Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to have a baby at 45?

203 replies

broodyolderlady · 09/10/2015 22:16

I am 45 and I have 2 lovely DCs who are 18 and 16. I have been thinking about having another baby for a while. The urge has recently become stronger to the extent that I'm having trouble focusing on other things. I actually had a vivid dream a few nights ago where I was pregnant. I've become obsessed with reading the threads on MN for ladies who are 40+ and expecting or trying to conceive. I have also combed over lots of old threads from older mums who have gotten BFPs. I absolutely love reading them Grin. Am I BU or selfish for considering it? Do any ladies of older vintage have recent pregnancy success stories or cautionary tales they wouldn't mind sharing?

OP posts:
monkeysox · 09/10/2015 22:17

I wouldn't but loads do. Pros and cons list needed?

EatShitDerek · 09/10/2015 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eveysdad · 09/10/2015 22:18

If you can support a new baby, love a new baby and give a new baby a stable and solid home then how's that selfish? Putting more thought into it than millions of others. Grin

geekymommy · 09/10/2015 22:23

If you're worried about chromosome abnormalities, I think you've still got around a 95% chance of normal chromosomes if you're 45 when the baby is born.

I'm 40 and have a 3 month old DS.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/10/2015 22:23

What does your partner think, if you have one and aren't a journalist?

TheoriginalLEM · 09/10/2015 22:24

PROS - you are likely more settled and financially stable now.

-I'm sure there's more ........

Cons - increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities
You WILL be exhausted
Do you really want to put yourself through it again?

But if it's meant to be......... Wink

RandomMess · 09/10/2015 22:25

I think you have a severe case of rose tinted glasses! I would love to have another baby now, but then I remember the challenging years and remember I may well be needed for granny duties in the not so distance future.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 09/10/2015 22:27

Have you thought about how you'd feel about having a 10 year old at 55, or a teenager at 60? That's when it gets hard. My friend is an older mum (second marriage with 2 older kids). She was 25 having the first one. She's now 66 and DD3 is just going off to uni. That's a !ot of years of child rearing.

SionnachDana · 09/10/2015 22:29

don't do it. I'm very close to your age but my children are younger. I would shoot myself if I found out I was pregnant. Enjoy the freedom! It probably wouldn't happen for you anyway so don't raise your hopes. I don't know of anybody who got pregnant naturally beyond after 44.

BikeRunSki · 09/10/2015 22:29

Do you want to have a teenager in your 60s though?

BikeRunSki · 09/10/2015 22:30

X post MrsLeigh

VelvetSpoon · 09/10/2015 22:30

I'm 43 and if things were different, I'd do it. My DC are mid/late teens, but I always wanted a third.

However my bf has 2 DC of his own, so 4 between us. We've only been together 18 months, which is too soon to have a DC together, we don't even live together yet! And he's happy with the DC he's already got, and the nice life we have together. As am I generally speaking, but I do still get a bit wistful over babies, and what might have been.

TracyBarlow · 09/10/2015 22:33

I was 19 when my mum had my youngest sister. My mum was 45. It wasn't planned and was a big shock.

However, my mum and dad don't regret having her for one second. She's really kept them young. She's in her second year at uni now and doing really well. I think she likes having big sisters to help her out with cash gifts

darkesttwilight · 09/10/2015 22:39

I don't understand why having a teenager in your sixties is seen as shocking at all. Am I missing a trick? Confused

Tokelau · 09/10/2015 22:42

I'm 44 and I feel just like you OP. One DC is in university and the other starting GCSEs. I'd love another baby but I don't want to be pregnant or give birth.

shutupanddance · 09/10/2015 22:42

Dear god noooooooo

NanaNina · 09/10/2015 22:43

My mom was 44 when I was born (4th child) and my parents were far more permissive than my friends with "normal" aged parents. I think the thing is for the OP is that the chances of conceiving at 45 are extremely low, so it's unlikely to happen.

TabithaTwitchEye · 09/10/2015 22:44

I think if you and your partner really want another, do it. You never regret the children you have, etc

northernsoul78 · 09/10/2015 22:44

If your dp feels same go for it. I had a dd at 43 and it has been plain sailing.

TabithaTwitchEye · 09/10/2015 22:46

To the previous PP, I think the idea that the likelihood of conceiving at 44 being really low is a fallicy - just look at the amount of people here who have babies at this age. Yes, statistically it's less likely, but I think it's by no means unlikely!

AnyoneButAndre · 09/10/2015 22:48

A miscarriage is a more likely outcome than a baby. How many would you be prepared to face?

And how old is your DP?

And do either of you smoke? (Crucial factor in deciding whether you have a good chance of both seeing your DCs through to adulthood in decent health)

Lolimax · 09/10/2015 22:49

I'm with shutupanddance! Mine are 17 and 18 and I'm enjoying my freedom as much as they're enjoying theirs. In the next 10 years I'd hope to be a grandmother but for now no more babies!!

sproketmx · 09/10/2015 22:50

If you want it, as in both of you then do it. I'm only 29 but I can't put an age on when il be 'done' for good. I love being a mum and I enjoy pregnancy too so I've never really been put off.

PrancingQueen · 09/10/2015 22:52

I was 44 when I had DS and I'm a lone parent. Apart from feeling knackered, (he's 3 now) it's been an absolute joy having him!

I think he's kept me young Grin

The downsides I suppose, are hoping I'll still be around to see my grandchildren, and most of my friends have older children, but the positives outweigh the negatives!

If your partner feels the same, go for it!

Sparklingbrook · 09/10/2015 22:54

What are the 18 and 16 year olds doing? I can't imagine having a newborn and an adult child at University.

Swipe left for the next trending thread