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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To panic and ask you how I will cope!

22 replies

Bythedowns2 · 03/08/2015 17:48

I have just found out I am pregnant with 2nd dc am very shocked and upset! It was an accident. Have 3yr old dd and we have just moved into a two bedroom bungalow with a view to extending into loft. Doing new kitchen etc! my dh is thrilled I am so torn! I am overweight although starting exercising last week (spinning classes!) have in jan this been diagnosed with intercystial cystitis which I am being treated for and just getting under control!! I just don't know how we will cope with money etc! Worried about my health and relapsing badly with cystitis. The extension will have to go on hold, then two lots of childcare although dd starts school next year! I am 35 and aware time is passing though and had a late miscarriage before dd. I know I should be thrilled and grateful but half of me is filled with doom visions of struggling with no money and the house never getting finished!i work 3 days a week and get some paid mat leave Anyone have any similar stories and how they managed?

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ghostyslovesheep · 03/08/2015 17:53

sounds very stressful x take time to process the info

and have a hug xxxxx

Happy36 · 03/08/2015 18:02

Congratulations!

You will manage. However, the news has understandably come as a shock. Remember that you have some months to prepare yourself.

As you say, put the house extension on hold. Re-assess the situation when the baby is 6 months, or when your elder child starts school.

Your health is the main thing. Take life each day as it comes, one day at a time, and keep eating properly, exercising, and managing your cystitis.

Do you have a partner? Do you have family nearby or close friends who can support you?

GlitteringJasper · 03/08/2015 18:05

How would you feel if you weren't pregnant anymore?

I was in a similar situation and couldn't think of a single good thing about another baby but then very quickly came round to the idea and went from shocked to delighted.

My pregnancy ended but that's a different thread.

Best of luck

BlackeyedSusan · 03/08/2015 18:05

you will manage, it will just take a while for you to come up with the solutions. some people have to go through the panic omg what are we going to do about x, y and z first.

MizK · 03/08/2015 18:05

Congratulations! Sounds a very busy time but there is rarely a perfect time to have a baby! The age gap between your two DCs will be a nice one, not too close, not too far apart. And what a lovely way to start life in your new home.

Good luck OP and hope you feel less overwhelmed soon.

Original poster

Bythedowns2 · 03/08/2015 18:05

Hi yes dh married for 9 years has a good job, but just as we were starting to plan things it just feels like it's all gone the wrong way. I had got used to the idea of dd bring an only ! We are luckier than some but just wanted to crack on with the house as our last place took so long to do!!!

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Original poster

Bythedowns2 · 03/08/2015 18:07

I guess I just envisage never being able to do the house as the money will never be there!! The 2nd bedroom isn't large at all small box type room could fit bunk beds but not much esle

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Original poster

Bythedowns2 · 03/08/2015 23:18

Thanks for the messages I have calmed down a little but still very apprehensive

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WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 03/08/2015 23:25

My first thought on this was "baby blues?"

I guess a lot of parents worry about having a baby. You will find a way to manage, most people do. They just get on with it.

Your plans might have to change now. Maybe look at a small house instead?

If you are low income, you might get help with nursery fees. Ask in the job centre for advice.

I found being pregnant with dd helped me lose weight. She obviously needed energy to grow, and I felt sick and not hungry a lot.

Congratulations on dc2, and hope your dd loves being a big sister.

misbegotten · 03/08/2015 23:25

Congratulations :)

You haven't really had time to process this. Take a step back, calm down and think of the positives. I am sure things will work.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 03/08/2015 23:30

Fantastic news. Congratulations. You'll be fine, honest.
PS I'm very . send some baby dust my way..

Original poster

Bythedowns2 · 04/08/2015 00:57

Thanks I know I feel selfish and I am lucky having lost a baby I know it's hard, we aren't low income enough for anything unfortunately !! I worry about when I go back to work affording to , I would have to for the mortgage. Then just have visions of never beingable to finish the house!! We would pay more for a smaller house just for a box room hence why we bought the place. Also good area and catchment for good primary!! Then I worry about being ill like i did with dd! I am second stage with my job due to my inter cystitis!!!! I could lose my job if I am sick. Like with dd !!!

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PeteHornberger · 04/08/2015 01:07

Congratulations

We were similar to you in that we moved from a 3 bed house to a 2 bed bungalow with a view to extending and then I fell pregnant with DS.

I was worried that we wouldn't have enough room but so far it's been fine. DS is 9 months now and still in his cot in with us, but as he still wakes at night, that suits me as I don't have to get up! I was worried about him disturbing his sister, as She isn't a great sleeper, but so far they seem to have slept through each other making a noise. We have a chest of drawers in our room for his stuff and some ikea storage in the lounge for
his toys. I suppose my point is, it might not be as bad/ tough as you think - it hasn't been in my experience.

Good luck

PastaLaFeasta · 04/08/2015 01:09

It will be fine and it's ok to feel like this. We have two in a two bed, they love sharing a room, and you have room to easily extend so you'll manage. You will also manage financially because you have to and it's only a few years when things are really tight, start planning and budgeting to save if possible. And you can get the house done, we've done lots of stuff and it's not easy but it's not impossible. Plus small babies can be easy to work around so do it early or rope in help if you have family and friends to support you.

It's lovely having siblings and your eldest will be able to help out in little ways and understand what's going on.

Original poster

Bythedowns2 · 04/08/2015 01:16

Thank you both its reassuring!! I just need to get my head a bit more sorted!!!!!

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TooMuchJD · 04/08/2015 01:56

I had a surprise baby too, at 35, already had DD who was 15 months old when I found out. I had just started a new full time job just 4 weeks before. Cue major panic about money, losing my job, how I was going to cope etc.

Now I would not be without DS. I look back and wonder what the hell I was so worried about. It was tough for a while but we managed.

They now share a room, love having bunk beds and generally amuse each other a lot of the time. as well as bickering, wrestling and driving me mad

You'll cope OP - congratulation

Athenaviolet · 04/08/2015 07:32

If you are sick because of pregnancy they can't sack you for that legally. It would be pregnancy discrimination but they could make you start mat leave earlier.

It sounds like you are in shock but that long term things should be fine.

Original poster

Bythedowns2 · 04/08/2015 08:03

Thanks I guess it's a big shock and I just need to get myself used to it! I had plans in my head for things and it's all gone to pot! But my job does worry me as although public sector my immediate management aren't very good neither are hr!!

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ovenchips · 04/08/2015 08:09

Bythedowns. You have a choice - you can continue with the pregnancy and work through the obstacles or you can end the pregnancy. So please do what is right for you. You do have a choice.

Original poster

Bythedowns2 · 04/08/2015 08:15

Thanks I think it would destroy my marriage if I didn't have the child and having had a miscarriage I don't know if I could! Although I am completely pro choice

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ovenchips · 04/08/2015 08:59

Absolutely fair enough. I just wanted to say it so you knew someone else thought it was a reasonable choice if that's what you wanted.

Congratulations and very best to you for everything.

Original poster

Bythedowns2 · 04/08/2015 11:07

Thank you I appreciate that!!

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