Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Flat battery and a difference of opinion

25 replies

Thebestusernamesaretaken · 22/06/2015 20:24

Long story short, I left my husband last October, took our children and moved into a refuge as I felt he was ea. About 3 weeks after I left my dad helped me out by buying a very cheap runabout. I am now living apart from my husband but have contact with him. This weekend while the children were visiting their dad/my husband the battery on the car failed. My husband feels strongly that my dad should be paying for a new battery as he provided the car, I've not asked and nor has my father offered, I'm not currently working so only get state benefits, is my husband right and should I have asked him?

OP posts:

mmollytoots · 22/06/2015 20:27

No when you took on the car you took on the responsibility. your dad give you help when you needed it so yet cant ask him to pay for every issue with the car

youareallbonkers · 22/06/2015 20:31

Your dad helped you out by buying a car and you expect him to pay for more? He should fill it with fuel too and wash it. Dear god!

Original poster

Thebestusernamesaretaken · 22/06/2015 20:35

It's my husband that feels my dad should pay, but he also blamed my dad for me leaving and has pretty much said if I didn't have a car I'd have gone back to him, this may be colouring his opinion.

OP posts:

UglyBugaz · 22/06/2015 20:37

No your husband is not right, your dad did you a very nice favour however you can ask your dad to help you out again and see if he will be willing

LondonLady29 · 22/06/2015 20:37

Your husband is still being EA and manipulative. It's not normal behaviour to expect your dad to foot a bill for a car he got you. If you can't afford the battery you'll have to save up for one yourself and being without a car you'll be in the same position you were before your dad helped you, not worse off. Come on it's not a difficult question really.

LordEmsworth · 22/06/2015 20:38

Why do you care what your husband feels, however strongly? I don't mean that to sound aggressive but I don't see how it's anything to do with him who pays for it.

(I do agree that it's not your dad's responsibility to pay for a new battery, by the way, but the fact you are listening to someone who has proven he does not have your best interests at heart, is worrying...)

UglyBugaz · 22/06/2015 20:38

Just read your reply, your husband is obviously trying to turn you against your dad because he is bitter. Don't let him manipulate you.

Original poster

Thebestusernamesaretaken · 22/06/2015 21:39

Thanks. Sorry if it came across as a silly question, I'm just questioning everything i think at the moment, my husband is adamant he was never abusive and only behaved as he did because of my attitude, leaves me feeling at the moment that maybe I do look at things in an odd way.

OP posts:

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 22/06/2015 21:42

I guarantee you - just based on your 3 posts - that your husband is not only abusive, he is gaslighting you. I have seen it faaaaaaaar too many times on here. Stay away from the ex, have a proper chat with your father, and try to sort the car battery yourself if you can.

Momagain1 · 22/06/2015 22:18

the only person whose opinion matters about your dad paying for a new battery is your dad, and it is OK to ask him. Under normal circumstances, an adult child shouldnt expect their parent to support them, but your current circumstances are unstable and abnormal. What he might or might not want to do about your car is between you and him. If his intention was to help you maintain your independence from DH, the cost of a battery might be well worth it.

My parents provided various forms of emergency support when I was living through this.

Original poster

Thebestusernamesaretaken · 22/06/2015 22:35

Thanks all. Managed to find the money this afternoon but it leaves me with about £2 till Friday. Just had husband on the phone again telling me again how it is my fathers responsibility as he is concerned how I am going to feed the children for the rest of the week.

OP posts:

Foffyouwanker · 22/06/2015 22:49

Seriously, your husband is an abusive idiot, or you would not have got into a refuge. Do yourself and your children a favour and cut off all contact with him immediately.

pressone · 22/06/2015 22:51

I often think people are over the top in the way they express their opinions on here, but in this case your husbands comments make me furious.

If your husband is concerned about how his children will be fed then he should step up and provide for them better.

CalleighDoodle · 22/06/2015 22:53

Make more space between you and your ex. If he wants to talk about anything that isnt necesaary (children) dont engage. He is teying to contril you by putting you at odds with everyone who might help you so
You become vulnerable. It is your reaponsibility to look after your car.

Jux · 22/06/2015 22:54

Absolutely agree with momagain.

You would be better off not talking to your ex as you can bet he is trying to isolate you from help and support, and push you into a position where you go back to him. He is a dangerous person for you to have anything to do with.

Do you have a solicitor? You will need one.

Snowflake15 · 22/06/2015 22:56

If your husband is so concerned about how you're going to feed the children why doesn't he give you some money for food or buy some?

Original poster

Thebestusernamesaretaken · 22/06/2015 23:01

HE's not offerered as he feeds the children at the weekend when he sees them, I know if I asked he'd tell me it was my fault for deciding to leave and up to my father to maintain the car.

OP posts:

DoreenLethal · 22/06/2015 23:09

Is he paying maintenance?

Shenanagins · 22/06/2015 23:15

Did you leave anything on to wear out the battery as if so all you would have needed was someone to give you a jump start. I realise that you have now replaced the battery but if you had left something on (in my old run around it could be for example an indicator) the same thing will happen again.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 22/06/2015 23:21

Your xh is trying to exert control over you by doing this. If someone bought your child a toy and it needed replacement batteries three months later would you ask them? No.
He's messing with your head.
Pop over to the credit crunch topic for ideas about surviving on bugger all.

bangalanga · 22/06/2015 23:30

YANBU to pay for it yourself rather than your dad paying for it.

The mere implication is insulting, like you're not an adult who can pay for things yourself.

Fatmomma99 · 22/06/2015 23:32

Children need to eat more regularly than once a weekend!

Canyouforgiveher · 22/06/2015 23:39

but he also blamed my dad for me leaving and has pretty much said if I didn't have a car I'd have gone back to him, this may be colouring his opinion.

I just bet he blamed your dad for giving you the means to be independent. That must have really pissed him off. I like your Dad.

Your husband is an awful twat. well done on leaving him. I suggest you tell him nothing about your life from now on - if the car sprouts wings, don't bother telling him. Keep contact about the children only. If they tell him something about your lives and he asks/comments just say "oh that is all sorted now". Or better still "none of your business"

PuntasticUsername · 22/06/2015 23:42

Bloody hell OP. Well done for getting away from this ridiculous twat

In future, try not to tell him stuff like this. I know it's difficult if eg you were late picking the kids up - he's entitled to expect an explanation. But now he knows this little fact, he's using it to the max as a stick to beat you with. Don't let him. This is why you left.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/06/2015 23:49

Your ex is an idiot. Don't take any notice of anything he says. Ever.

No, when a person gives a present, they are not responsible for repairs thereafter.

Flip