To think this is rude at a concert

[TheRobbingBastards]

We went to DS's Summer concert last night. This is a big event for the music department and the children who perform.

My judgey pants were pulled well up at the couple who arrived with two younger DS's (about 7is) in tow, plonked themselves in the front row then fished an iPad in a luminous green case out of a bag. The two boys then spent the whole concert playing a game that involved much waving of arms. All the time they were sat in front of the stage, in direct eyeline of the children performing

In fairness they had the sound down, both boys stayed in their seats all the way through the concert and apart from the occasional muffled gasp or cheer they were quiet. I also realise that expecting DC to behave themselves through an event like that is easier said than done, and don't necessarily judge the parents for using an iPad to keep them entertained. It's more the inconsideration of allowing them to distract the performers as well as the audience several rows behind them.

So AIBU and curmudgeonly or was this unnecessarily rude and thoughtless?

sorry, not sure what I did with the bolding there - didn't mean to emphasise the first point like that

Oh, I don't know Toads. It's a difficult one. I must admit I would be put out at someone's hands being over their ears.

Mind you I tend to think it's a school play, not the royal opera house, so I can't get too worked up about it.

elderflower I understand that but often I don't even realise I'm doing it which is embarrassing .

Well, it's not something you can help them so I wouldn't worry about it honestly

I don't know if you might be comfortable wearing a t shirt with a message saying you have autism? I can understand why you might not though.

FWIW I think many NT adults and children behave worse than those with additional need(s) on a daily basis!

I am also interested in seeing what posts are deleted. I think MNHQ have a very different opinion to me sometimes as to what is disabilist.

I reported a post a while ago where the poster said that autism was just a silly excuse for being a certain way but the post was left to stand as it "didn't break any guidelines". Wtf .

Do you know what, I can't be arsed anymore really.

I bring up my ds with disabilities in threads, in the same way that I bring up my dds without, because they are part of my life, and part of the world around us.

I bring up sn in general on threads, because due to my own experience, and having learnt from other posters on these boards, before having ds, people with disabilities and special needs are part of our world, and everyday life. The world impacts on my ds as much as he impacts on the world, sometimes positively, sometimes negatively.

If my ds screams and shouts in a shop, I will do my utmost to help him, and my children and be aware of the people around me. If someone makes a comment, or rolls their eyes at me then that is their problem,and they need to learn some acceptance.

My ds is very sensitive to noise, he wears ear defenders a lot of the time, and if someone makes a loud noise near him, and he gets upset then i will explain why he is upset, if there isn't time, we just go.

I am going to slope of to the camping boards, and talk about air beds, because frankly talking about disability and realising what a huge way there is to go in people's understanding, is just too depressing really.

Also I think it's hypocritical. MN always goes on about fighting for the rights of children with SN/disabilities which is great but time and time again posters have asked for a separate board for posters with SN. Time and time again MN have said they'll look into it but has it ever changed? Nope.

I also never said I roll my eyes at anyone or make comments FFS. I just leave.

ToadsJustFell - Yes people are way less tolerant of adults with disabilities than children. I limit where I go as I know my disability will at times distract others and limit their enjoyment. So I would go to a film with lots of noisy scenes, but not a quiet film with mainly talking.
If you have a teenage DC who has SN, then they need to know coping strategies and ways to compromise. Because whatever your views, they will have a different experience as an adult.

To me everyones right to be somewhere comes first. If people don't like being around that person due to noise, flapping etc then those people can leave. We have had to leave many places because of crying babies and loud children because ds can't tolerate the noise.
If some children with sn cannot sit at the front then it should be that no children can sit at the front.

Zazzie, if someone is very tall, do you think they WBU to sit at the front?

I'm quite small so most adults sitting in front of me could block my view. Would I expect them to move? No.

morage - I do sometimes question (internally!) the choice of someone very tall to sit at the front of something without raked seating. I accept their right to do so but, as someone 5ft tall, I find it a little inconsiderate. It wouldn't take much forethought to just sit further back where you can see over everybody's heads anyway.

I agree manic. And especially somewhere with lots of children. That is what I mean. For public space to be okay to be in, everyone has to balance their needs with the needs of others.
So I am not tall, but I would never sit in front of small children in the cinema if there is somewhere else suitable to sit.

So kids who can't help making noise can never go to certain places, by that token? Or sit at front?

That's only compromising one way.

Others can compromise by tolerating them a little too.

Fanjo - I am sure if I went to a poetry reading, I would get thrown out.

Morage but that's so wrong. You should be allowed to go to one. I care about that.

But it would disrupt it for everyone. It is about reasonable adjustments.

But what about adults with SN who cannot tolerate that noise, like Toad? It sounds like she has to compromise by leaving AND getting raked over the coals for it. Why are her needs as an adult with ASD less valued?
Surely there should be a campaign of tolerance for all?

If you are an adult with more than a mild disability, as I am, the reality is you can't go to everything. My friend who is nearly totally deaf can't go to many things. My friends sister who uses a wheelchair can't go to everything.
Yes ideally everything should be inclusive, although I am not convinced that is always possible, but we are a massive way from that.

Trying to say I don't value Toads needs because I want inclusion is ridiculous and nonsensical. Won't even answer that one.

Yes we are a massive way from that, which is a real shame.

By always wanting what's best for the majority people who can't act in a certain way will always lose out.

The majority must accept a bit of discomfort if inclusion is to happen.

Saying that does not make me not care about the needs of others or a nasty selfish person.

And no one is raking Toad over the coals here.