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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for advice on clingy baby

12 replies

TiredLadyNeedsSleep · 05/09/2015 11:00

My DD is 8 months old, for the past month or so shes been incredibly clingy with me. Shes hysterical if i go out of site, she gets that upset she makes herself retch. She used to go sleep by herself but now shell only sleep if im holding her. Shes suddenly stopped liking baths ( which she previously loved ) and is only calm if i get in the bath with her.

We went for some lunch with my friend and it was awful, same as at home she just wanted to be held the entire time, i had to take her to the toilet with me ( same as at home ) because as soon as i passed her to my friend ( who shes knkw all her life and sees reguarlly) my dd got hysterical.

When she eventually goes sleep if i put her in bed she wakes up, ive started having to put her in my bed on a pillow, when she falls asleep i move her and the pillow into her cot.

Im at my wits end, the only peace i get is when she has her 80 minute nap in the morning. She has 20 minutes at about 3 then goes bed at 7.30/8ish.

What can i do to make her realise its ok if im not there for a few minutes? Im struggling at the minute,

I bought a sling so i didnt have to leave her but shes heavy nd it hurts my back if i have her in it for over an hour.

Please can someone advixe me what they did?

OP posts:

Oysterbabe · 05/09/2015 11:03

Sounds very hard. Is she ok with her dad? Can he give you a rest?

TracyBarlow · 05/09/2015 11:19

Sounds tough OP but this is just a normal part of having a baby. It is separation anxiety and is very common at that age. I know it's very hard but there's not a lot you can really 'do' to solve it. Just keep holding her, cuddling her and showing her lots of love and she'll realise that when you leave her for a second you always come back.

Some parents find that playing peekaboo around the door, leaving longer and longer lengths of time between each reappearance works, but it never did with mine I'm afraid.

ThedementedPenguin · 05/09/2015 11:21

I think it can be pretty normal. Both of mine got quite clingy around 8/9 months..

It will pass(hopefully soon) but in the mean time id be around her loads, she obviously doesn't like it when you leave and I think forcing it will make it into a bigger issue and will make things worse..

What sling did you get? Could you find a local sling meet so you could try a few as that will probably help.

Goldmandra · 05/09/2015 11:26

Babies go through a period of development where they realise that you are a separate person from them and can be apart from them but they aren't aware that you continue to exist when you are out of their sight or that you will reappear very soon. They continue to feel this separation anxiety once they are able to crawl so that they instinctively stay relatively close to you and safe.

It will pass. Just keep her with you, reassure her and don't worry too much if you have to pass her to someone else for a few minutes. It won't hurt her to be upset but, at the same time, it won't teach her anything so don't do it any more than you need to.

IJustLostTheGame · 05/09/2015 11:30

Agree with above.
It's tough.
Try playing boo. Bung bubs in a chair and facing the door and jump in and out of the doorway. It sounds mad but it helped us. Something about me always popping back seemed to reassure our dd

BlanketsAndBiscuits · 05/09/2015 11:31

I second separation anxiety.
Its hell on earth, but it does pass

Do you play peek a boo games with her? Hide behind a door/sofa/whatever and pop up after a few seconds.
Took a couple of weeks with DD till I was able to use the loo/make a sandwich in peace

HexBramble · 05/09/2015 11:36

Go with it OP - your baby has realised the importance of having you around for her survival and seeing you vanish terrifies her. She doesn't yet understand that nipping to the loo for a minute or two is a temporary absence - she just thinks that you're 'gone' forever. This is called separation anxiety and is totally normal.

As with every other phase, she will develop out of it and will soon be happier with you out of sight. Just don't push things - it's not indulging nor spoiling her - it's just letting her know that you're always there.

HexBramble · 05/09/2015 11:37

Gah! ?X posts! I'm such a sloooow typist

PuttingouthefirewithGasoline · 05/09/2015 11:39

very normal and some would argue no such thing as a clingy baby.

try picking her up more for no reason when you have no intention of leaving room.

its vry normal as peeps said, dont worry. she is learning you are seperate from her.

TheMotherOfHellbeasts · 05/09/2015 12:13

I agree about trying a different sling, when DS was about six months old we moved onto woven wrap slings, he's a toddler now and weights nearly four stone and I can comfortably carry him for hours, desire bring in poor health myself. The type of sling, and adjusting it properly make a massive difference.
To be honest I've never thought of him as clingy, I just accepted that I wouldn't be doing anything by myself until he had the confidence for me to, I've never pushed him and now he's an extremely confident, phased by nothing, steamroller of a little boy. Eight months old is still tiny, just give it time.

lemoncordial · 05/09/2015 16:41

Try to go to your local sling library to he advice on a suitable sling. I use a sling for my 12 month old and she never feels too heavy. I carry her in it every day, I rarely use a pushchair.

Lurkedforever1 · 05/09/2015 16:54

Agree with pps, all entirely normal separation anxiety. I just went with it, and eventually she went back to her usual confident and sociable self. The only thing I did was leave her to it as much as possible, so she was the one that edged away from me instead of vice versa. Once she realised I'd stay put when she moved slightly away, she moved a bit further next time and so on, because she was confident I was still where she'd left me.
It's no less tiring and difficult at the time for knowing it's normal and will pass though!

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