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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I overeacted?

208 replies

heartmoonshadow · 19/07/2015 17:23

Last week phoned niece who is working abroad to say happy birthday. In conversation mentioned to her that I hadn't seen any facebook updates was the wifi not working where she is? She then waffled on saying she had unfriended me because her university asked her to and her job suggested facebook was not suitable etc and that she now solely used it for uni friends. I was a bit shocked because she hadn't told me and a little offended but I accepted her reasons.

After a while though I sat thinking about her excuse and something did not seem right so I went onto facebook and looked at her page which she is showing publically. And in true FB style it told me we have mutual friends - ALL of whom are family and some are even ex-partners of family.

I got annoyed and called her on the lie, and to cut a long story short I no longer trust her. I have told her that access to my home is now over and that I do not want her around my kids after all I have to be able to trust someone to allow them around my kids.

She moaned to her mum - understandably - who has had a go at me for upsetting her daughter!

Cue family feud.

OP posts:
APlaceOnTheCouch · 19/07/2015 17:55

Oh dear, yes, you have over-reacted. And, if it's any consolation, your niece obviously isn't an experienced liar or she would have said it was a technical glitch with facebook and she was trying to fix it (cue you silently seething and still not able to see her pics but unable to blame her for it). and yes I'm looking at you DSIS who used that excuse to our other DSIS

Banning her from seeing your DCs is so ott that I can't quite fathom it as a response. Either there is a massive backstory (involving her lying about stealing your winning lottery ticket or something) or you are way too over invested in social media. Have you spoken to people in RL about this? Have they tried to talk you down?

totallybewildered · 19/07/2015 17:55

I can't believe anyone would take face book so seriously. Who cares who is whos friend or why?

Grow up! You sound about 14

drudgetrudy · 19/07/2015 17:55

Yes-you have definitely over-reacted!

SrAssumpta · 19/07/2015 17:55

I can see why she unfriended you. Take it on the chin and for goodness sake act your age!

EatShitDerek · 19/07/2015 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Roussette · 19/07/2015 17:57

I luv you EatShitDerek. You have managed to post exactly what I was trying to.
And failing miserably Grin

wigglesrock · 19/07/2015 17:58

Christ, you have over reacted hugely, hopefully you can claw back a bit of your relationship and a lot of your common sense. Not everyone in your life has to hold themselves to the very high standard of honestly you obviously want. I really would try and sort this out because if you were my aunt I'd be giving you a very wide berth.

Redglitter · 19/07/2015 17:58

Have you over reacted?

I can't believe you're even asking such a ridiculous question. Ffs how old are you? Someone defriended you on FB. big deal. As pp said she was probably put on the spot when you asked and didn't want to hurt your feelings.

You're really prepared to sever ties with her and presumably the rest of her family over this??.Confused

Pancakeflipper · 19/07/2015 17:59

What are you posting FB?
Is she embarrassed by you.

If you post OTT stuff like your reaction to her removing people of FB then she might have a point....

FiveGoMadInDorset · 19/07/2015 17:59

You are nuts

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 19/07/2015 18:01

Totally bizarre.

mrsdavidbowie · 19/07/2015 18:01

I sense op is not going to take the unanimous YABU on board Grin

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 19/07/2015 18:01

Are you serious op? You sound like a precious child. It's because of sad, overly attached people like this that I don't use Facebook at all anymore. She didn't owe you any explanation as to why she was not on Facebook/deleted you. At least she seems to have tried to spare your feelings for some reason. I think you need to take a long look at yourself, your Facebook and your general attitude. Then apologise to your niece for your childish over-reaction.

Roussette · 19/07/2015 18:01

Plus you sound a bit stalkerish. I wouldn't want you as my FB friend, you would be dissecting everything I write on there not that I use it that much

ShadowFire · 19/07/2015 18:02

This sounds like a massive overreaction.

Okay, you don't like being lied to. But I would guess that your niece was caught off guard, and was reluctant to tell you the real reason she unfriended you in case she offended or upset you, so told a white lie to spare your feelings. That's especially plausible if you've got a history of this kind of overreaction to relatively minor things.

I think you owe your niece an apology.

(Also interested in what your FB is like. I've unfriended people before because what they were posting was annoying or (IMO) offensive, or because I kept getting spammed with friend requests from friends of theirs I'd never heard of. And my DBro won't friend our mum on FB because he doesn't want her to see everything he gets up to)

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/07/2015 18:02

I sense that too mrsdb I am expecting a defensive post coming up.

Jewels234 · 19/07/2015 18:03

Yes you overreated. I love my aunt but she posts stuff that just irritates me so much I defriended her.

Groovee · 19/07/2015 18:04

Yes you over reacted. I'm ostracised by my dads other children because I deleted one of them for her horrible comments about my mum. She phoned my dad's sister who in turn phoned my dad who told me off.

In fact he told me "I'll tell the family that you no longer wish to be acknowledged by them"

Suits me fine to be quite frank! But it's a website, get agrip!

InTheBox · 19/07/2015 18:06

I wonder why she didn't just restrict you. It would have saved you both a lot of bother. As far as your concerned you would have still been able to see that you are still 'friends' and she would have maintained her privacy and if pushed just said she hasn't posted much.

CarolPeletier · 19/07/2015 18:07

Well its pretty unanimous that yes, you over reacted. But no doubt you will drop feed in information which you believe justifies treating your niece how you did.

Can't think why anyone would unfriend you...!!! Hmm

EduCated · 19/07/2015 18:08

Good grief, are you actually suggesting you don't want your kids to know her because of this?

AntiHop · 19/07/2015 18:11

Yanbu. I would feel hurt by that. It's not 'just' facebook, it's a form a communication that's she's chosen to remove you from. If it was part of a general cull it would be different.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 19/07/2015 18:11

Sorry, just to add - why do you care so much if she deleted you in the first place? Are you an egomaniac who believes they have the most interesting Facebook (I'm thinking Minions, lots of them), or do you think you're entitled to see everything going on in your niece's life? Obviously you can speak other than Facebook, so it's not about how you communicate. Why is it a big deal, why did you need to ask about it in the first place?

Spartans · 19/07/2015 18:11

Massive over reaction. So massive in fact I think I can see why she lied about it. She knew this would happen either way.

Would love to know why she has actually unfriended you.

Banning her from your house? Very over the top.

CatMilkMan · 19/07/2015 18:12

Don't forget to cut her face out of any pictures you might have and make sure no one mentions her name in the house.
YABU.

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