Have I overeacted?

[heartmoonshadow]

Last week phoned niece who is working abroad to say happy birthday. In conversation mentioned to her that I hadn't seen any facebook updates was the wifi not working where she is? She then waffled on saying she had unfriended me because her university asked her to and her job suggested facebook was not suitable etc and that she now solely used it for uni friends. I was a bit shocked because she hadn't told me and a little offended but I accepted her reasons.

After a while though I sat thinking about her excuse and something did not seem right so I went onto facebook and looked at her page which she is showing publically. And in true FB style it told me we have mutual friends - ALL of whom are family and some are even ex-partners of family.

I got annoyed and called her on the lie, and to cut a long story short I no longer trust her. I have told her that access to my home is now over and that I do not want her around my kids after all I have to be able to trust someone to allow them around my kids.

She moaned to her mum - understandably - who has had a go at me for upsetting her daughter!

Cue family feud.

There are sub friend categories? How does that work?

So Op, plus I think two others on this thread have been blocked by someone on fb.
Rather than self examine why they have been blocked, it appears to be all the blockers fault for being a liar.
Aren't you embarrassed you to be blocked by someone?

Omg if you tried to make it up with me after banning me from the house for unfriending you on Facebook and lying about it - Id tell you to fuck off!

I'm trying to be kind here- get some therapy

Gatorade you can set FB friends as close friends, friends or acquaintances. You can also set status updates and photos so that they can be seen by all or just some of the classes of FB friends.

So if you set Aunty X as an acquaintance, then set your statuses etc to friends except acquaintances, then you're still on Aunty X's FB friend list, but she can't see what you're up to.

I think you did overreact.
I sometimes deleted family members when I had fb because they would say annoying comments on my pictures or question me on them.

Yabu to place that amount of importance on Facebook.
Ywnbu if you got out more

@Gator:
when you post your status update, there's a box below that says 'Public' or whatever your most recent option was, with other categories to choose from within that (Friends/Acquaintences/etc). You select what level to make your status update when you post.

there are Other ways to set privacy high or low, too.

I actually think you're not being THAT U. She obviously thinks you are annoying or smug or something which is why she's unfriended you in which case I would find it hard to keep being nice to someone who clearly doesn't have time for me.
Bet she moans about your irritating posts to family too, so effectively is probably cunting you off a bit.

The kids/house ban thing is weird though, you sound quite dramatic!

Hope you get it sorted OP, maybe worth a break from FB for a while, you will probably be obsessing now about others who might have defriended you (hang on, where has Rita from Barsnsley we met in Benidorm in '97 gone??) which isn't healthy

I think your ott reaction to the Facebook incident says more about why she cut u off than the actual incident.

Wow did you ever over-react! I imagine she defriended you because you;re the kind of loon who reacts in such a bizarre manner.

I really hope she puts up 'imagine your aunt banishing you from her life because you unfriended her' as her FB status

YABVU

yes you have overreacted

You over-reacted, but you also seem quite certain that you've done the right thing.

I don't get how blocking you on Facebook and telling a lie about it when she got caught out equals her potentially hurting your kids, who are too young for Facebook at the moment anyway (as you say they are too young to remember her if you cut her out now).

The whole thing is really odd. I don't know why she deleted you as a friend, but there is a thread on here talking about the annoying things people share on Facebook which might be worth you having a look at.

It lists just about everything that ever happens on Facebook, so if you spot something you do that might have annoyed her (sharing Britain First posts, uploading photo's of your food or glass of wine, or asking people to join you in hating cancer but loving your kids seem to be the worst offences) then that might give you some sort of answer for why she deleted you.

Other than that, I suggest apologising to everybody now or settling down to being the bad guy in a really weird family feud.

I am laughing at this as I find it really bizzare. My dn refused me as a friend on fb and she lives with me. I know more about what she gets up to than I care to know. I certainly wouldn't throw her out of our house. It's just fb I have about 6 friends and a damp dog on fb it really doesn't bother me in the slightest

better not to remember her (young kids) than be trampled on

I have to ask wtf this is about??

YABU

Also, did you 'call her out on the lie' on her birthday? If so, that makes your overreaction even worse.

YABU

Relatedly, do you by any chance frequently 'Share' things on Facebook? Like, inspirational quotes, photos of your cat/baby (eg: every day), 'news; stories that turn out to be urban myths, etc etc? - that is the most obvious reason why someone would get unfriended without telling them.

Ah, but of course. Silly me.

OK I will face the wrath of the community by answering.

trampled on = hurt feelings a colloquialism where I am from.

Most people say I have done something on FB - assume I over post - in fact probably the opposite - look in once a month or so usually to see how people are getting on. Rarely if ever comment on her stuff as don't see the need to and never discuss with her parents as it is all public and her mum and dad are linked on her account. I have asked her why she deleted me specifically this afternoon and she has mumbled something about deleting a family group but then realising I was the only one she had put in the family group and that she meant to delete everyone! Problem I now have is do I believe her, would you?

Been looking for niece posts recently only because she is away from home for summer - not stalking her - only looking so kids could see pics as they are missing her. I have assured her she can see kids but logistics need to be worked out.

Our family have a HUGE issue with lies which she is well aware of and in the past we have been blunt with each other so we don't have misunderstandings. I do not want my kids feelings hurt like mine hence don't want to see her.

So whilst I agree I over reacted, feelings are not easy to manage and most replies missed the point - FB don't give a flying fig over really it was the LIE that was the issue.

TRUST is a big thing for me and she knows this - I have to trust someone to let them be with my kids so they don't get hurt they are very vulnerable so not just a mad Aunt but a very protective mum who doesn't want kids to be emotionally hurt now or in the future.

Oh my god, your kids will be emotionally damanged by their teenager cousin who deleted their mother by facebook?

Seriously? Do you always make a massive drama over every little thing?

I also do not have my aunt on facebook. Why? Because she is unbelievably annoying on her facebook posts. I am still a good cousin to her kid, just bought her a sticker book last week

I think you are over thinking it TBH.