If you had a sibling who

[FlowersAndShit]

called you a cunt, didn't apologise but you forgave them and then a year later, said they hoped to see you alone and struggling with life, would you cut them out of your life? My brother isn't a very nice person, but my parents are pressuring me to talk to him and forgive him 'because he's your brother''. AIBU?

YANBU. Blood is not always thicker than water.

YANBU. My brother is a total cock. After years and years of his abuse I have gone non contact with him despite my Dad's desperate attempts to get me to talk to him. I dread the day my Dad passes away as I'll have to have something to do with him then and he is an aggressive arse.

YANBU. Tell your parents he should apologise to you because your his sister

*you're

Another one here with a cock for a brother. It's such a shame...but yes, I cut him out.

Mine shouted and swore at me and threatened me in my Mum's garden on Boxing Day while my DH and kids sat inside with my Mum. He'd already verbally attacked me for some inane tale I'd told about a dog...he's an alcoholic.

He's 50 now and not going to change and I'm too old at 43 to be spoken to like that and live with it. My family all accepted my choice though they continue to speak to him.

My sister pressured me too OP. I just repeated "Just because we're related doesn;t mean I have to be abused and threatened. No. I will never talk to him again."

Just reply - yes, and i'm his sister, yet that doesn't stop him being a complete bastard towards me, does it?!

I've gone nc with my brother. He's not met his niece and nephew and he never will.

He was and is vile and abusive and il say the same just because you're related does not mean you have to be spoken to or treated like dirt

Well then tell them that because he is your brother he shouldn't have called you a cunt and (what was worse IMO) said 'they hoped to see you alone and struggling'? Really?
Sometimes blood is NOT thicker than water !!
YANBU

I cut my sister out of my life two years ago after years of turbulence. Once I'd had children I decided I never wanted her influencing them in any way and she added no value to my life, just upset, anger and rejection. Sometimes, you have to stick to your guns if you know it's the right thing for you.

I think it makes it harder to forgive, not easier, when it's someone who's supposed to love you!

And yes, I agree with the pp that your parents have it arseways up.

Why is it up to you to talk to him? Why aren't they saying to him that his conduct is unacceptable and he needs to treat you better? Apologise. Ask your forgiveness?

Why is it down to you to soothe and smooth and have your feelings disregarded to make things better for your parents and easy for your brother?

Where's the concern for you?

" Why is it down to you to soothe and smooth and have your feelings disregarded to make things better for your parents and easy for your brother? "

Excellent question Fenella - everyday sexism innit? Women are supposed to smooth things over and keep men sweet whatever the cost to them personally. IMO.

absolutely.

Yanbu I'm nc with brother and sister cause they treated me like shite one too many times. My parents are dead which makes it easier though.

Coffeemarkone

I suspect that its less to do with sexism and more to do with being the scapegoat/not the golden child.

Boney but it's the sort of sexism which is just THERE so much in our lives that we don't even notice it.

Thanks for the replies. I know i'm making the right decision. It's a shame but he's turned into someone I don't recognise anymore

Try it, Flowers. I'm NC wiith my arse of a dad, and was pressurised into inviting him to my wedding (back story - dad divorced mum and left her devastated. I think she saw my wedding as a way to get back with him, so I got lots of 'but it's your father!') He was, of course, an arse, and a drunken one. I haven't had any contact for 25 years, and he's never shown the slightest interest in my 3 dc.
I'm also NC with my bitch of a sister (who takes after him) and also get lots of 'but she's your sister!' to which the only answer is 'well, she doesn't act like it'.

When mum dies, I will have no problem never seeing or hearing about any of them.

YANBU. I am NC with my brother, or rather he is with me, because he loathes me. I'm not that keen on him, to be fair - but he proper loathes me.

My Dad keeps trying to get me to be the "bigger person" but what for? There's nothing to apologise for, no one thing ever happened, just lots of antagonism and differences - I've tried a couple of times, to keep Dad happy, but there's never any response, so meh.

I'm not bothered except that it bothers my Dad still.

Oh god, the 'be the bigger person' line. I have massively cut down contact with my sibling after just too much. Being the bigger person is doing the right thing, not rolling over. Go for it, OP. You wouldn't let anyone else treat you that way.

Another here who has a complete knobrash for a sibling. Zero contact, zero fucks to give. If it's what you need to do go for it