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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want dd to go on trip

31 replies

Girlwithnoname1 · 21/10/2015 19:45

Please be kind....

Dd is statemented & goes to mainstream school, school trip this year is abroad.

School will not take DD unless I go with her - at an additional cost (the trips £600 - and an additional £200 for me)

Unfortunately I'll be 36 weeks pregnant when the trip happens. So really it's not going to happen.

Is it unreasonable to be heartbroken the school don't seem to have any equal opportunities for her, there's no alternative trip. DD is desperate to go, but can't dress independently, and needs tube feeding twice during the night. School are trained to give feed even though they don't have to do it during school atm.

OP posts:

CrohnicallyAspie · 21/10/2015 20:02

I'm not 100% on the law... But it seems to me that this is discrimination because she is disabled, they're not insisting all able bodied/NT pupils take their parents with them? The question is whether it is lawful discrimination or not (I know in some circumstances such as health and safety grounds discrimination is allowed, such as not allowing a severely physically disabled person to go on certain fairground rides)

ValancyJane · 21/10/2015 20:04

Is there another adult who could accompany her? Maybe an Auntie or something? I can see why you want your DD to go, but in the nicest way I do think you're asking a lot from the school in terms of a carer role for your daughter's medical needs. Being trained to tube feed in an emergency one-off situation would probably be quite different to doing this routinely twice a night for the duration of a trip. They also may not feel comfortable helping her with dressing (they may already do this after PE if she does this, but there is a huge difference in changing from PE kit to school uniform and getting dressed for the day).

At our secondary school I know a girl who is statemented and went on a trip abroad, the school sent a HLTA as one of the members of staff which worked well. However, her needs were not as medically complex as your daughter's. I also know another boy who is statemented and last year the school (due to behavioural concerns - he won't follow basic instructions a lot of the time and will run off) would only take him on a trip if a family member could come. I'm not sure, but it may be policy that by offering for a family member to come they are making the trip accessible, as in your situation.

You might get more specific advice on the Special Needs board. I hope someone else might be able to go with her and your DD gets to go, it would be a shame if she missed out!

Justmyluck1 · 21/10/2015 20:05

Oh bless her. Of course she's dissapointed and of course you are too.

Surely the school could sort this. Request a meeting to explore the options. Could another family member go with her?

Original poster

Girlwithnoname1 · 21/10/2015 20:06

To be honest, discrimination on not its just heartbreaking they won't take her, she's not severely disabled, although needs help with dressing & choosing clothes, help putting toothpaste in brush, and rinsing her hair in the shower.
She has minor mobility problems but gets around okay on her own with a walking frame.
It's the tube feeding I think that frightens them. When really it's very simple, and impossible to harm her by getting it wrong.

OP posts:

lljkk · 21/10/2015 20:08

really? There's not a big infection risk with tube feeding?

CrohnicallyAspie · 21/10/2015 20:09

www.rota.org.uk/webfm_send/231

look at pages 15, 16 and 19

It looks like it is unlawful for them to pass on the extra cost to meet her needs to you... So it might be lawful for them to insist on a family member or carer to accompany her, or depending on the distance for her to come home at night for the feeds, but they shouldn't be charging you any extra, the funds should come from school.

Axekick · 21/10/2015 20:11

See if you can have a meeting. It maybe that they can't get insurance without your dd having someone with her.

How long is the trip? Can you pay for someone else to go?

PHANTOMnamechanger · 21/10/2015 20:14

I feel for you, as someone who has attended a trip with school to cope with DDs very minor needs (and incidentally, since I was not tied 24/7 to my own childs care I was classed as one of the adults and did not pay for the trip).

Have a friend with a child who uses a wheelchair and can not shower etc unaided, and every trip one or other parent has to go - taking some of their holiday from work.

I do feel it is unfair of you to expect that teachers to do all that. I alos don't think it is discriminatory because they are willing to suggest a way around it, they are not saying the child just can't go. It is very unfortunate that you will be unable to go as in late pg, but is there no other responsible adult who could go instead? aunt? active grandparent?

Axekick · 21/10/2015 20:17

You need clarification on the costs too. It doesn't seem to be clear to me.

CrohnicallyAspie · 21/10/2015 20:18

phantom that sounds about right... Thinking about it we have had children go on trips with parents (on a voluntary basis, we offer a choice of parent or their usual assistant) and they always go for free, in some cases their entrance fees are worked into the school trip budget or sometimes if the child receives DLA the place will allow a 1-1 carer for them in free.

ilovechristmas123 · 21/10/2015 20:21

i do think it's a big ask of the school as it sounds like your dd has significant needs

i can see there concerns to be honest

fastdaytears · 21/10/2015 20:21

Going along with your DD is one thing but it doesn't seem right to be charging you. Does sound like discrimination to me.
Hope you can find someone else. I would do this if it was my niece or similar in a heartbeat. Can't think of a better use of annual leave, of course your DD should be able to go.

Original poster

Girlwithnoname1 · 21/10/2015 20:24

I'm hoping my sister may be able to go, but she's in her final year of a nursing degree so it might be that she can't, depending on exams & stuff.

I do understand that the school feel that it's too much without having a carer for dd. I just feel it's a bit unfair. She's 12, she doesn't want her mum on a school trip, it's just not cool.
And no, there's no infection risk at all with tube feeding. DD can clean the tube site herself, and even do do a large part of the feed itself, she just can't attach the extension set herself, and the feeds are done at night whilst she's asleep to encourage her to eat during the day. (And because the school don't like doing tube feeds) she actually has them during the day at weekends & holidays inbetween meals so I don't have to get up during the night.

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 21/10/2015 20:41

Och thats a shame i have a phsyical disability i wasnt allowed to go either my mum was also pregnant i was gutted see if you can get your sister or somebody to go with her speak to the school the girl in my dds had a Senco assistant go with her when the went on trips.

Youarentkiddingme · 21/10/2015 20:41

Is there no way you could organise fornDD to have a pump for overnight feeds? This would eliminate some of the waking night stuff? Or even have the pump early evening so it's off before she goes to bed?

I don't know your Dd but as its personal care needs and she's travelling with peers who are likely fully independent - does she need a 1:1 at all times or just 1:1 for particular aspects of daily care? If it's particular aspects surely someone can assist/prompt her who is also responsible for children who are independently completing the tasks?

MrsJayy · 21/10/2015 20:43

On an abroad trip i meant to say

Brioche201 · 21/10/2015 21:01

A residential school trip isn't part of the school day though is it, so I don't think they are obliged to include her at no extra cost.If a dedicated carer goes and you don't pay then how would their travel costs be met? You surely don't expect it to be shared between the other participants!!
I don't think expecting teachers to get up twice in the night and do tube feeds is a 'reasonable adjustment' !

fastdaytears · 21/10/2015 21:04

No the other participants shouldn't be paying but then the parents don't pay when there's a ramp put in at school or for a 1:1 TA do they?

I thought school trips were covered by discrimination legislation but I'm miles from an expert.

Original poster

Girlwithnoname1 · 21/10/2015 21:10

She doesn't like the pump as it means she can't move around in bed - she wiggles a lot & it often ends up alarming throughout the night, so two blolu's of 200ml seem to work better for her, we have quite a busy lifestyle, she's out at clubs & different activities most days after school so a pump feed between dinner & bed just didn't work with our routine unfortunately, but I've been getting up for over 2 years & doing now, it just becomes part of the daily care she gets & doesn't case any issues for me. When baby comes I may feel differently about getting up more during the night but time will tell.

I guess it's just bad timing, I suppose worst case scenario I could potentially pay a carers to go with her, I'm sure there must be some private home carers that would be up for a trip abroad.

In terms of care she doesn't need constant 1:1 care, but will need 'extra' care with things, unfortunately her TA from school won't be going on the trip, and it's not fair to really ask a teacher to provide that level of care.

Fingers crossed my sister can go on the trip. Luckily the school are willing to hold our deposit, which would normally be non refundable.

OP posts:

Original poster

Girlwithnoname1 · 21/10/2015 21:12

And as I said, DD could easily have the tube feeds during the day, the only reason she doesn't is really because the school don't want to do them.
At weekends & school holidays I do them during the day.

OP posts:

Youarentkiddingme · 21/10/2015 21:28

School can't refuse to do the feeds because they don't want to - she's fully entitled to reasonable adjustments.

I really don't think you can be asked to pay for carer. That's not inclusive.

Could you ring IPsEA for advice on where you stand legally?

Original poster

Girlwithnoname1 · 21/10/2015 21:52

I'm not adverse to paying to have an extra place, I get DLA for dd so will just use that to pay it.
I'm just gutted that she might not be able to go really.
As I've said I don't expect the school to provide that level of care.
It's just upsetting that it's another 'can't do' for dd because of her disability when I try so hard to focus on the 'can do' things.
If I'm honest maybe I feel like I've not even had baby at this point & im already letting her down by not being able to go, even if I do manage to find someone else to go with her, it's still me letting her down.

OP posts:

fastdaytears · 21/10/2015 21:53

Don't say that! I bet your DD is really excited about the baby

Youarentkiddingme · 21/10/2015 22:13

You are not letting her down.

There will be a way. Your DD will forever remember the time mum made the trip possible not the fact mum wasn't there.

MrsJayy · 21/10/2015 22:22

Aww no you are not letting her down at all dont say that hopefully you and school can sort it so she can go would a teacher or somebody not do her feeding tube training

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