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Original poster

Have I overeacted?

208 replies

heartmoonshadow · 19/07/2015 17:23

Last week phoned niece who is working abroad to say happy birthday. In conversation mentioned to her that I hadn't seen any facebook updates was the wifi not working where she is? She then waffled on saying she had unfriended me because her university asked her to and her job suggested facebook was not suitable etc and that she now solely used it for uni friends. I was a bit shocked because she hadn't told me and a little offended but I accepted her reasons.

After a while though I sat thinking about her excuse and something did not seem right so I went onto facebook and looked at her page which she is showing publically. And in true FB style it told me we have mutual friends - ALL of whom are family and some are even ex-partners of family.

I got annoyed and called her on the lie, and to cut a long story short I no longer trust her. I have told her that access to my home is now over and that I do not want her around my kids after all I have to be able to trust someone to allow them around my kids.

She moaned to her mum - understandably - who has had a go at me for upsetting her daughter!

Cue family feud.

OP posts:
usualsuspect333 · 19/07/2015 21:57

You are projecting your issues about lying and your children onto something that doesn't really matter.

AlpacaMyBags · 19/07/2015 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 19/07/2015 22:01

Look, she probably deleted you because she wants to share some potentially risque/distateful/personal stuff with her peers and not have you see it, ok?

I have to customise my settings for certain things from my own aunt who is a nice woman but a different kettle of fish to me in the humour and interests stakes.

She lied because she didn't want to be rude or hurt your feelings.

Get over it now and stop making such a fuss.

mumeeee · 19/07/2015 22:02

OP how old is your DN? Telling you a small white lie about why she deleted you from Facebook does not mean your children will get hurt in the future. In fact I think your children are more likely feel hurt if you stop your DN seeing them over this.

Backforthis · 19/07/2015 22:03

If this is how you react to your niece deleting you and trying to soften the blow, how will you cope with your children lying to you?

pictish · 19/07/2015 22:05

Yes and this business about her damaging your kids and being a liar you can't trust and so on...just stop it.
Do you turn everything into a melodrama like this?

Lurkedforever1 · 19/07/2015 22:05

Can I let you in on a little secret op? Facebook is just a website. It's not reality, it's just social media. Really it is.

pictish · 19/07/2015 22:06

Our family have a HUGE issue with lies which she is well aware of and in the past we have been blunt with each other so we don't have misunderstandings. I do not want my kids feelings hurt like mine hence don't want to see her.

Get. A. Grip.

Icimoi · 19/07/2015 22:07

If your children are missing her, don't you think it will do them more harm suddenly going no contact with her? Especially if, when asked, you tell them it is wholly your fault because you took offence about something as trivial as Facebook?

I get it that the issue of lying has some sort of particular resonance in your family, but seriously, does that not allow for any possibility if a white lie to spare someone's feelings?n it may have been something as trivial as cringing at the thought of an aunt being able to see her posts. For your children's sakes, please get this into proportion, OP.

MagicMojito · 19/07/2015 22:09

OP seriously, you're way WAY over reacting here!

I feel sorry for your dn. Just because YOU like to be blunt with people doesn't necessarily mean that SHE does. Some people prefare to be economical with the truth in order to spare others' feelings and/or avoid potential awkwardness clearly your not that fussed!

It was a tiny white lie.

In the nicest possible way, get over yourself.

UrethraFranklin1 · 19/07/2015 22:14

It's not her problem that someone lied to you in the past. Everyone lies. You lie. You're lying if you say you don't lie!
It was a lie about nothing, it doesn't matter. You're letting your own issues cloud your judgement, and you need to apologise to her and to your sister. If this is causing a family feud, you're the instigator, not her.

HoldYerWhist · 19/07/2015 22:16

I have assured her she can see kids but logistics need to be worked out.

Fuck me sideways!

Look, one of you is probably going to give your dc ishoos. I don't think it's your niece...

Nolim · 19/07/2015 22:17

Op the more you post the more i sympathize with your niece.

Maryz · 19/07/2015 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WayneRooneysHair · 19/07/2015 22:21

OP you are bat shit crazy Grin

Maryz · 19/07/2015 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/07/2015 22:23

You are taking a unilateral decision that your children will not see their Aunt, as well as your niece anymore because that is how it will pan out. Take it further and realise that they won't be included in many family events in future - and that will be down to YOU. You're not a protective mother, you're a slighted woman who is using children as a tool to teach your niece et al a lesson.

You're being ridiculous and I hope that your children have a caring father who overrules your silly decision before too much irrevocable damage is done.

Maryz · 19/07/2015 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Glitoris · 19/07/2015 22:24

I never say this on here...but I honestly feel sorry for your children.

What a lousy example of how to deal with relationships.

You have irrational issues,OP,and you just dragged your children into them.Sort it out.

ShuShuFontana · 19/07/2015 22:25

this is like joey and chandler lying about lying about the lying about the lies

or something

make her get in a box, all will be well.

LeBearPolar · 19/07/2015 22:29

Just to confirm Alpaca's list, I have hidden newsfeeds of people for the following reasons:

Overuse of hun and hubby.
Sharing of supposedly emotionally heart-rending stories that do the FB rounds.
Sharing of those ridiculous warnings about totally made up scams.

I am seriously contemplating hiding someone for use of the word holibob.

My point is: FB is petty. And you have massively overreacted.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 19/07/2015 22:31

This wasn't a massive lie, it was a tiny white lie to spare your feelings. Maybe she thinks you're boring, maybe she didn't want you seeing her stuff, maybe she thought you're not really on FB anyway so what's the point of being friends with you if you're not on there. I've had a major cull of not-really-friends because I want to decrease the visibility of my posts. I probably wouldn't bother explaining this to people who asked, I'd probably say something shorter but a white lie.

Was your niece directly involved in the family history about lying? If she wasn't then she's probably not so invested in being 100% bluntly honest about every little thing.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/07/2015 22:38

Fab song about 'white lies' from 'Lie To Me':

uk.search.yahoo.com/search?fr=nectar-tb-v3&type=61465&p=song%20white%20lie%20from%20lie%20to%20me

UnsolvedMystery · 19/07/2015 22:39

You really need to learn to lighten up a bit about lies.
Your children will lie, You lie, EVERYBODY lies!!
Why on earth did you feel the need to call her out on it? Why did you even need to check up on her FB friends list?

Epilepsyhelp · 19/07/2015 22:39

I wouldn't care about the lie but I would be hurt I'd been deleted. I definitely wouldn't have said anything though, for one thing it's just embarrassing!!

I would just leave this whole issue well alone now. If you're angry at her just be civil when you see her, no reason at all to stop kids seeing her or 'ban her from the house'.

I'm not sure you're entirely being honest with yourself; i think it hurts that she deleted you and that's why you're reacting so strongly, but you're clinging to the 'lie' reason because that's more of an 'acceptable' thing to be angry about than rejection.