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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to leave him for that long

26 replies

Happilymarried155 · 10/07/2015 06:25

Dh wants to go away for 2 nights, our son will only be 6 months old and I just don't want to leave him for that long. I think dh thinks I'm being abit 'clingy' but I disagree I will go away for one night and have left him with grandparent for evenings when we have been out for dinner etc... I also think it's a lot to expect someone to have him for two nights. They have said they would love to and they love him dearly but I still think it's a big ask!

OP posts:

Orangedaisy · 10/07/2015 06:31

DD is 16 months and I've not left her overnight yet. She's still BF so gives me a nice excuse but even if she wasn't I wouldn't have left her at 6 months cos I am a bit pfb. YANBU. Baby is tiny for such a small time, just wait til you're ready.

Teabagbeforemilk · 10/07/2015 06:34

Hmm I kind of would do it. As in I would be willing to do it, I wouldn't be willing to ask my parents to do a whole weekend at that age. Mum and dad really struggle with babies. From about 3 up, they find it much easier. So I wouldn't ask. Pil don't do any child care, so definitely wouldnt ask them.

My first 2 night stay away was when the youngest was 3 and mum actually asked to take them away.

confusedandemployed · 10/07/2015 06:36

I did it and DD was fine (and so was I). She had a fab time with Granny and DP and i had a fab time remembering our delicious freedom. However it sounds like you wouldn't be ok so YANBU.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 10/07/2015 06:45

The baby will be fine but if you don't want to that's perfectly valid

LilyMayViolet · 10/07/2015 06:52

I did something similar when Dd was 10 months old. I left her for 3 nights because my then dp had booked a break and I felt I had to go. I absolutely hated it and Dd was very clingy while staying at home with her grandma. I wouldn't do it again if I had another baby.

Plateofcrumbs · 10/07/2015 06:52

YWNBU to do it but YANBU to not want to

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 10/07/2015 06:52

Babies dont really have any concept of time so two nights will feel no different to them than one. But if you dont want to you dont want to.

Id do it though.

LilyMayViolet · 10/07/2015 06:54

I should add that this hasn't turned dd into an insecure wreck, now, at the age of 12 she's as happy and independent as all of her friends.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 10/07/2015 07:13

If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it.
You're not going to enjoy yourself if you're thinking about your baby the whole time. Tell your dh its a nice idea, but can you put it off a bit? I have to admit, at 6 months old I would not have left either of mine overnight, let alone two.

GreyBird84 · 10/07/2015 07:27

I cancelled a night away with DH when DS would have been 4months. Still went to concert but just not overnight.

We are staying away overnight when he will be 11 & a half months old (soon!) and I am looking forward to That one night. I wasn't ready earlier though.

Go with your gut instinct OP.

eurochick · 10/07/2015 07:30

I travel for work and had one night away when she was six months (my first day back!) and four nights away six weeks later. I missed her, but tbh I think it was harder on my husband!

FizzlePops · 10/07/2015 07:34

I wouldn't either my DD is 16m and I've never left her overnight and don't plan to for the foreseeable future.

ClunkyBoobster · 10/07/2015 07:36

Defo follow your gut, if you don't feel comfortable don't let your DP pressure you as you wouldn't likely enjoy yourself anyway!!

Why can't you compromise and do one night away (which you've said you'd do happily)? As others have said my DS is 18 months and I've never left him overnight. Partly because no one has offered to have him and he still wakes up a billion times a night so I wouldn't like to ask anyone.

isittheweekendyet · 10/07/2015 07:49

God I'd do it in a heartbeat! No one is going to be scarred for life by a 2 day trip away, but obv don't do it if you're not comfortable as that's hardly going to make for a relaxing break away with your dh! Could you compromise and go away for 1 night?

Writerwannabe83 · 10/07/2015 07:51

I left DS overnight for the first time when he was about 13 months and only then it was because of work shifts and I knew he was at home with his dad.

Me and DH have a wedding we are travelling to when DS is 18 months old and although it will be nice to have a weekend away with DH I'm already feeling a little bit fretful at the though of having to leave him overnight with someone else and not really see him for two days......

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 10/07/2015 07:57

I wouldn't. No, he won't be scarred for life but he may spend the whole two days and nights distressed because his primary carer has disappeared.

I would happily leave my 4yo with his GPs but not my 14mo DD, if I didn't absolutely have to. I know he would have fun and see being away from us as an adventure but she would not.

Minniemagoo · 10/07/2015 07:58

Look it's each to their own, if you don't want to you really don't have to justify those feelings to anyone.
I, however, do believe that your spousal relationship is the most important one and it does need to be nurtured especially when babies are small. I remember being told by someone I love that your children will move n and out and Dh is the one I'll be looking at for the next 60 years :) I know not every one is of the same opinion.
I did leave all my children with their grandparents when young, the odd overnight and sometimes longer. I think it has strengthened their relationship too. When my Dad unexpectantly got sick and died (300 miles away) my ILs had the kids for 10 days and dealt with all their emotions etc wonderfully which is a huge testament to their relationship.
So for me yes I would go as I think there are 2 relationships that could benefit but if you are not ready that's all you have to say.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 10/07/2015 08:00

It's fine to leave him for 2 nights, it's fine not to leave him if you don't want to. In your situation I would try and get your dh to compromise on 1 night.

morelikeguidelines · 10/07/2015 08:02

I'm sure baby will be completely fine and there would be nothing wrong with going for two nights if you wanted.

But if you don't want to, you don't want to, and you don't have to.

I left ds for three nights at that age - I'm fact 5 months - to go to a wedding abroad with dd (my brother's). He was with dh though so it was a bit different. I didn't have to worry about burdening the grandparents. I left both kids for one night when ds was six months with mum and auntie and they were fine.

twirlypoo · 10/07/2015 08:05

I left ds when he was about 5 months for the night as I was desperate for a break (lone parent) left him for 2 nights when he was about 2 but that felt far too long to me and I struggled. Left him again a few months ago to go away for 2 nights with work and positively skipped off

Totally depends on you at that age as they have no concept of time. Do what you are comfortable with (and enjoy, I'm sooo jealous!)

wannaBe · 10/07/2015 08:06

there is no right or wrong answer here. If you're not ready and don't want to then don't. It really is that simple. I never left mine overnight until he was two, and that was what worked for me. conversely I worked with someone who went to Greece for two weeks and left her four mo with her parents. It very much is each to their own and you are not obliged to justify your reasoning to anyone.

BearFeet · 10/07/2015 08:15

I'd jump at the chance.

Florrieboo · 10/07/2015 08:17

My daughter is 3.5 and I have never had a night apart from her (she is breastfed) but, she would survive for one night without boob, I am however not ready to be apart from her overnight yet. It's not a case of PFB, she is my youngest.

My older boys are 6 and 7 they have been apart from me for 3 nights each in total, and they were together those times. It's no hardship, they are my children I don't need nights away from them.

littlejohnnydory · 10/07/2015 08:48

YANBU. My baby is 7 months (fourth child, not pfb!) and I haven't left her for more than ten minutes yet! There is no way I'd leave a baby overnight. They'd survive, I'm sure and be well cared for but at that age they don't know you're coming back or understand why their primary caregiver has disappeared. It would be really frightening for a baby.

Purplepixiedust · 10/07/2015 09:01

It would be fine to go but if you don't want to leave him no one should push you. Baby is only 6 months. Once we had our son we became a family and all went away together. We did different things to before he was born but they were just as good. We had no able parents though to step in which makes a difference. However at 6 months I wouldn't have left him over night. I was still frequently bf. I didn't leave him with anyone apart from DH until he started nursery at 11 months when I went back to work! 1 night would be the compromise with your DH but if you didn't want to go at all that should still be ok.

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