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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To request wedding guest don't take photos during ceremony?

37 replies

redjellybean · 26/08/2015 22:14

What would people think if I (well the registrar) request that guests don't take photos as I walk down the aisle and say our vows? I don't mind photos taken after I have done the signing etc. but would just not prefer lots of phones in faces blocking others' views etc. and whilst we do vows.

The reason I ask is a friend requested this last year to us at his wedding and I liked the idea hence why I might use it myself (although he didn't tell them, he said he did it as he knew a certain guest that would upload photos straight onto Facebook and he didn't want this). We were told please be present in the moment, the photographer will take photos and you are welcome to take them after the vows.

Can I ask this or is this rude? What would you think?

OP posts:
coconutpie · 26/08/2015 22:15

YANBU. Get the celebrant to announce it to the guests prior to the start of the ceremony.

balletgirlmum · 26/08/2015 22:18

Our vicar did banned photos during the ceremony 15 years ago so it's nothing new.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 26/08/2015 22:18

Most weddings I have been to have done this. It's absolutely fine.

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2015 22:18

I don't know really. As a spectator, I don't think I've ever had my view blocked by a phone.

Large hats yes, but never phones.

Optimist1 · 26/08/2015 22:18

Agreed. A perfectly reasonable request. I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago when this was the way things were, and no-one batted an eyelid.

WombatStewForTea · 26/08/2015 22:21

YANBU! My mum had a very small wedding recently (approx 20) people and didn't have a photographer but instead asked people to take photos and upload them. During the ceremony it was a nightmare! People (db especially Hmm) took so many photos I don't think they paid an ounce of attention to the ceremony and it was bloody distracting!!

Original poster
redjellybean · 26/08/2015 22:25

Ok thanks I just didn't know if it sounded like I was telling them what to do or rude. Yes I've done it myself- tried hard to get a picture of brides walking down the aisle and as it's over so quickly feel I missed it all really looking at it through a screen.

OP posts:
Silverturnip · 26/08/2015 22:27

I think that's fine as is politely asking people to wait until evening before uploading to Facebook if you have evening guests coming. What's not ok is being told as a guest you are not allowed to take any photos of the bridal party at any point during the day, which is what happened to a wedding I went to recently.

Original poster
redjellybean · 26/08/2015 22:30

Yes Silverturnip I'd never do that - I wasn't going to mention facebook though and just say please don't take photos up to the signing. People can take as many photos as they want after that!

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 26/08/2015 22:32

We got a wedding invitation recently and on small print on the back they kindly requested people not to use cameras in church or to put pictures up on Facebook before they got to do it. Sounded perfectly reasonable to me.

oneowlgirl · 26/08/2015 22:33

That's really rude Silver!! No photos of the bridal party during the day??

I love having photos from my friends weddings however I usually get my DH to take the pictures so that I can watch & enjoy the ceremony.

It is up to you Op, but I would ask whoever is making the announcement that they do it politely, rather than being rude / abrupt with guests before the wedding even starts!

oneowlgirl · 26/08/2015 22:35

We've had the invitations stating 'no social media' but TBH, me & my friends have had a private giggle as I think it reads like the bride & groom think they've given exclusives to OK / Hello (we've never said anything though & respected their wishes!).

eurochick · 26/08/2015 22:37

No photos during the ceremony is standard. I've never had photos of the walk down the aisle banned at weddings I have been to though.

Wizadora1 · 26/08/2015 22:37

I think it's perfectly reasonable. Most services I have been to have requested similar uses the vicar or registrar announces that there should be no photography during the service but time will be allocated afterwards.
It can be distracting for both the bride and groom and the person performing the ceremony. I wouldn't worry about offending anyone.

KurriKurri · 26/08/2015 22:39

At my son's wedding (register office) the registrar requested no photos during the ceremony except by the designated photographer(my XH) who sat at the front on the room and took pics of the signing of register and guests and vows etc.
He did it unobtrusively and then in between the ceremony and the evening reception he had the photos developed and put them into an album which was passed round at the reception - which was a nice touch I thought.

No one had any problem with being asked not to take photos - or with being asked to turn phones off - last thing you want is someone's phone bleeping out during the vows.

Silverturnip · 26/08/2015 22:48

I know oneowl not even of the first dance etc. I think they just took it too far, and the OP sounds like they have the right balance.

summerconfusion · 26/08/2015 22:49

YANBU at all and people are very unlikely to take offense. We didn't request this as it didn't occur to me at the time but we did ask our photographer to be incognito during ceremony as I've been at weddings where the photographer was right up in bride and grooms grill and ruining the moment for everyone.

Junosmum · 26/08/2015 22:58

If you have a professional photographer then it's actually a must. The flash from other cameras and phones can seriously impact the quality of the photos-you could pay a lot for professional photographers only to get over exposed shots caused by guests flashes. The photographer cannot rectify this in editing.

Our vicar announced it prior to my arrival. Ask the vicar/ registra to do the same.

WeAllHaveWings · 26/08/2015 23:03

YANBU, and it's shocking people even have to be told. Taking photos of the groom and guests arriving outside then after signing are fine.

But taking photos during the actual ceremony is very rude, I've never seen anyone do that but I guess it only takes one to ruin it.

cocobean2805 · 27/08/2015 00:07

In church the service can only be documented by the official photographer/videographer. It's something to do with copyrights (I think its more specific to music copyrights) but quite often a celebrant will ask for no photos during the ceremony as its distracting from the service taking place. YANBU to request this. Tbh I thought it was standard practice. My DM goes through it all at the rehearsal and tells the photographer where they can stand etc. And usually tells them that there will be "photo opportunities" at specific times, such as after the register has been signed.

TheRealAmyLee · 27/08/2015 00:11

No photos during ceremony except official photographer is pretty standard tbh. Ask registrar to announce it.

Iloveonionchutney · 27/08/2015 00:15

Our registrar told us she asks for people not to take photos until the signing of the register when they are invited too, I thought it was the norm to be honest (apart from the official photographer). We have some lovely ones our photographer took from behind us of when they asked guests to take photos and there's a big group of them in the aisle all with their cameras!

Fatmomma99 · 27/08/2015 00:18

This is a bit off the point, but kind-of relevant. A few years ago (quite a lot of years ago) my fav teenage band toured and came to my town. I saw them at 16 and went again age late-30 something. So, this is about 10 years ago-ish, and phones then weren't what they are now (not that I have one of those phones, but most other people do). I filmed LOADS of the show on my phone. But due to crap memory, never got to watch any of the vids (so, a complete waste of time).

What the experience taught me was, if you FILM an experience, you aren't really LIVING the experience. A bride walking down an isle takes (about) 30 seconds - a minute. That experience is NEVER going to be repeated. Live it, don't film it because that makes you remote from it!

Hold your chin up, make the request and have a lovely day!

AliceMum09 · 27/08/2015 00:19

Completely reasonable, and like others have said it's common for the registrar to ask for this so it won't come across as your personal 'rules' being imposed on the ceremony.

Adarajames · 27/08/2015 00:22

My sister went to a friends wedding, and everyone's phone was taken off them on the way to the wedding venue so they couldn't take or post pictures! (Her friend was marrying rather a big US sitcom star though, so assume they'd a deal for a magazine article or such!)