Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School giving mixed messages..

18 replies

Spottypjs1 · 03/07/2015 10:22

There is a boy in DS1's class (y5) who is G and T in many areas and has been chosen for nearly everything since Reception which causes a lot of frustration amongst the parents of children in that class. The school maintain that all children chosen to represent the class do so because they have fulfilled certain criteria.

My DS is well behaved, middle of the road academically, but has been the fastest in the class since Reception. For some reason, this year, child x was asked to represent the class in running on sports day and not my DS who was very upset. In all the years my children have been at school, this is the first time I have been in to question a decision made by them. They got them to race again and my DS won easily so they reinstated him. However, I have been told that the Head told child x and DS that, whoever came second, could represent the class next year. I am not even sure that child x is the second fastest boy so I am not sure what is going on.

As I said above, I never interfere at school but for some reason this has really hit a nerve. This is the one day a year for my child to shine and it means so much to him and this comment blithely made by the Head means that my DS will be disappointed next year.

Do I
a) remind them that their policy is to only choose those who have fulfilled the criteria. ie fastest/ more able at maths / art etc
or b) suggest that they apply this lax attitude to all criteria thus giving others a chance to represent the class regardless of meeting criteria.

Any other suggestion please.

OP posts:
Tangerineandturquoise · 03/07/2015 10:26

Wont the classes change next year.
Honestly if you think it is a problem- make an appointment with the head and teacher and ask what is going on, you may find they have a rational explanation.

LindyHemming · 03/07/2015 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 03/07/2015 10:31

I would suggest the more lax attitude for "friendly" stuff. When the kids compete for fun, let different ones try each time.
If you are competing for silverware, then the school need to submit the "quality players" for the competition.
Yanbu about the same few kids being chosen for everything and the rest being left out.

SoupDragon · 03/07/2015 10:36

This is the one day a year for my child to shine and it means so much to him

Much the same as it might be for another child.

The school maintain that all children chosen to represent the class do so because they have fulfilled certain criteria.

What are those certain criteria? It might not be "best at..." It might just be "good at..."

Whether you choose option a or b from your OP depends on what you think is fair.

vindscreenviper · 03/07/2015 10:47

I'm just Shock that the school re-ran the race because you asked them to, I wonder what the mother of the other boy thought about that?

Original poster
Spottypjs1 · 03/07/2015 10:47

SoupDragon

I totally agree with point 1; if it had been any other child and not the child who gets chosen for everything, I could have explained this to my DS and my lovely DS would have been sad but would totally understand that it is nice for others to take part too. It is the fact that it is child x who does nearly everything and has plenty of opportunity to shine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spottypjs1 · 03/07/2015 10:52

vindscreenviper

I didn't ask them to re-run the race. I contacted school to ask them how the decision had been made. I think school decided that they must have made a mistake with timings because the other children in the class confirmed that my DS had indeed been the fastest during the initial race offs.

OP posts:
CherylBerylMeryl · 03/07/2015 10:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Spottypjs1 · 03/07/2015 10:58

Thanks for your kind words CherylBeryl, I agree, it makes no difference to me, I am an adult but it is a huge deal for a child who gets sidelined at school most of the time.

I also think you may have missed the point that it is unfair that child x gets to do everything and it is the principle of the matter.

OP posts:
nigelslaterfan · 03/07/2015 11:02

Oh I do empathise. I had a ds who was not a star in his teachers' eyes after year 2. He was never picked or rewarded or praised much, it was always the same few kids that seemed to get recognition. It's awful being a parent of a child who doesn't get to shine. ds has got bigger now and does shine in different areas but the Primary School favouritism really irritated me.

But now I have a dd who is in primary and shines at loads of things and gets rewarded for achievement. But the school seems fairly careful to reward across the board for different kinds of strengths. Sports day was done in random groups and 1st, 2nd, 3rd place winners got appropriate badges but then so did all the partakers.

I really suffered with my ds though, I don't think school staff realise how much it hurts the parent to have a child that never seems to get any acknowledgement.

Floggingmolly · 03/07/2015 11:08

I'm not sure what the answer is; but it certainly does happen, no point in pretending it doesn't. The other boy being promised he can do it next year regardless is a bit off...

nigelslaterfan · 03/07/2015 11:11

Definitely speak to HT and say positive things too, but stress that for your child's motivation and learning he needs to feel that he is successful to and than a moment to shine will help him in his confidence and self belief.

Original poster
Spottypjs1 · 03/07/2015 11:15

Thank you, nigelslaterfan that is so true.

OP posts:
nigelslaterfan · 03/07/2015 11:18

If you make sure any concern is wrapped in other praise they will hear what you're saying.
I have always gone in armed with good praise, they want to help you then.

mikado1 · 03/07/2015 12:19

What is G and T? This would annoy me, I think you were right and would definitely have a follow up conversation.

skinoncustard · 03/07/2015 12:23

Gifted & Talented.

Teabagbeforemilk · 03/07/2015 12:45

My dd is g & t and teh school makes a point of not picking her for everything. She is very musical but certainly doesn't get picked for everything. She and us are happy with that.

The problem here is that one child is being picked for everything and others are not getting a chance. Surely if the school decided to re run the race the criteria must have been 'the fastest' .

Since it's representing the school, the fastest should be the one go. Internal stuff should be more open to letting other kids compete.

The school sets the criteria, but they aren't being clear on what it iis.

The fact that the same child is being picked for everything isn't fair on the class, especial since he clearly wasn't the fastest and next years competition should be sorted next year. Sounds to me like the HT knew this child wouldn't win and said it to placate him. Might be my suspicious mind but I can't help wonder why the HT did this.

Teabagbeforemilk · 03/07/2015 12:48

On the other side. Dd went to a different school until year 3. Talented children were never recognised there because the school wanted to encourage the other pupils. Which is fine to a point. Except then the kids being left out start feelings discourged for their effort as it was never recognised. There has to be a happy medium

New posts on this thread. Refresh page