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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to not want to go out for this work do?

24 replies

harperleeharper · 21/07/2015 23:18

I recently started a new job with 3 other people and we've been having training for the job for the last two months and this week is our last week.

We decided to go out for a meal and drinks to celebrate - was genuinely looking forward to it as I do like them.

Today we were talking about it and now it seems like they are inviting their partners too.

I'm a single pringle and probably always will be. It's to the point where all my friends are settling down and every events is a couples event. So sadly I don't enjoy going out with my regular group of friends very much now.

So I just thought this was the one night where we'd go out as just friends and no partners would be invited.

I really don't want to go now. Aibu?

OP posts:

joopy79 · 21/07/2015 23:24

Go with them, if you bail you might not be invited again and it's important to bond with your colleagues. But next time you organise the night and suggest no partners.

BikeRunSki · 22/07/2015 00:18

I agree with Joopy.

crustsaway · 22/07/2015 00:20

If you're uncomfortable dont go, wait till theres a solely workers do.

wafflyversatile · 22/07/2015 00:22

YANBU. It's a pain when everyone has to bring partners to everything.

Not sure whether that means you shouldn't go though. If you get chatting to them they might have a single friend that could suit, if you're open to that.

Glitoris · 22/07/2015 00:24

I hate this shit of bringing partners to work do's,totally changes the dynamics.

On this occasion,I'd go with what Joopy says.

TryToEngageBrainFirst · 22/07/2015 00:28

If I was you, I'd go and be all wide-eye'd "oh... were we bringing partners???" and see how you go from there.

Good luck!

StormBraver · 22/07/2015 00:37

YANBU, I think it's a bit weird to take partners along to a work do, especially with new colleagues who you are still trying to get to know. Could you subtly suggest (somehow!) that the meal is just you and your colleagues and that their partners join you for drinks afterwards? Probably their partners don't want to be dragged along for a load of work chat anyway!

morelikeguidelines · 22/07/2015 06:57

I think you should go, but agree it is annoying.

WipsGlitter · 22/07/2015 07:05

It's weird. No partners at our work dos. Totally changes the dynamic. But they might know single guys / have brothers!!

Flossyfloof · 22/07/2015 07:27

That is a bit bloody insensitive of them. It's one evening though, go and try to enjoy it.

AuntyMag10 · 22/07/2015 07:34

I don't particularly think partners should be invited to work dos as it totally changes the dynamics. But you should go. As joopy says, you might not get invited the next time.

LindyHemming · 22/07/2015 07:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whois · 22/07/2015 08:32

We never have partners at oit work social events, unless they are ex-members of the firm!

AliceAlice1979 · 22/07/2015 08:41

I once went to a team building day with a new team when all of the great to know each other questions were about romance / family / partners. I had no family at the time and felt utterly excluded and aweful.

I feel for you op but I think you should go to the night out and hold your head high.

thenumberseven · 22/07/2015 08:53

Agree that having partners at a work do is not on. It changes every thing, the way you behave and the way those who bring their partner behave.
I've noticed some people become totally different personalities when their partners are present.
However I agree with posters who think you should go to this one. You are all fairly new with each other and at this stage it's easy to become odd man out.
It's probably just one person joined at the hip with their partner has suggested this and more than likely the others have not said no but are feeling as you are. Partners will most probably not want to go.

I think you should go and I think you won't be the only one there without a partner. Wild horses could not have made dh go with me to dinner with collegues and am sure he's not the only person who feels like this.
If you do go let us know how it went

DowntownFunk · 22/07/2015 09:11

You probably find that this has come about because one of your team has a misery guts partner that won't let them out by themselves.

I've worked with many, many people with this type of relationship. If you were looking forward to it previously, go.

Most people I know prefer to go to work events, without their significant other, if they have one.

8angle · 22/07/2015 09:35

I hate this too - totally changes the dynamic of the evening, if you had been there a while i would say give it a miss, but as it is early days in a new job I think you should go for it - sorry!

SpeckleDust · 22/07/2015 09:43

YABU and I agree it should be a no partners night out to celebrate the end of your training.

Could you say something like you were keen to go when you thought it was just colleagues but feel uncomfortable about going when everyone else is bringing a partner so will duck out this time. They might not realise they are being thoughtless.

Original poster

harperleeharper · 22/07/2015 20:25

But it's not really a work social event, because it's just the four of us. We all started at the same time and have all done the same training.

Apparently one is bringing her partner because he was moaning that she was leaving him with nothing to do that evening..... They don't have children and are in their early 20s, surely he does not need to rely on his girlfriend for a social life?

OP posts:

DoreenLethal · 22/07/2015 20:46

Apparently one is bringing her partner because he was moaning that she was leaving him with nothing to do that evening

Oh - poor baby.

scarlets · 22/07/2015 21:09

Partners should be excluded from work events IMO.

You probably won't be the only one there alone. Not all partners will be able/willing to attend.

Theycallmemellowjello · 22/07/2015 22:06

Tbh I don't think that it is bad that they invited partners. Yes it's unusual for work drinks but this seems like it's more like socialising. I think that if you are single and going to remain so you can't not socialise with couples - people do like to bring their partners out and usually count their partners as friends. I don't see why it would be awkward, they won't be snogging at the table and you might actually get along with the partners. If you don't want to come alone why not bring another friend along as your plus one?

Squeegle · 22/07/2015 22:09

I know what you mean, but it will actually mean you know them all a bit better. When you get to kno people's other halves, you get to know them. I do sympathise, as I am single, and always seem to be - but go along, have a good time, and think of it as getting to know them a bit more.

Original poster

harperleeharper · 22/07/2015 22:46

Yes it's unusual for work drinks but this seems like it's more like socialising. I think that if you are single and going to remain so you can't not socialise with couples - people do like to bring their partners out and usually count their partners as friends. I don't see why it would be awkward, they won't be snogging at the table and you might actually get along with the partners

I can't remember saying it would be awkward...

Like I said I socialise with couples a lot these days, which is why I was looking forward to a night with just friends (potential still getting to know the person friends)

OP posts:

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