To advise caution to a friend??

8 replies

TooMuchJD · 12/06/2015 11:05

My friend has met a new man after being single for a long while, they are well suited and have met up a few times now.
She would like to sell up and move to another city to be near him, leaving her job and friends behind.
I appreciate why she wants to go but have advised caution as they have only just met and don't really know each other.
Advice appreciated ladies.......

OP posts:

Nettletheelf · 12/06/2015 11:08

Christ! You need to step in. Is anybody else telling her to "follow her heart", by any chance?

I'd be saying, what's the rush? Is she worried that if she doesn't move to live near him, he'll go off her, or something? Which should tell her something about the relationship.

KurriKurri · 12/06/2015 11:10

I would advise caution too, but I suspect she won't listen sadly. (I'd say though that if he is 'the one' he will still be the one in a years time and if he's a decent man he will be happy to wait a year at least for her to move, or alternatively sell up and move himself>

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 12/06/2015 11:15

You do not need to step in. She's an adult woman and can do whatever she wants, no matter what anyone else thinks of her choices.
If she asks for your opinion, give it to her. Otherwise, what has it got to do with you?

Cornettoninja · 12/06/2015 11:22

If things didn't work out what's the worst that will happen? Does she have dc or a particular career that will be limited by moving area?

It's one of those things that stands a 50/50 chance of succeeding and if she wants to take a leap of faith I completely understand the appeal. Lots of people have a moment in their life where they throw caution to the wind and never regret it for a moment.

I would definitely be talking about keeping her finances secure (especially regarding property - perhaps she'd be better renting out her own place than selling up straight away) and making sure she knew that she had a place to come to if things went wrong, but other than that I would try and share her happiness and excitement. It is exciting!

Unless there's more to it or you have valid concerns about the man she's met I have to say keep your pessimism to yourself.

There's nothing worse than someone pissing on your parade and nothing more likely to discourage confiding if it all goes wrong and she doesn't feel like being told 'I told you so'.

Original poster

TooMuchJD · 12/06/2015 12:48

Thanks ladies, she has asked my opinion and I have been very sit on the fence about it. No DC involved (one pampered cat though).
Have never met the man, they met in a hospital dept. where she was with her elderly mother, he was the on call, they got chatting and he asked her out, nothing serious but they do seem to have similar outlooks and ideas.

Just worry about her that's all. What her to be happy not hurt :)

OP posts:

viva100 · 12/06/2015 13:56

Don't say anything, she won't listen and you'll be the bad guy...I was in a similar situation to yours about 5 years ago. A close friend of mine decided to leave a very promising career to move very far away, to the middle of nowhere in the US and marry a guy she was in a long distance relationship with, a guy who had no ambitions and smoked weed every day. They had never spent more than 3 days at a time together. I asked her at one point whether she's sure, she's giving up so much, moving a continent away from her elderly mother who she was very close to etc etc. I told her I thought it was a bad idea. She didn't say anything that evening but she hasn't spoken to me since. She moved and got married and kept in touch with everyone in our group, except for me. She seems happy there. I don't know. I really wish I had kept my mouth shut.

frostyfingers · 12/06/2015 16:09

Something along the lines of "I'm not sure that if I were in your position I would be making such a move just yet, perhaps in a few more months" and leave it at that. If she has asked your opinion and you give it that's fine but you can't do anymore. I have a friend who is in a relationship with someone unsuitable, asks my advice and opinion all the time and I give it but since it's not what she wants to hear ignores it. It's very frustrating but you can't do more really.

maggiethemagpie · 12/06/2015 21:02

Well my partner did this for me after being together only a few months. It worked - we are still together five years later! Although he didn't sell up straight away he rented out his flat to 'hedge his bets'.

It can be difficult doing a relationship long distance without an end in sight.
Can she rent rather than sell up? Is it easy for her to find another job?

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