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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to Cousins wedding?

22 replies

RedKite1985 · 25/06/2015 10:40

My Cousins wedding is on 25th July and I am really struggling to justify spending £167.00 on a hotel room (cheapest I could find) plus money on clothes to attend her wedding (I literally have no formal wear). We have not seen each other for a very long time and barely keep in touch.

When I do get together with my late Mother's side of the family we always have great fun and it is in a lovely area.

My 3 elder brother's are going but they earn a lot more money than I do.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Amber76 · 25/06/2015 10:46

Can you not drink and drive home?
And there are lovely maxi dresses Around At the moment that are cheap and look well.

RattleAndRoll · 25/06/2015 10:50

We recently didn't attend a christening as we couldn't justify the cost of buying outfits. I had nothing formal that fitted, DH only had a black suit and we had been told by the parents of the child being christened that he wasn't allowed to wear black. So we didn't go.

Drowsybutawake · 25/06/2015 10:50

How about charity shop or borrowing a dress from a friend?

Will you be on your own? In situations like this before we had DC we used to club together with friends and share family rooms, maybe one of your DBs would be up for sharing his room?

Or we camped nearby once, was a bit of a faff but I think if you know you'll have a lot of fun at the wedding it might be worth it.

Original poster
RedKite1985 · 25/06/2015 10:57

It's a 2 and a half - 3 hour drive to get there. I have a driving test on Tuesday so if I pass then I would just go to the day and drive back. Eeek.

Brothers have a lot of children so would not be able to share rooms.

I was thinking a maxi dress.

OP posts:
haveabreakhaveakitkat · 25/06/2015 11:02

Rattleandroll No black at a christening? How daft.

Bunbaker · 25/06/2015 11:02

"We recently didn't attend a christening as we couldn't justify the cost of buying outfits"

You really don't need posh clothes for a christening. As long as you don't look scruffy. I would have hated people not to turn up at DD's christening because they couldn't afford a new outfit. I didn't buy a new outfit for her christening.

RattleAndRoll · 25/06/2015 11:07

We hadn't been to a christening before so we asked the parents what sort of thing people wear. We were told wedding attire but no black suits.
I live in skinny jeans, DH in combats or jeans. I don't have any thing smarter that fits (DS is 10 months so I should really have lost weight by now but haven't) DH only had a black suit, ironically that he bought to wear to this couples wedding a few years back. His weight doesn't fluctuate so he still fitted but was told no.

dressingpalette · 25/06/2015 11:08

Don't go op

Totally reasonable to not do something because you can't afford it

Say you unfortunately can't go and send them a nice card

Bunbaker · 25/06/2015 11:11

As a (lapsed) regular churchgoer, and having been present at many christenings I can assure you that wedding attire at a christening is way OTT. The parents sound way too precious. I like to have my friends and family with me at events like this regardless of whether they are dressed up or in jeans.

haveabreakhaveakitkat · 25/06/2015 11:12

Op, it would be a shame not to go and enjoy yourself with a drink or two!

Are you sure you've checked all the budget hotels in the area? Premier Inn, Holiday Inn, Travel Lodge etc

Booking.com Hotels.com, Alpharooms etc are good as you can sort by price.

Weebirdie · 25/06/2015 11:16

What about a B&B rather than a hotel?

IT seems such a shame to miss it if you have a great time with the family when you see them.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 25/06/2015 11:46

I don't think it's a problem to decline the invite.

You could possibly look for somewhere cheaper to stay if you were able to drive, so drive a bit from the reception venue to a cheaper Holiday Inn or similar. We've also booked B&Bs too, they can be very good value.

Drinks-wise, often you can buy squash at the bar (they use cordial as a mixer in some drinks and it's therefore usually cheap to buy a pint of squash). Can really help reduce the soft drinks bill if driving.

Cheap maxi dress or summer dress from the high street. You'll get wear all summer out of it. Wear with sparkly flip flops if you don't have any suitable shoes. TKMaxx is often worth a look.

Uhplistrailer · 25/06/2015 11:59

Just say you can't go if you're not that close. I didn't question why any of our guests didn't attend our wedding. None of my business.

Teladi · 25/06/2015 12:03

If it's just not going to work then YANBU. It's a valid reason not to go, not that you need to explain yourself to anyone!

CakeLady1 · 25/06/2015 13:19

Whatever you decide, decide quickly and let them know, because what IS unreasonable is letting them down too close to the date when they wont have chance to invite anyone else in your place. Although having said that, if they've only just sent you an invite then they've not been very reasonable in giving you the opportunity to book a hotel room in advance, I.e. When other, cheaper ones may have been available nearby.
It's one to weigh up...

paxtecum · 25/06/2015 13:22

Are they getting married in Central London?
?167 is a lot of money for a hotel room anywhere else.

Could you get a dress from a charity shop?

MaxPepsi · 25/06/2015 14:26

Are there any family members you can stay with close to the venue? I.e Aunts and Uncles or other cousins?

Will your brothers pay for you? Are they getting family rooms or separate rooms for the kids that you could bunk in?

Seems such a shame if you are the only family member not able to make it but ywnbu to not go if you can't afford it.

And formal wear for a wedding is getting less and less necessary these days. Long floaty maxi dress or long skirt and nice top. Have you a Matalan near you?
Loads of lovely stuff in there when I was last in 2 weeks ago - they were gearing up for the holiday season.

thecatneuterer · 25/06/2015 14:34

What about staying in an Airbnb? Much cheaper - as little as £25 a night.

lem73 · 25/06/2015 14:38

Thanks to my dm and df, we don't have much of a relationship with our extended family. I have never been invited to a family wedding. I'd love to have your problem so go!!

UglyBugaz · 25/06/2015 14:39

Do not make yourself broke for this. If you cannot afford it, don't go it isn't important.

cozietoesie · 25/06/2015 14:41

I'd say 'Don't Go' then - your brothers will be representing your side of the family and will tell you how it was and show you their pictures. Just send her a nice card saying that unfortunately you can't make it and wishing them well.

Mitzimaybe · 25/06/2015 14:42

It's only four weeks away! Have you already replied to the invitation? If you've already accepted it and are now having second thoughts, then you really ought to go unless something major has changed between accepting and now (e.g. lost your job). (Because they might be committed to paying for you whether you turn up or not.) If you've only just been sent the invitation then it's perfectly fine for you to decline.

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