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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I overeacted?

208 replies

heartmoonshadow · 19/07/2015 17:23

Last week phoned niece who is working abroad to say happy birthday. In conversation mentioned to her that I hadn't seen any facebook updates was the wifi not working where she is? She then waffled on saying she had unfriended me because her university asked her to and her job suggested facebook was not suitable etc and that she now solely used it for uni friends. I was a bit shocked because she hadn't told me and a little offended but I accepted her reasons.

After a while though I sat thinking about her excuse and something did not seem right so I went onto facebook and looked at her page which she is showing publically. And in true FB style it told me we have mutual friends - ALL of whom are family and some are even ex-partners of family.

I got annoyed and called her on the lie, and to cut a long story short I no longer trust her. I have told her that access to my home is now over and that I do not want her around my kids after all I have to be able to trust someone to allow them around my kids.

She moaned to her mum - understandably - who has had a go at me for upsetting her daughter!

Cue family feud.

OP posts:
mrsdavidbowie · 19/07/2015 17:25

Yes you over reacted.

ltk · 19/07/2015 17:26

You have started a family feud over Facebook and you need us to tell you if you are being unreasonable?

DadfromUncle · 19/07/2015 17:26

Yes you have overreacted - it's Facebook. OTOH she does appear to have been fibbing - I'd have wanted to know why she really "unfriended" me before going all nuclear no contact.

MissMuesli · 19/07/2015 17:27

Yes I think you did over react. Its pbly Facebook and the fact the she has deleted you isn't really a massive issue. It doesn't sound as though she dislikes you as a person as you are still in touch. I would guess the lie was to either stop the fallput or to save your feelings.

Nolim · 19/07/2015 17:27

Family feud over fb sounds lie an overreaction to me. So she unfriended youfor whatever reason and as a result she is not welcome around your kids?

Get over it and let it go.

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 19/07/2015 17:27

I think banning her from your home & kids was a bit extreme, she lied to you about FB, she does not eat babies!

WayneRooneysHair · 19/07/2015 17:28

That was a massive overreaction. You don't trust her around your kids because she unfriended you?!

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 19/07/2015 17:28

Maybe she was bored of whatever you usually post on FB or thought you would judge her for what she posts. FB is certainly not a good reason to start a family feud.

I'm friends with my DN on there but my own DS has blocked me! His choice and I'm not sure I need to see his endless updates about grunge metal bands and his grebo friends. If he'd had the tact and diplomacy to lie about blocking me rather than just because he doesn't want me seeing his stuff if have preferred it tbh!

YABU sorry.

mikado1 · 19/07/2015 17:29

Sorry yabu. No one has to have you as a friend on fb and for some reason, either she didn't want you on hers or didn't want you seeing hers, she chose to take you off. She was being U to lie when it was so easy to check but your reaction seems very controlling so maybe she had her reasons. I would apologise and hope you can sort it, would be a real pity to fall out.

0ldmum · 19/07/2015 17:29

Yabu, she is younger than perhaps there is stuff she gets up to she doesn't want you to see and tell her mum. It does sound a bit childish saying she can't come round your house.

Rivercam · 19/07/2015 17:30

Definitely over-reaction!

Maybe she decided she had to many followers friends and was doing a cull. When you challenged her, she waffles the first thing that came into her head.

I think it's a slight exaggeration to say you no longer trust her and want no contact just because she gave a lie about de-friending. An apology is due, methinks.

pinkyredrose · 19/07/2015 17:30

She probably unfriended you because you're a drama queen and she just couldn't be bothered with it anymore.

LindyHemming · 19/07/2015 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/07/2015 17:31

Yes you have. Any idea why she didn't want you on Facebook?

AllThatGlistens · 19/07/2015 17:31

She took you off her FB (there's no law to insist she has every family member on there you know..) and you've banned her from having any contact with your children because of it?

Hmm
ImperialBlether · 19/07/2015 17:32

Is her mum a friend of hers on Facebook? If not, I'd say what Oldmum says: she doesn't want you seeing what she's up to and talking to her mum about it.

I'm amazed that single people in their teens and twenties have their parents on FB!

Pensfriends · 19/07/2015 17:33

Please don't start a family feud over this. I've been nc with my DF for 18 months now after I unfriended his DP. He hasn't even met his new granddaughter.

Goshthatsspicy · 19/07/2015 17:34

I'm blocked from my son's, he is 16. I'm fine with that.
plus he is friends with my sister,if l want a nose Wink
I think you've been hurt, haven't you?

It isn't nice to be 'un-friended' even if it isn't cool to admit that on here.
Good luck fixing it. Smile

Goshthatsspicy · 19/07/2015 17:36

Actually, l'm still getting over the fact that l'm not cool, and a teen wouldn't want me to see his page!
I still think of myself as 20 something, l suppose! I'm 43 Grin

rindercella · 19/07/2015 17:36

YABU. Big overreaction on your part, however hurt you may have felt.

Facebook really can be the spawn of the devil.

RonaldMcDonald · 19/07/2015 17:36

This could echo a situation in my family entirely
Aunt utterly overshares and posts inappropriate things on her FB ( she is unaware that this is how she behaves )
Niece has had enough, as it embarrasses her and doesn't rep her views on many issues at all.
She removed Aunt
When asked by aunt she said uni had advised her to do it as she didn't want to upset over sharing but much loved aunt

Aunt checked it out and went mental
Niece devastated

Yabvvu

Original poster
heartmoonshadow · 19/07/2015 17:36

It is the lie that I am unhappy about could not give a monkeys about FB. I rarely post as dont want childrens pics out there. just noticed none of her pics showing - of which she posts hundreds - and asked how she was managing to live without it while abroad.

also she knows my feelings on lies - previous history - so surprised she didn't just tell me.

OP posts:
GloriousGoosebumps · 19/07/2015 17:36

I assume you've done something to upset her - have you seen photos of her rolling home drunk and criticised her or told tales? Your niece is as entitled to decide who she wants as a Facebook friend as the next person. It's a pity she lied to you but I assume that your question caught her on the hop and she said the first thing that came to mind. I hope she stands her ground and doesn't cave in to your threats. As for your children, what are you going to say to them when they ask why they no longer see your niece - that you've banned her because she won't have you as a friend on Facebook?

Roussette · 19/07/2015 17:36

So you're going to ban your niece from seeing your children because you are now not FB friends? Yes YABU.

Do people honestly live their lives through FB like this? Surely the relationship between your DCs and their cousin is far more important than whether you are FB friends or not?

NerrSnerr · 19/07/2015 17:37

Bloody hell, you sound really overbearing. Yes you really overreacted. It's Facebook. What do you usually post? That could be why she Unfriended you.