BF outsourced babysitting my DD to MIL

[overseasexpat]

I live away from family and my best mate (She also has a DD 3) very kindly offered to babysit my DD 3 to give my DH and me a break. ( We have had one day away in 3 years. MY BF has weekly nights / weekends off as all her and her hubbies family around) when I arrived BF was super excited as her MIL had called up wanting to spend the day with her GD and on being told that my DD was there offered to take them both. So my BF said yes! This wasn't discussed with me and I had only met the MIL once in passing. I just let it go as my DD was so excited to hang out with her buddy. AIBU to think my mates bloody cheeky! She self admittedly would rather chew her own head off then look after her own kids and it obviously hadn't even occurred to her that I may have a problem with it but still...?

I wouldn't like it at all.

I would be absolutely fine with this, depending on the MIL answering a few questions e.g. what activities are planned, sleeping arrangements, emergency contacts etc.

If your best mate seems well raised and trusts her mum and the mum has been kind enough to offer, then it sounds ideal to me as your DD will have a fun playmate and a doting grandmother to look after her. Who knows, this may become your substitute extended family in the long run!

Equally, if you aren't happy then I think you should cancel the whole trip away. It's not an urgent trip, so I would cancel.

I wouldn't be happy with this if I didn't know the MIL, she should have checked with you first.

Can I just check as well, why would you allow your BF to look after your DD if she clearly dislikes being with children?

I'd much rather have my DD with me, or someone who has willingly offered to have my child - like the MIL. I think if she admitted that she'd rather chew her own head off then I'm surprised you're happy with this arrangement at all.
I know it's unfair being far from family (I'm in same situation) though, so that you never get time away. Unfortunately, that's the lot of an ex-pat.

If you aren't happy with this, that's fine. But really you shouldn't have gone.

I am also confused why you would let someone who doesn't like looking after her own kids, look after your own. From what you said about her, this kind of seemed inevitable, really.

Also don't get why you are comparing how many nights away you have had to how many see has had.

I'm more concerned as to why you would let someone who 'would rather chew her own head off than look after her kids' look after your child?

You allowed a stranger to look after your 3 year old for the day....

It's not just the life of an ex-pat- many of us in the UK have no family to look after kids.
Marriages survive.

It sounds as if she was much better off being with MIL.

I would not have let my dc go off with a virtual stranger no matter who they were or how much I needed a break. Friend was bu to arrange it but u had the option to decline so yabu too.

Is it just for a few hours that they're going to be with MIL, or overnight, or what? I'm a bit confused.

And do you know your friend's DH (son of said MIL) well?

I can't believe you left your child with a woman who would do anything rather than look after her own children.

You know nothing about this woman- she may own several large rottweilers, she may chain smoke, she may live with someone with offences or a drug problem

Why would you entrust a complete stranger to look after your child, just for the sake of a night out..

No way would I be happy with this! I'm shocked that some poster are?! How many degrees of separation does it take to not be OK fourchett? This woman was as total stranger to the child. Being taken away by strange people for whole days is not something I'd want my kids to be used to!!

I was never particularly pfb, but this would quite simply NOT have been OK at all.

I wouldn't have gone. You just do NOT leave your child with a stranger you have barely even met. If I still had to go then I would have taken my child with me and "friend" would have been left in no doubt as to my feelings on the matter.

Hi Twerking,

I have been perfectly happy to leave my DCs with friends parents in the past. But they are trusted friends, level headed people, and I trust their judgement to know that the person they are leaving their own children with are 'worthy' of looking after my children too. The OP said she had met the grandparent (yes, in passing, but it's enough to get a bit of a judgement over them).

I have other friends who I would not be happy with leaving the kids with a second party.

Your fault for leaving your kid with someone who would "rather chew her own head off than look after her own kids" . It's not an unlikely scenario, you could have guessed what would happen. They were probably better off with the MIL anyway.