To think this is rude at a concert

[TheRobbingBastards]

We went to DS's Summer concert last night. This is a big event for the music department and the children who perform.

My judgey pants were pulled well up at the couple who arrived with two younger DS's (about 7is) in tow, plonked themselves in the front row then fished an iPad in a luminous green case out of a bag. The two boys then spent the whole concert playing a game that involved much waving of arms. All the time they were sat in front of the stage, in direct eyeline of the children performing

In fairness they had the sound down, both boys stayed in their seats all the way through the concert and apart from the occasional muffled gasp or cheer they were quiet. I also realise that expecting DC to behave themselves through an event like that is easier said than done, and don't necessarily judge the parents for using an iPad to keep them entertained. It's more the inconsideration of allowing them to distract the performers as well as the audience several rows behind them.

So AIBU and curmudgeonly or was this unnecessarily rude and thoughtless?

It isn't as simple as accepting a bit of discomfort. People's needs do clash at times. Someone who has hearing issues may not be able to hear if an audience member is making noises.

Ds is very intolerant of noise. He self harms because of some noise. Playgrounds after 10 am are out because they are too busy and noisy. One screamy child at soft play means he has to leave as does a crying baby in a cafe. We don't expect others to leave because he can't cope with their noise.

I take your point but the audience member who makes noises also cannot also be the one to lose out every time.

Anyway I hope you can see that i am talking about inclusion not wanting to have
no consideration.

I act the same as you do with my DD as in not going to things.

But I don't think we should be told not to by others or told to sit at the back.

X postend. .I was addressing morage

Wanting inclusion for everyone, not just those who fit in, doesn't make me a horrible or inconsiderate person as some have said.

Well Fanjo, you did say that " others can compromise by tolerating them a little".
Which sounds awfully like telling Toad she has to put up with something that she finds difficult to deal with because she is an adult with ASD
And please stop with being so aggressive. I never said that you or anyone else on this thread had raked Toad over the coals. The sentence was about her experience on another thread when she had been forced to leave because of a child making a noise and not only got a filthy look but then aggression on a thread started about it.

I am not even being 1% aggressive here. It's far more aggressive to keep attacking one poster and try to stir up bad feeling between me and Toad.

Yes if everyone is having to compromise for inclusion then Toad has to as well. She must have to compromise a lot in life with such noise issues, which is hard. Others have to compromise by not going to places. And those without issues should also compromise by tolerating some unusual behaviours a little more.

Everyone had to compromise.

People always talk about special "autism showings" in cinemas as if they are some dumping ground where people can go and make noise away from NT people

But they are actually quieter with less adverts so that people with autism are less overstimulated. This is a good thing.

I have to go and do other stuff. Maybe read what I am saying and think about it rather than just lambasting me as being aggressive and inconsiderate constantly.

I am not catholic, but have family who are. Catholic church services are surprisingly one of the most inclusive places I have been.

I have read what you have posted.
And like others I find your posts are very often aggressive.
There is little point in you telling Toad that she has to compromise when the very situation under discussion is one where she did compromise by leaving and still got a hard time. Perhaps instead of telling other people to read posts you should do just that yourself.

Oh stop stirring.

I completely advocate for the needs of adults with autism.

I said toad will be having to compromise in life due to her noise issues. I didn't say that she should have to or that that is right. I just know how it is.

Maybe you just don't understand what I am saying.

Ah who cares. I can't spend all day on MN arguing.

Morage that is great..maybe we should all learn from them :)

It is not stirring to point out your inconsistencies. You said "if everyone has to compromise for inclusion then Toad has to as well".
Now, that comes across as telling Toad she has to do something.
Maybe you phrased your point poorly.
But don't use that as an excuse to accuse me of stirring or be uase you don't like your inconsistencies being noticed. You are so quick to pick up others for using the wrong word or phrase on other threads.
And most of us have the time or inclination to spend all day on MN. You are not unique in that way.

But Fanjo, you don't appear to have read what others are saying, or thought about it, at all. Nobody has a right to be in the middle of the front row at a concert. Everyone has a right to be able to attend a concert. But attending!=being slap bang in the middle of the front row. Sitting off to the side is not as much of a compromise as not being able to perform at all. Adults attending a school concert should have some consideration and respect for the needs of the performers. I do not have a problem with my DC with SN issues that would be very distracting for NT performers let alone performers with San issues sitting at the side not slap bang in the middle of the front row. I can understand that a concert or performance isn't actually all about my child. That's not the same as saying he should be excluded and I don't feel he is excluded by not being slap bang in the middle of the front row. If not being slap bang in the middle of the front row was being excluded then practically everyone at any show ever is excluded and that is clearly not the case.

No it comes across as including Toad in "everyone"

It's called inclusion

Personal comments like "you always do this on threads" are crass and unfair.

I don't go around noting posters styles and beating them with it on other threads. You arguments should stand for themselves without making personal digs at me.

Don't bother with the attempt at patronising PA, Fanjo. I am in no need of lessons on inclusion from you. I've over 50 years experience there.
Especially when you have just stated "who cares. I can't spend all on MN arguing." Which is something you do on a lot of threads when posters voice another opinion, Only to post a few minutes later.
Guess you do have the time after all.

Can I just clarify something? It's not that I necessarily mind compromising...well I do because I don't want to have to...I want to be "normal" (whatever that fucking means!). But I guess I accept that I have to.

It's more other people's reactions to how I do that that bothers me iyswim. Like I said I've had to leave places where things were too noisy and it was all just too much. Sometimes (but not all the time) it might be a child making a noise which is the final straw for me (but of course there would have been various other things building up to that). Again, it doesn't happen all the time but it has happened enough times but there have been instances when parents have then given my dirty looks as I leave or make judgemental comments. If I'm with other people they notice it too so it's not just me being paranoid.

I guess my point is, is of course people who have SN or disabilities shouldn't be excluded from things. However I was kind of thinking of what happens when there are two people with SN and their needs clash? Who decides who deserves to be there and who should leave? Who decides which person's needs are more important?

I would never tell people to leave or tell them they're annoying me. I would just remove myself from that situation. So I guess it feels like it always is me who is excluded and I'm always the one doing the compromising.

Toads that's right.

That is the essence of my point.

It shouldn't always be the person with thedisability doing the compromising.

That is it in a nutshell

I don't really have time.

Am about to go.

Am definitely not spending more time engaging with your frankly personal beef with me soldier bear, so move on.

Please read more carefully. I never said that.
I said you are quick to pick others up.
you advised me to read your posts. Please do me the courtesy of taking your own advice rather than reading what you appear to want to read.

Also if I had to go to a concert I would sit at the back so I could quickly leave if I had to.

I have no beef with you, Fanjo. Why would i?
I do have the right to offer a different perspective from your own.

Because of course I am only person ever on MN who is discussing something and says must go then returns again a bit later. Or not.

I'm not doing you any courtesy. I will not speak one more word to you.