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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed by this rudeness

28 replies

vodkanchocolate · 30/06/2015 09:50

This morning on the school walk called at the local co-op to use the cash machine, there was an oap lady using it and was taking her time think she was struggling to see the screen with the sun and was all doddery. There was a middle aged guy in front of us huffing and puffing, turned to me and said for god sake im already late for work!! Was obvious she heard the comment as she turned round and glared, she eventually got her money and then put the card back in... again the man was really agrivated and was talking under his breath. I was annoyed by his attitude towards her tbh. Again she seemed all flustered eventually left the cash machine and dropped her purse some coins dropped out, my dd aged 9 bobbed down to help when the lady shouted really loud at her to get her hands off!! I said shes just helping and she just totally blanked me. The grumpy guy then says to me that some people shouldnt be let out (referring to the lady).

This is a fine example of 2 wrongs dont make a right im guessing she was all flusterd and irritated about the guy and took it out on my little girl. Find it so sad as dd was upset said not helping strangers anymore :(

OP posts:

nikinaki · 30/06/2015 09:55

Yes I agree that's really not nice. It annoys me when people say that youngsters these days are rude and up to no good and your example proves that that is not always the case! Your DD tried to be helpful and both the man and woman were rude. This is a good time to explain to your DD that she did the right thing and that the lady was probably just stressed and didn't mean what she said

ilovesooty · 30/06/2015 09:58

Have you attempted to explain to your daughter that the man's behaviour humiliated and upset the lady in the first place?

Original poster

vodkanchocolate · 30/06/2015 09:58

Yes fully agree and pretty much said that to her told her im proud that she used her own initiative to help even if it wasnt wanted

OP posts:

kissmethere · 30/06/2015 10:01

She's taken it out on your df and that's not fair, the guy was out of order. Poor dd just reassure her she didn't do anything wrong.

Samcro · 30/06/2015 10:08

sounds like the rude man had wound her up. poor woman

AnneTwacky · 30/06/2015 10:09

The man was wrong but the woman is an adult and responsible for her own actions.

Reassure your dd that just because you ran into two particularly grumpy people today, doesn't mean her good attitude did not go unoticed and let her know that you were impressed by her kindness even if the grumpy old women wasn't.

Your dd sounds like a little star.

Baaaaaaaaaaaa · 30/06/2015 10:11

Or perhaps she was afraid she was being robbed. Old people do feel vulnerable and someone suddenly diving down (from presumably behind her and therefore out of her eyeline) must have been scary for her. Perhaps a "here, let me help you" might have alerted the lady and taken some of the shock out of the situation.

AdeleDazeem · 30/06/2015 10:13

Poor woman, yes; but there was absolutely no need to take it out on a little girl. She didn't yell at the rude man, did she? No, not on ' someone her own size'.

Iliveinalighthousewith2friendl · 30/06/2015 10:16

Yes he was rude. No question about that.. However I do get where his frustration was coming from. He was obviously panicking about being late for work. For all we. Could possibly know. He could be on a warning at work. Have a mortgage to pay and kids to cloth and feed.
Mornings are a bloody pain at times,and. You haven't always got the time for patience.
Poor old lady mind. Hope she's okAy

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 30/06/2015 10:17

I agree with your DD. I think twice about helping people now. People are changing.

Is there anything more irritating than holding a door open for someone and them ignoring you?

OnlyLovers · 30/06/2015 10:20

That's sad for your DD (who sounds like a lovely thoughtful person).
I do think the horrible man wound up the woman, not that that's really an excuse to snap at your DD but I can see where she was coming from.

I kind of hope your DD changes her mind about not helping people any more; IME most people are at least polite and, more usually, lovely if I do them a tiny kindness like this one. But again, I totally see why she feels as she does at the moment.

You should all three of you have turned and yelled at the man!

CassieBearRawr · 30/06/2015 11:26

I'm sorry your daughter feels upset but if one incident puts her off helping people ever again that's a bit silly. Older people can feel vulnerable especially at places like cash machines, the old lady was clearly already on edge from the arse of a man. It's a shame she took it out on your daughter but I certainly wouldn't blame her.

derxa · 30/06/2015 11:26

Just because she's old and doddery it doesn't mean she's a nice person.

ilovesooty · 30/06/2015 11:29

If you're on a warning at work you don't go visiting cashpoints and leaving yourself no time for error.
The lady might suffer to some degree with dementia. Far more excuse for her behaviour than for the man's and to decide that she was deliberately aggressive and unpleasant indicates a significant lack of empathy.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 30/06/2015 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

vodkanchocolate · 01/07/2015 16:52

Thanks for replys. I have explained all this to dd she seems to be not as botherd now think she was just a little shocked yesterday. Shes a very good natured girl im sure wont effect her too much :)

OP posts:

NoArmaniNoPunani · 01/07/2015 16:59

The man was rude but the lady was wrong to put her card back in when there was a queue. I think they were both rude.

Original poster

vodkanchocolate · 01/07/2015 17:08

I think they both are too, I dontg know why she put it back in anyways wasnt to get any money, part of me wondered if she was just trying to wind him up as punishment for huffing and puffing

OP posts:

GayByrne · 01/07/2015 17:18

He sounds like a bellend and she sounds like a mardy cow.

You sound nice as does your little one.

scribblegirl · 01/07/2015 17:20

You & your DD have my sympathies. I gave a lady directions the other day (and some advice about best tube line to get etc) and she just wandered off when I finished speaking without saying thank you. Was only then that I noticed she didn't say please either when she'd asked me.

People are rubbish!

landoflostcontent · 01/07/2015 17:20

The old lady could have been my mother a couple of years ago. She didn't realise how much she wasn't coping and would still try to be independent. She was also fearful of being robbed or taken advantage of.

I am so glad there are still people like you and your daughter who instinctively help. If your old lady wasn't grateful there is probably a daughter somewhere who would be, just as I am thankful for all the people I never met who helped my mother and probably got their heads bitten off. Tell your daughter thank you from me and all the old ladies that need help.

Original poster

vodkanchocolate · 01/07/2015 17:25

aww its a sad world that people dont offer to help others in need. I know not everyone want help but I think id just be greatful that the offer was there

OP posts:

chewymeringue · 01/07/2015 17:44

That's a horrible experience and I can well understand why you're both upset about it. I suppose she was probably flustered and perhaps that made her a bit confused (has happened to me in the heat of the moment).

Otoh she may be an unpleasant person! My DW gets this sort of reaction from people constantly when she is trying to be helpful and courteous. I never get that reaction so I can only assume it's because she's quite large and black and there are very few black people where we live. It's depressing and does make you think twice about helping I agree.

Floggingmolly · 01/07/2015 17:51

Why do people always make up the most unlikely scenarios to make shitty behaviour appear ok? He may have been on a warning from work. Wtf??
I'm just surprised nobody proposed he may have had special needs...
Maybe he was just an utter arsehole; there are enough of them about.

chewymeringue · 01/07/2015 17:52

Yes, his behaviour was inexcusable. No question about that.

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