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AIBU?

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Original poster

Or is this not ageist

66 replies

daisyinthemeadow · 07/08/2015 13:12

Watching wanted a very personal assistant, disabled people looking for carers.

They all say they want someone young.

Aibu in thinking this is ageist?

OP posts:
LurkingHusband · 07/08/2015 13:21

No. And possibly unlawful.

Original poster
daisyinthemeadow · 07/08/2015 13:31

It's funny as they all want someone to go out drinking with but also they have to be responsible and really rhey are asking a lot aren't they?

OP posts:
ATravellingCircusCame · 07/08/2015 13:31

Technically, yes I suppose it is.

But this is an area where people should be able to choose exactly who they want so I can't get too bothered about it tbh.

Original poster
daisyinthemeadow · 07/08/2015 13:32

Don't all companies get to choose exactly who they want?

OP posts:
IsItMeOr · 07/08/2015 13:40

Haven't seen the programme, and of course they need to follow the law.

But the comment "really they are asking a lot aren't they?" sits very uncomfortably with me.

What is it that these, (I'm guessing) young adults, are hoping to do that is different from what their peers would hope/expect to do?

ATravellingCircusCame · 07/08/2015 13:41

No, they can't be ageist, sexist, disabalist, racist, homophobic etc. There are laws covering employment.

LurkingHusband · 07/08/2015 13:41

Sorry, speed-reading missed the personal care bit.

There are exceptions under the various discrimination acts for personal care

I would dig out an article on the BBC about it, but the rocket scientists they paid to build their new web site couldn't find their arse with both hands and a map decided that anyone using the word "carer" really means "career", so returns all results. Thus making the results as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike of limited value.

Original poster
daisyinthemeadow · 07/08/2015 13:43

I completely understand that and am seeing it from two points of view.

For a young person it isn't asking a lot to go out to a nightclub and have a drink and meet people.

But if it's your job, it's asking a lot to have to go to a nightclub maybe until the early hours of the morning and drink (one said she wanted someone to get hammered with her) yet also be responsible for that person and be on duty through the night. Do you see what I mean?

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 07/08/2015 13:43

If you had to have someone with you all the time, doing the most intimate things for you, wouldn't you want someone who was going to treat you as the age you are and support you in that, not treating you as someone to be protected/shielded.

Original poster
daisyinthemeadow · 07/08/2015 13:44

Yeah but I don't see why the age is relevant, any more than I'd want someone white not black or vice versa.

Why would an older person treat them as someone to be protected and shielded?

OP posts:
Seriouslyffs · 07/08/2015 13:47

Personal care for young people? They're allowed to specify and select on shared interests and whether they like them, age, gender anything they want. Common sense wise at least and, legally too.

ATravellingCircusCame · 07/08/2015 13:50

'Yeah but I don't see why the age is relevant, any more than I'd want someone white not black or vice versa.'

That's fine for you, if/when you need to recruit a carer.

For whatever reason the age is relevant to those specific people and they should be able to recruit who they want.

IsItMeOr · 07/08/2015 13:50

daisy if they need 24 hour care, they will need that to be provided by a rota of carers, not a single person.

And I do think it is fair to say that they want someone a similar age to them as a companion in a nightclub.

Glad that the law sounds balanced on this one.

CMOTDibbler · 07/08/2015 13:51

So, say I'm 18 and have CP. I need someone to help me drink, to get out of my wheelchair, get into bed. If what I want to do is play drinking games in the pub, then shag some random, my PAs job is to put a straw in the shots, help me drink them, then hoist me into bed at home. Am I going to feel more comfortable with someone my own age doing that, or someone my mums age? I think it would very much be someone my own age

Original poster
daisyinthemeadow · 07/08/2015 13:51

One of the girls had to manage with one of the disabled lads getting drunk and falling and it frightened her. That's what I mean for a lot, she has to go along with what he wants but also be responsible for him.

OP posts:
ATravellingCircusCame · 07/08/2015 13:54

It is a difficult job if that's what you mean daisy. Striking the right balance between being a friend, but also being an employee. Being fun, but also being responsible etc. It is difficult.

Original poster
daisyinthemeadow · 07/08/2015 13:55

Yeah it must be. I was thinking how embarrassing it must be if you had to challenge them on doing a bad job when they are sort of a friend as well.

OP posts:
IsItMeOr · 07/08/2015 13:56

But that is about the PA being sufficiently confident to do the job.

Again, I haven't seen the programme. But if she is frightened by a disabled person falling over, then it might not be the right line of work for her.

We had to get on with life with DSIL falling sometimes. Actually she was good at it - as in, good at not hurting herself when falling. Possibly her biggest fear when her grandmother was alive was that, in the grandmother's fussing, she would get in the way and be seriously injured by DSIL falling on her.

There is something about whose risk it is, and whose right it is to decide whether or not to take. My money is on it being the disabled man's choice, not his PAs.

Original poster
daisyinthemeadow · 07/08/2015 13:59

She wasn't frightened by him falling because he fell but because he could have ended up in hospital, frightened for him if you see what I mean.

And one man wants to go to Amsterdam to sleep with a prostitute.

OP posts:
IsItMeOr · 07/08/2015 14:07

Thanks for clarifying daisy. That was why DSIL's granny was frightened too, but her fear led her to act irrationally.

That was why I was talking about risks and who gets to choose what risks we can take. If you go out drinking, disabled or not, you take a risk that something will happen when you are less inhibited that places you in more danger than you might be sober. A&E departments are full on Friday and Saturday nights with injured drunk people.

I've done some work around mental capacity at work, and the point that stuck with me is that, just because somebody makes a choice that is unwise, it doesn't mean that they lack the capacity to make it.

And of course, nobody needs to sign up as the PA for the trip to Amsterdam. It doesn't mean that the person can try to find somebody though.

IsItMeOr · 07/08/2015 14:08

can=can't in my last sentence.

Original poster
daisyinthemeadow · 07/08/2015 14:08

But should anyone be expected to do that, I mean if you're working and already employed would that be grounds for terminating the employment?

www.communitycare.co.uk/2015/07/31/shouldnt-define-personal-assistant-role-something-anyone/

This article is interesting.

OP posts:
MooQuackMoo · 07/08/2015 14:08

Iv watched the programme and most of them have had a number of carers of different ages. The program highlights the fact that young people do not think about being carer as a career.
They would like to have someone closer to their own age they are not ageist it's a preference. As a carer myself in all care plans I have come across young and old everyone includes a prephens young older more mature not smoker etc. Till you are A being cared for B doing the care you won't understand how it feels to have someone be so personally involved in your day to day life and of course your are going to have a preference.

MooQuackMoo · 07/08/2015 14:10

Argh preference not prehens

IsItMeOr · 07/08/2015 14:12

Expected to do what daisy?

Yes, I agree with the article you link that this is a role that requires training in the skill of being a PA.

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