Have I overeacted?

[heartmoonshadow]

Last week phoned niece who is working abroad to say happy birthday. In conversation mentioned to her that I hadn't seen any facebook updates was the wifi not working where she is? She then waffled on saying she had unfriended me because her university asked her to and her job suggested facebook was not suitable etc and that she now solely used it for uni friends. I was a bit shocked because she hadn't told me and a little offended but I accepted her reasons.

After a while though I sat thinking about her excuse and something did not seem right so I went onto facebook and looked at her page which she is showing publically. And in true FB style it told me we have mutual friends - ALL of whom are family and some are even ex-partners of family.

I got annoyed and called her on the lie, and to cut a long story short I no longer trust her. I have told her that access to my home is now over and that I do not want her around my kids after all I have to be able to trust someone to allow them around my kids.

She moaned to her mum - understandably - who has had a go at me for upsetting her daughter!

Cue family feud.

I can see why you're upset but it is not worth a family feud, surely
FWIW I would not want family members on FB either. If I had the damn thing.

FFS grow up. Most people have a lot more to worry about than bragbook. It's a very sad state of affairs when a social media site affects whether your niece can see your dcs. She probably was embarrassed by what you posted.
YABVVU and should focus on the real.world. Cannot for the life of me understand why people get so het up while whoever owns bragbook these days is rubbing his hands together watching the big bucks roll in

If your reaction was to ban her from your kids and home, then no wonder she wants from a drama queen aunt!
I'm sure she had a good reason in the first place.

Wow, I think you owe her an apology. Is she your niece on your side or your DH's. Either way I'm speechless.

Loon.

She probably lied because it's less hurtful than the real reason, which is probably that you are a pita on FB. I'm sure everyone knows people in RL who are OK but whose FB is a clusterfuck of 'I can't believe certain people can behave like that' and motivational quotes and Britain First shares.

Who knows maybe because of your previous facebook posts she doesn't want to risk being associated with you as it would cause problems at Uni.

Maybe she didn't want to say " Sorry auntie Heartmoon I find you a tad unhinged and prone to over reactions so I've had to delete you" I suspect the lie was to save face and not hurt your feelings but she should have anticipated you would checked her account and found her out. She should have just restricted you.

Life's too short to have a family feud over facebook.

I think I can guess why she deleted you, you sound like a massive drama queen!

I'm not surprised she defriended you.

Have a bonkers auntie on FB is not cool.

Tbh I am surprised she uses. My teenager kids hardly ever go on it any more.

There are ways to restrict who sees what. She I guess doesn't use this functionality.

In the last year I've deleted three of my DH's (not close)family for racist FB posts. Will quite happily explain why truthfully.

But I am on the edge of deleting a nothing family member because they are filling my timeline with mindless 'motivational' pictures or other nonsense. She's a nice lady and although I'm not one to shy away from confrontation I'll no doubt hedge a bit if asked why. To save her feelings.

If I was banned from her home as a result I'd be astounded at the overreaction.

You aren't entitled to be FB friends with her you know.

Massive overreaction.

I think if you're prone to this sort of drama you should step away from social media immediately. It's not for you.

I've been sorely tempted to unfriend my in laws and father. I cringe when they post on my page and its started to feel a bit like stalking, they never miss a post, always the first to comment, usually missing the point that I was joking about something. Then there's the crappy faux sentimental memes, philosophical Buddhist crap that they don't actually believe and, the worst of all, the Britain First posts. The only reason I haven't is because I fear they'd react like you have and I don't want to fall out with them, I like them, they're just not good with FB and I find myself censoring myself because of them. I'm sure she likes you, just not on FB.

I'm also not a fan of a lie, but let's be honest here, it's not a huge lie and she's clearly not an accomplished liar is she?

I understand you OP. If your niece can casually lie to you over a small thing like Facebook, it does make you question her integrity.

What a crock
I've told almost the same white lie to my second cousin (although I hid her rather than unfriended) because of the utter bollocks she spouts on FB
I fibbed to spare her feelings and preserve peace amongst the tribe - I do not plan to sacrifice her firstborn or lie under oath!!
YABU and very silly.

It doesn't matter how big the lie is. A lie is a lie.

Should have added:
If you're planning on cutting contact totally between her and your own children be aware that when they are older and they find out that you stopped them from having contact with a close family member because of social media they will quite possibly resent you hugely.

Nah - I agree with Patsy. A small lie to obviously protect feelings and avoid confrontation is just not on. The niece should have been perfectly honest in why she felt the need to delete the OP, in minute detail. Telling the truth is the most important factor in this discussion, and not the OP's inability to deal with both a minor rejection that has no impact on her real life, or the fact she's so unapprochable that the niece had to tell a white lie to cover herself. No, how dare bad niece tell such a horrid lie, she has no morals and should be disowned by all other family members - or at least have her mouth washed out with soap.

Yes YABU, very Unreasonable...and a tad unhinged

YABVU

I expect she lied to you about FB to spare the inevitable massive dramayour feelings in some way. I would guess that this, deep down, is really the issue? That is, you know there is some reason that she doesn't want a relationship with you on social media.

Certainly, that is what I would want to get to the bottom of if it was my niece rather than the lie in itself.

But to ban her from the house - not a real mature way to deal with the issue is it? As other people have suggested, it is tempting to draw conclusions about the factors underpinning your FB "exclusion" from the way you have handled it. You sound about 12.

I've hidden my cousin, if she ever asked me why I'd lie and say 'ooh must be a FB glitch'. it's not because she posts 200 photos of her kids a day and I haven't seen her for at least 40 years and I only accepted her add out of politeness.