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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To write a note to this girls mum?

27 replies

teaandporridge · 03/09/2015 20:00

my ds who is 10 was at and school activity the other day, he had his belongings in a bag he normally only uses for his sport. This bag is special in a way. We lived abroad a couple of years ago and it was a Christmas present costing roughly €60 as it is team merchandise.

Now, at the after school activity, a gild in his class tied one of the straps to a pole without my ds knowing (I have no idea why) so when he went to lift his bag it ripped the strap and broke so is now unusable and he's a bit sad about the bag as well. We would need to go abroad to get another one!

I normally let these things go, accidents happen and my ds is prone to a lot of them himself, but this wasn't an accident and the bag has sentimental value. I feel like writing a note the girls parents to tell them what happened and that it wasn't just any old bag but to be honest, what would it gain? I'm not going to go and buy a new one! But, it's annoying me. Wibu to do this?

OP posts:

SuburbanRhonda · 03/09/2015 20:02

How does he know the girl tied his bag to a pole?

Wolfiefan · 03/09/2015 20:03

Um yes. Grown ups don't pass notes. I can understand you aren't impressed but perhaps a lesson never to send anything to school that has any emotional attachment.
Have a word with the teacher to check it was dealt with in school?

LookingUpAtTheStars · 03/09/2015 20:04

What pp said and also, even if the girl did tie the bag to a pole, she couldn't have known what would happen or intended for it to get damaged could she?

scatterthenuns · 03/09/2015 20:08

Can the strap be mended?

scatterthenuns · 03/09/2015 20:09

Also don't write a note. Kids play and break things sometimes accidentally. I'm sure your DS doesn't safeguard and cherish the bag at all times either.

Original poster

teaandporridge · 03/09/2015 20:09

Sorry, the reason I said pass a note is because my ds walks to and from school himself so I am not there to even speak with her mother myself.

Well, my ds said that's what happened I never really thought to question it, maybe I should?! It just seemed quite detailed to be a lie but I suppose how did he know exactly who it was? God I can be very gullible!

OP posts:

Hufflepuffin · 03/09/2015 20:10

I expect a cobbler wild be able to fix it!

Wolfiefan · 03/09/2015 20:10

He may well know who did what but the point is parents should allow the school to sort out any issues.

BikeRunSki · 03/09/2015 20:11

Speak to the girl's mother. Take the bag to a cobbler to see if they can mend it.

Original poster

teaandporridge · 03/09/2015 20:12

Sorry I don't know how to reply to people individually but the person who pointed out that my ds probably doesn't look after his bag very well has made a very valid point! He doesn't look after anything, we are currently arguing about 1 missing shoe!

It's probably more sentimental to me than him, never really thought about it like that. Thanks for the input

OP posts:

PaintedTshirt · 03/09/2015 20:19

If it was tied to a pole, I'm guessing the girl was just fiddling with it? It doesn't sound like she was intending to damage his bag, it was just a freak accident.

School probably isn't the place for anything of either monetary or sentimental value tbh.

Yabu

msgrinch · 03/09/2015 20:24

Maybe he broke it, worried about your reaction and made up a story to cover it. Not thinking you'd confront the girl.

Hoppinggreen · 03/09/2015 20:33

What would you want to achieve from a note?
For the parent to offer to replace? Sounds impossible
Girl apologise ? Sounds like a silly accident
Girl get told off? See above

I really don't think that there is anything to be gained from a note so I would forget it and see if it can be mended. I appreciate the bag has sentimental value but it is just a bag really and if used every day by a 10 year old it may not last too long unfortunately.

Original poster

teaandporridge · 03/09/2015 20:38

Hmm glad I posted now, I feel quite stupid for actually considering this after reading replies! If it's any consolation my usual sounding board is away on training !

OP posts:

Reubs15 · 03/09/2015 20:40

Don't pass a note, it's childish. Don't send anything "special" to school. Rookie mistake!

poocatcherchampion · 03/09/2015 20:51

You had a few years love for the bag. Thank it and send it on its way

JustHavinABreak · 03/09/2015 22:28

Gotta love mumsnet for this kind of thing. Very reasonable mum comes on here to be "talked down" and all is well with the world again. Makes parenting that bit easier!

SuburbanRhonda · 03/09/2015 22:40

We have a rucksack that has been used by both my DCs since 1999. Recently one of the main straps started to come away.

I've just picked it up today from the Turkish dry cleaners who also do repairs. It cost £4 and is as good as new

steppemum · 03/09/2015 22:42

get the bag mended.

WorraLiberty · 03/09/2015 22:52

we are currently arguing about 1 missing shoe!

Sorry but this ^^ made me laugh!

I pulled my 12yr old DS's wardrobe out this morning to paint behind it, and found the mystery shoe that was last seen in 2011.

Apparently he now has a vague memory of throwing it at a mosquito one night

As for the bag. It sounds like typical kid stuff. Probably no malice involved but annoying that the bag got damaged.

I imagine a dry cleaners or anywhere else that does stitching (such as a cobbler, suggested by a PP) would be able to mend the strap.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 03/09/2015 22:55

The cobbler in our town would mend it. Or I bet you could find another one on eBay or Amazon.

msgrinch · 03/09/2015 23:00

Don't feel stupid, it's just one if those things. I'm sure the bag can be repaired.

Finallyonboard · 03/09/2015 23:01

If the bag was as special has you say, why on earth would you let him take it to school? Children are silly and their brains don't allow them to consider all of the consequences of their actions at your age. Writing a note would make you a ridiculous parent!

Mermaidhair · 04/09/2015 00:31

Is it possible he broke it himself and was worried to te you? I'm just trying to picture a bag breaking from being picked up, even with a strap tied to a pole. Completely plausible it happened, but sometimes kids make things up. Just giving another perspective. I think you have made the right decision not to pursue it, things happen with kids.

cariadlet · 04/09/2015 00:40

This thread is so refreshing: op is (understandably) upset that dc's bag is broken; other posters point out it was probably an accident, don't let kids take precious things to school and it can probably be fixed anyway; op comes back on, takes it on the chin and thanks posters for helpful comments.

Why can't more threads be like this?

I've just ploughed through about 3 pages on another thread before giving up
OP: please tell me that I'm not BU
many many posters: sorry, you're BU
OP: thanks to the 1 poster who agreed that I was NBU - I'll ignore the other muppets who clearly haven't read any of my posts properly and obviously don't know what they're talking about.

Aargh!

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