick to me.
A real man can exert some self-control and not make his looking obvious to the woman he pretends to care about.

tilliebob · 09/11/2015 19:55

He's an arse. A disrespectful arse at that. I could say more but that's the crux of the matter really. Don't you think you deserve better?

Crazygirl123 · 09/11/2015 19:56

While men are hardwired to keep on the lookout for new mates, he is certainly using this as an excuse

NewLife4Me · 09/11/2015 19:57

Some men do look and it's normal for some men to look too.
it's the attitude that's important imo.
Yours is showing a shit attitude tbh.

Some men drool or are leary, like yours this is being a nob

Enjolrass · 09/11/2015 19:57

Both me and dh do a bit of 'window shopping' now and again. I honestly don't have an issue with noticing some one is attractive.

No mouth open or drool though.

It's not in a mans Dna, nor is it nice to be so obvious.

Is it really that obvious? Or are you quote insecure and making more out of it. If he is drooling, it's just creepy

Oysterbabe · 09/11/2015 19:59

I think all men check out other women. I do too actually, probably more than him! But it's very disrespectful to be obvious about it.

MsJamieFraser · 09/11/2015 19:59

So you look at other men? And think they are good looking? I do and I openly tell my husband and him me, I do find it is natural to find other people attractive.

However me and dh respect each other and have trust in our relationship.

I think you have bigger things to be worried about than him finding other women attractive.

MagicalHamSandwich · 09/11/2015 19:59

XH used to say the same thing - it's part of the reason why he's an ex!

TBH I do think it's part of human (female as well as male) nature to look - I've certainly done it except maybe in those first few really hormone driven months of a new relationship where you're completely blind to anyone but your new love. To do it in front of your SO, be so blatant about it and then so completely unapologetic seems rather respectless to me, though, and is not something I accept in a partner.

MsJamieFraser · 09/11/2015 19:59

Do not so!

OhMakeMeOver · 09/11/2015 20:00

He is being unreasonable.

I've always thought it's a man's instinct to go "spreading his seed" and a woman's to be broody?

EITHER way... It's the 21st century, he has a partner and a brain. And, hopefully, morals? I hate when men do this, especially when you are sitting RIGHT there. They don't have to let their eyes wander, it's amazing but... they can control them!

EWLT · 09/11/2015 20:02

I think it would be a strange man or woman who didn't enjoy looking at an attractive member of the opposite sex. It's not normal to be openly letching and making your partner unhappy though.

StellaAlpina · 09/11/2015 20:03

I'm not sure everyone does look, male or female.

Mildly amusing example...On Saturday me and DH were watching Strictly and I commented that one of the female dancers had lovely legs, in an appreciative 'i'd like legs like that' sort of way. DHs respoonse was 'no, i think they should be a bit more bendy in the rumba'.

Original poster

anniehudders · 09/11/2015 20:05

Ok perhaps the drooling was over exaggerated, but his mouth was wide open! As soon as her tits were on the screen he couldn't tear his eyes away!

As silly as it sounds, I do not look at any other men in that way, I don't have any celeb crushes wereas he has loads so its quite hard for me to understand. I didn't tell him to stop looking but he could barely hide it

OP posts:

Enjolrass · 09/11/2015 20:10

Tbh me and dh were watching something the other night and it went to a shot of a man naked in the shower. Can't even remember what film it was.

My mouth dropped open a bit as I didn't expect a naked ass. It wasn't an impressive ass, the ass caught me off guard. Dh laughed.

The point is that if he was just a bit shocked to see the cleavage on the big screen then Yabu.

But it sounds like this is a regular occurrence and he hasn't even denied he was being creepy. In which case Yanbu.

In general though I don't see the issue with having a look, when done in a none creepy way

Original poster

anniehudders · 09/11/2015 20:10

The dirty talking thing we've already spoken about but I didn't want to drip feed

I caught him looking at a woman's arse once and he made out he was looking at a building. He's actually just admitted it was her arse he was looking at! Don't see why he lies, it makes me feel even worse

OP posts:

SummerNights1986 · 09/11/2015 20:13

I do think it's difficult not to 'look' sometimes. I do it - i'd imagine DH does sometimes. But, if he does, I've never noticed it and he's never come over like a pervy letch. Which makes all the difference IMO.

YANBU op and your dp sounds like a twat.

InTheBox · 09/11/2015 20:22

Yanbu. If you feel the need to 'compete' to get his attention then he's really not yours. It makes you feel like shit and it sounds as though he doesn't give a flying.

OliviaDunham · 09/11/2015 20:27

Your not competing for attention ffs - it's a woman on the TV!!

Everyone looks, whether they admit it or not.

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