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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like the worst mother ver

31 replies

Inim · 25/08/2015 23:38

Was at the arcades/amusements on the pier with my toddler.
I was walking around inside with him and looked away for 10 seconds and when I looked back to where my 2 year old was standing he was gone. I have never been so scared in my life I felt sick. Everything went through my head. What I'd he had ran out into the road. Or the sea. Or someone had taken him. What if he's scared. Or someone hirts hom. I'm never going to see him again. I was in such a panic running everywhere looking for him.
2 or 3 minutes that felt like hours later I found him exactly where we were in the first place but he'd climbed onto a race car game seat and I couldn't see him sitting in the chair.

I just can't believe I was so stupid. What if something happened and it was all my fault my job is to look after him :(
I still feel sick and shakyvand can't stop feeling what if

OP posts:

gamerchick · 25/08/2015 23:46

You're sill feeling the effects of the adrenaline and it's not a nice feeling. Try and see it as a physical reaction and that it will leave.

You're not the worse mother and there are few of us who haven't felt that what if feeling when we've lost sight of our younglings for a few panic stricken minutes. He didn't go far and he's fine, you did nothing wrong

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 25/08/2015 23:46

We've all done that kind of thing.

Honestly.

YourFredIsBoring · 25/08/2015 23:47

Oh OP.

If you're the worse mother ever, then we all are. I don't know many parents that this hasn't happened to. It probably won't be the last time either.

He's safe. He's okay. Don't beat yourself up. Put it behind you and move on.

travertine · 25/08/2015 23:49

We all have! I remember losing my daughter in Mothercare. She was happily playing in a Wendy House. You can't have your eyes on them every second.

gamerchick · 25/08/2015 23:55

I lost my then 3 yr old in haggerston castle.. Anyone who's been there know it's surrounded by lakes. I imagined all sorts and needed several stiff drinks.

It does happen.

MimsyBorogroves · 25/08/2015 23:59

In that case, most parents can join you in that title. It happens. You looked one way briefly, child got distracted by the shiny thing another way. And where children's eyes go, so to do their feet.

I "lost" my 7 year old for a minute today. He was literally right behind me on his scooter, I was in front helping his younger brother. I turned off down the alleyway, as we do nearly every day, he wasn't paying attention and went ahead down the path. It was only when I got to the end of the alley and he hadn't overtaken me at a million miles an hour that I realised he wasn't behind me anymore. He was standing on the path at the other end looking confused. I had to go back and ask him why he was such a muppet rescue him from his plight.

Mermaidhair · 26/08/2015 04:51

I have had it happen to me to. I went home and literally vomited. I couldn't go back to the same shopping centre for 6 months after. I would have a panic attack whilst in the car park. After that I would put him in those child reins. I was always against them, but after that episode I got over it. I know it is so so scary.

SavoyCabbage · 26/08/2015 05:09

We've all done it and it's totally terrifying. There is not a parent in the world who hasn't taken their eyes off their child for ten seconds!!!

Petradreaming · 26/08/2015 07:32

Happened to me and my DD when she was 3. Busy pier and abroad. Everything went through my mind in that 30 seconds before I saw her in the little play car. Terrifying. We have all done it. Xx

Trufflethewuffle · 26/08/2015 07:42

We took ours to Lapland when they were little. We were all kitted out in snowsuits and sent off for a walk. Masses of us. We followed a path all beautifully lit and decorated which then opened out into a big area with various attractions etc.

Anyway, we stopped at a set of swings and the DC all had a bit of a play. There was another mum there at the swings with her son. It was only when she moved away with her TWO sons that we realised that our 4 year old wasn't with us. All of the children had the same snowsuit and looked the same from the back. He had walked on when we stopped and we had no idea where he was.

We spent the next 20 mins searching frantically. I took the other children and went back to cover the entrance if he turned back. DH went on with the main flow of people and eventually found him. We did loads of shouting his name. Worryingly, while we were shouting, another small boy was brought to us as he was lost too!

Worst time of our lives, we just wanted to go straight home then.

Thebirdsneedseeds · 26/08/2015 07:45

My son, aged about 15 months (just a baby!!) got into a lift as he toddled beside me. I had let go of his hand for a second and he just veered into it to press the buttons.

Luckily the people inside it shouted 'he's in here!' as I screamed his name. One man put his foot in the door so I nipped in and got him but honestly, imagine if everyone thought he was with someone else in the lift and just changed floors!!! I learned a lesson that day. Never again.

They are so fast, aren't they?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/08/2015 07:47

It is awful, isn't it?

Worst one I had was in KMart (am in Australia) - the doors to the shop open automatically, straight out into the carpark. DS1, at 3, decided to do a run-and-hide on me while I was comparing shoes for him - it was seconds, 30 top, that I took my attention off him and he was gone. Luckily he was only a couple of aisles away, hiding in the clothes - but my heart stopped, head went fuzzy and light and I felt completely cold and sick - until he popped out when he realised my frantic calls were getting beyond "normal".

Then i was just angry (as well as relieved).

You're not the worst mother ever though, truly you're not, and once the adrenalin from the shock wears off you'll realise it. and for you.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 26/08/2015 07:52

Thumb I was in a lift with MIL and DD aged three....the lift stopped and a man wanted to get in...I'd walked out expecting MIL and DD to follow me...before the man got in...but MIL (WHAT was she thinking!) stepped out and allowd the man to get in, leaving DD standing there with him as the doors closed!

Luckily the man shoved his hand in the door....stupid MIL.

Lagoonablue · 26/08/2015 07:57

OP. See,lots of us do it. It's horrible though so understand.

Mine was losing my 2.5 yr old in a play area in a wood. I thought he went off to the swings with DH and his sister. They thought he had stayed with me. In fact he wandered off into a climbing frame/ house thing. That feeling where you realise they are gone is the worst........we looked for him for 5 mins screaming his name like loons. He was fine of course but we weren't.

SueGeneris · 26/08/2015 08:10

I suspect this has happened to more parents than it hasn't happened to.

I have lost my DS1 in Mothercare and our local very large garden centre. Both with easy exits into huge busy car parks. I have lost both DS1 and DD coming out of school. And on holiday recently I had to abandon DD howling on a footpath to run to find DS1 who had disappeared far too far ahead. So for a short while I didn't have either of them.

I myself disappeared in a supermarket aged 4, to a friends house three streets away aged 5 and got separated from my family aged 7 at a huge garden festival.

I'm wondering if it's genetic!

Either way it's a totally horrible awful feeling.

I'm just going to permanently chain DS2 to my arm once he's walking!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/08/2015 08:10

Ah yes, I've had the child in the lift with the doors closing thing as well - luckily I saw just in time and shoved my arm in the doors before they closed - eek though! And what was your mil thinking?!

The one that terrifies me most of all is the prospect of getting on/off the train/ tube and them not following - I have very tight hold of both children while doing that, just in case.

queenofthishouse · 26/08/2015 08:13

It will be the first of many. Don't beat your self up about it

Charis1 · 26/08/2015 08:19

I have been known to bring the wrong toddler home from the supermarket....

Charis1 · 26/08/2015 08:20

I've also had to pull the emergency alarm on a tube train to prevent myself getting separated from my 13 year old

thisisabullache · 26/08/2015 08:53

I lost my toddler in my own house! Only i thought she'd let herself out of the side gate in the garden. We searched the whole house and garden, then as i was running down the street i called the police. Turns out she was hiding behind the dining room door, could have sworn we looked there.

How stupid did i look calling the police back to say my missing child was actually in the house the whole time.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/08/2015 10:12

Oh I've a couple of good'uns that bullache has just brought to mind:
I have "lost" both DSs on a plane, on separate occasions.

DS1: he was 3, he knew what he was doing, he legged it onto the plane ahead of everyone else and chose his own seat, which wasn't anywhere near where we should have been. Because he was sitting down, I couldn't see him for a bit - but then as I was panicking he'd got into the stewards' area, or an open cupboard (they're all open when you first board) a stewardess found him on the other side of the plane.

DS2: last time, and more my fault - DS1 was half asleep, DS2 (2.6) was watching VOD next to him, I needed the loo so I told DS2 to stay put while I just went to the loo. It was during the "night time" so most other people were sleeping. Of course when I returned, DS2 had buggered off somewhere, hadn't he. Turns out he'd made it almost as far as 1st class before he turned around and decided to come back (so through at least 2 sets of curtains).

At least on both times I knew they were on the plane; but it's still scary!

Maddiemademe · 26/08/2015 11:20

OP you are not a terrible mother. A terrible mother certainly wouldn't be having the kind of reaction physically for starters, or even questioning their parenting.

I had an elevator close on my 3 year old as I was getting out and he was pressing buttons so I didn't know what floor he was going to be on. Never been so terrified in my life and watching his poor little face as the doors closed on him was awful. I managed to sprint up the stairs and find him pretty quickly but still it's never nice. Please don't beat yourself up about it.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 26/08/2015 11:26

I lost 2 year old DS2 at school pick up once. I was in total panic, unsure whether to stay at school or start walking home. Eventually I started walking home and another parent had found him and brought him back. He'd crossed the road outside school. He was on reins for a long time after that.

Forkrightorf · 26/08/2015 11:30

Certainly not the worst mother ever OP, most of us have been there. When DS was 3 we took him to a kids theatre show where the kids were invited on stage to look at the sets afterwards. We lost sight of him for about a millisecond in the crowd of children and that was it, gone. After much panicking, all the exits were locked by staff, I was in tears he wandered over to us - he had walked down SIX flights of stairs alone to go to the loo and back again!

bibliomania · 26/08/2015 11:38

Everyone's done it, honestly. I only have one dd, and I've no idea about parents manage to keep an eye on multiple children.

I lost dd, then 5, at an airport - had just gone through security and was putting my shoes on and sorting the bags when she took off. Had to get airport security police involved. They asked me what she'd been wearing and I couldn't remember. Felt like hours till she came back riding on a policeman's shoulders, thrilled with her adventure with the "finders" (the police who found her).

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