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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DC staying with GP & crying to come home

19 replies

PhoebeMcPeePee · 09/08/2015 21:45

DC have gone to stay with my in-laws for the week but eldest (9) has just called in tears asking to come home . I feel like the worst mum in the world as I can't just go now and get him (600 mile round trip I only got back from this afternoon!) and have a manic week at work. In-laws are taking them to the coast for a few days in the morning so really hoping once they settle in he'll be ok but AIBU not cancelling work & driving back to get them.

Youngest (6) said they've had an awesome day & is excited about going to the beach but after hearing me on the phone to his brother also asked to come home

Arrrrgh what do I do?

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 09/08/2015 21:47

Nothing! Stop them calling you, text breezy messages only.

You're not doing anything wrong and they will be fine.

TheoriginalLEM · 09/08/2015 21:47

leave it to the ils. they will look after him.

WhatifIdid · 09/08/2015 21:48

Do you trust the GP? Are they nice to the dc?

Why did eldest want to come home? For what reason?

jelliebelly · 09/08/2015 21:49

Don't do anything they will be fine! Stop calling them as its too confusing - ask for quick text message updates only!

EnjoyTheSimpleThingsInLife · 09/08/2015 21:49

If you were closer I'd say pick them up, but obviously you can't.

They will be fine, probably just over-tired now. I'm sure they will settle down again.

PixieChops · 09/08/2015 21:50

Leave them. I don't think your BU at all in not wanting to drive all that way again. If I were you I'd say to the eldest to stay until Wednesday and if they still want to come home then you'll go and get them. I'm sure once they've been to the coast and started having fun they'll both be fine and start enjoying themselves. It is a difficult situation and one I'll more than likely be in myself in a few years. A week just feels like an absolute age when your that young but once they get into the swing of it they probably won't want to come home after the weeks up! I was the exact same when I was younger, used to drive my mum mad! Was homesick on the first day and then whinged when I had to go home on the last day ????

SaulGood · 09/08/2015 21:51

I assume they're asleep now?

What did your inlaws say? Have there been problems? What prompted it? Have they stayed before?

Zeitgeistic · 09/08/2015 21:51

Don't feel bad. Sounds like he's had a nice day but is just having a bit of a wobble bless him. I wouldn't go and get him. Presumably he loves his grandparents and they feel the same? Hopefully they'll both have a big cuddle with granny and will be grand for the rest of the week.

Keep phone calls breezy and consider texting if it's making them miss home. When my ex has the kids I don't tend to speak to them as if upsets them. They're absolutely fine with their dad but if I speak to them they suddenly want to come home.

girliefriend · 09/08/2015 21:53

Have they stayed with them before? Did you speak to the inlays yourself?

There is no way i would go and get them unless it was a dire emergency!

Original poster

PhoebeMcPeePee · 09/08/2015 21:53

In-laws are lovely and adore DC & I've no problems with how they're being looked after or I wouldn't have agreed to it. DS is quite sensitive & a real homebody. He's also very loving & affectionate with me/DH but more guarded with everyone else inc both sets of GP, aunts & uncles etc. This is also the first time they've done more than a weekend away or gone to their house which is obviously quite some distance from home all of which I suspect is making him feel particularly homesick.

OP posts:

AngieBolen · 09/08/2015 21:53

He's tired and missing his mum at bedtime - he'll feel totally different in the morning.

Overall they'll have a fab time so no need to feel bad.

Fluffy24 · 09/08/2015 21:56

I remember at 9 yo being miserable for the first night of a PGL type holiday (unaccompanied kids adventure hol) but went on to have a ball, tell them they need to wait until tomorrow night and talk to you again then. If they still really want to come home after 48 hrs I'd assume it's legitimate and go and get them.

greenfolder · 09/08/2015 21:58

My dd3 7 had her first week away with her auntie and uncle this week. She got homesick as expected so we stopped the evening call as it made it worse ( sil said she couldn't get reception). She had a ball cuddles from auntie and uncle and coped. Very pleased as she is the littlest by years and missed out on staying with grandparents. It's important for them to get a little homesick and cope with it ahead of school trips etc.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 09/08/2015 22:01

My DD, who's 8, just spent a rare week at her dad's with new stepmum and sister. She cried the first night and was fine for the rest of the week. They just get a little homesick sometimes.

Sagethyme · 09/08/2015 22:01

Home sickness is just horrible, and its always worse in the evening ...and a Sunday evening at that... But dont worry tomorrow morning he'll be fine and once they go to the coast he'll have a ball!
I bet you are a fab mum and that's why he is missing you, but your DC will be fine. Enjoy some 'you' time here is some to get you started!

WhetherOrNot · 09/08/2015 22:11

Turn sound up and watch this. It's an old song - bub very true !!!

Ouchbloodyouch · 09/08/2015 22:13

Its a tough one but I agree with pp's.
I often think in many situations I could just drop everything and make it all ok if they don't want to do something but the other part of me thinks they will learn to turn on the tears and mum will come and get them if the going gets tough!
Obviously I wouldn't make them do anything unsafe in the first place or leave them with strangers.

DeeWe · 09/08/2015 22:16

I'd say stick it out till Wednesday and if he's still feeling bad then you'll collect him. That way he feels it doesn't have to be so long, and then will be fine.

I've just had similar from my 8yo ds who's just gone to his first camp on his own. Both dd1 and dd2 have been from his age, and love it-they count the days down from finishing one year's to starting the next!
He's much more a home bird, and hasn't stayed more than one night away before, so he was varying between saying he was excited and not wanting to go.

He was okay until it was time to get in the car, when his lip started going and he clung to me. (dh was taking as ds is much more inclined to cling to me so we thought it would be better)

They left and dd1 burst into tears and I wondered whether it was a good idea or I should have left it another year.

Dh said he was smiling 10 minutes down the road, and had to be interrupted at the camp to say goodbye.

I wouldn't be surprised to hear there were tears at bedtime tonight, but I think by the end of the week he'll be absolutely fine and loving it all, and desperate to go back. And I think he'll have gained a lot by doing it.

Otoh the girls have both been saying they miss him and wish he was back.

WildImaginings · 09/08/2015 22:20

YANBU. He will be absolutely fine, and I bet he'll have a fantastic time.

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