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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Being blanked in a conversation

22 replies

madeitagain · 08/08/2015 20:55

I went to a social event recently it was work related. I haven't worked at this job that long.
When I arrived (on my own) there was no one I knew particularly well. One of my work colleagues approached me and we were having a chat. Another woman came up and introduced herself to my colleague. She was from another company which is under the same management. We have quite a it to do with this company.
The woman completely blanked me out. She didn't bother introducing herself to me instead she sort of stood side on and addressed the conversation to my colleague. I was totally shocked and really upset. Later I felt really angry that someone could be so rude. I moved away from the conversation when I could see what was happening. It wasn't really a setting where I could say anything to the woman and I don't know if it would have been a good idea anyway.
I would like to get some feedback from anyone who has had a similar experience and if so, what if anything, they did? I am likely to come across this woman in the future. She is in a senior position which involves establishing and maintaining relationships! I am in a reasonably senior position at my job.

OP posts:

lostinikea · 08/08/2015 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 08/08/2015 21:06

Your OP is quite robotic, are you so tense yourself?

MrsTrentReznor · 08/08/2015 21:07

Old school friend did this to my DP at a wedding.
I was hoping we would all get along fine and catch up. She didn't want to know. Her loss. The hairy lipped bitch.

Asleeponasunbeam · 08/08/2015 21:12

SanDiego? What do you mean by robotic? Just the short sentences? That's just a writing style, surely? You can't judge OP's character on that!

OP, she sounds rude. It's quite common. I use those experiences as a reminder not to be like that myself.

lavenderhoney · 08/08/2015 21:12

Don't accept her on linked in for a start! Ever!

And I would have walked away, got a coffee / drink and looked about me for a new person to chat to, even gone to the loo and said whilst washing hands " oh, how interesting, I see from your badge you work for x! Come and talk to me about it-"

Your co - worker was an arse for not helping you. Remember that when they want your help.

Asleeponasunbeam · 08/08/2015 21:13

They're not even short sentences really. Just a pleasant, clear style. Weird comment.

Katie2001 · 08/08/2015 21:20

Sometimes people are in 'business mode' and are so focussed on their target they forget all social niceties. Your colleague should have introduced you. Next time, as PP has said, leave but say 'excuse me, we'll catch up again later' politely but clearly. You are definitely NBU.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 08/08/2015 21:51

Not a weird comment , just an observation

SirChenjin · 08/08/2015 21:56

I have a boss that does this - she even does it to us when we're out at meetings where she pretends not to know us. None of us can figure her out - I think it might be her way of asserting herself and reminding us of our place, but I'm not sure. People who do this tend to have the social skills of a dead dog.

That robotic comment was weird - there wasn't even any context, just an accusation, designed to do what, exactly?

Aeroflotgirl · 08/08/2015 21:59

Op is fine still. Woman was very rude op, not much you can do.

fishfacedcow · 08/08/2015 21:59

now you see, as soon as I realised who she was, i would have introduced myself to her.

she has appalling manners, but you didn't have to lower yourself to her level.

nickelbabe · 08/08/2015 22:00

was the colleague male or female?
more senior than you or junior?

CamelHump · 08/08/2015 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhitePhantom · 08/08/2015 22:04

What fish said. Put your hand out and introduce yourself in a very cheery manner. That'll show her

fishfacedcow · 08/08/2015 22:11

it really makes no difference who the person doing the snubbing is... OP allowed herself to be snubbed.

In all my 'years of being snubbed' no-one has been rude enough to snub me once I had taken the initiative and introduced myself. It seems if they dont know your name, then you 'don't count' but once they have been told your name, and it doesn't matter who by, then you suddenly become a person rather than background.

Hobbes8 · 08/08/2015 22:12

My old boss did this to my husband. We were invited to a couple of out of work events - a 40th and an informal wedding celebration for a colleague who married abroad. There were a few of us from work who I knew and my husband didn't know any of them. I introduced him and people were chatting normally. I went to the loo and when I got back my boss had somehow edged him out of the circle and was standing with her back to him blocking him from conversation. So weird! Then when we went to the second event (I can't remember which order they were in) she did it again!

I think in her case she was really socially awkward. They'd all worked together for yonks and knew each other's partners and I only worked there for around a year.

Original poster

madeitagain · 08/08/2015 23:39

The person I was with didn't know her either. She introduced herself to my colleague whilst sort of excluding me from her line of vision. Yes it is true I could have said 'And I am so and so .......' . However I didn't stand there not making an effort to include myself in the conversation. I politely added comments and (I do, I think, have reasonably good social skills) made a real effort to be included in the conversation. At one point I asked her a friendly question which was answered with a monosyllabic reply. i think I was also completely appalled by her rudeness,

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 08/08/2015 23:48

It is incredibly difficult to regain your composure after a snubbing, force yourself into a conversation and introduce yourself to some who is determined to exclude you by turning their back and not pausing for breath.

SirChenjin · 08/08/2015 23:50

And actually, why would you want to? Let them display their ignorance in public and pity them for their lack of social grace.

brittabot · 09/08/2015 00:04

Some very odd responses here - no need to introduce yourself to your own boss? And as for the person who feels their husband was sidelined at drinks? In my (former) workplace drinks were for bonding, if anyone invited a partner (which they wouldn't have) it would be for them to look after. Just wouldn't have happened tbh.
Sounds like an odd and awkward situation at your work.

brittabot · 09/08/2015 00:06

Sorry much of that was to Hobbes8 not OP, sorry.

Hobbes8 · 09/08/2015 10:27

I think the oddest response is yours, Brittabot. It wasn't workplace drinks, it was a wedding to which he and other partners were specifically invited. And I did look after him, but I also had to wee, and it was really odd behaviour of my boss to deliberately stand in front of him with her back to him, thus blocking him from making normal conversation with others.

Anyway, my point to the OP was that sometimes in these situations there's nothing you can do. It's more about the other person and their social inadequacy than about you. It sounds like you handled it pretty well actually.

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