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AIBU?

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Original poster

17 year old and alcohol

21 replies

fi010471 · 05/06/2015 22:05

my oldest son is 17. For the last year or so we have allowed him to drink some alcohol at parties or dinners etc. He is generally quite sensible. Last week to celebrate end of exams he had few friends over and had a BBQ and I bought food, cider etc for them all. I purchased a crate of 48 cans of cider for them - to not drink in one night! They were sensible and didn't drink it all. Today he has friends over again and had another BBQ and they finished off the cider. None of the friends brought anything so again I provided food, charcoal, drinks!
I have now had him asking if they can have some of our wine or spirits and seems surprised when I have said no!! He is a typical teenager who can have a strop about anything! I'm not being unreasonable about this am I?
I think he needs to get an idea about cost, budgeting your alcohol (!) let alone the effects of drinking on your health........but apparently I am jus uptight and need to chill a bit! Aargh.....

OP posts:
elementofsurprise · 05/06/2015 22:27

Yes, he does need to learn about budgeting, of course you're not BU!

Alcohol (and other things) are not necessities, or even particulalry the sort of thing a parent should provide - not beyond the polite offer of a glass or whatever in the same way as you would with a friend. I mean, you wouldn't by him a presentation box of choccies whenever he asked, would you? (Though obvs end of exams makes sense.)

Does he have a part time job, or an allowance/pocket money he could learn to budget with? A set amount for 'nice extras'?

nephilim7 · 05/06/2015 22:30

I wouldn't buy alcohol for a 17 year old.

FlabulousChix · 05/06/2015 22:30

I did not encourage any drinking at all for my sons. When they were 18 it was up to them. They both went to uni and that's when they had their first drink. Kids grow up to quick it's up to us as parents to delay the inevitable and keep them kids for as long as we can.

MmeLindor · 05/06/2015 22:33

YANBU. When we were that age, everyone brought something to contribute to the BBQ. Easiest, is that everyone brings what they intend to consume.

Say you'll provide crisps and soft drinks, everything else they have to provide. Are any of them working?

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/06/2015 22:33

YANBU.

As an aside, when I went to uni in 2007, you could spot the kids who had never been allowed to drink before a mile off. They were shit faced before it was even dark and got into much worse states overall than those whose parents had allowed it in a safe enviroment.

Aermingers · 05/06/2015 22:34

I think for teenagers they've been pretty restrained. They didn't finish it the first time. They did this time, chanced their arms asking for more and you've said no.

Tell him it was a treat, not a regular event. It does sound like they are being sensible but have just been a bit cheeky.

charlie0123 · 05/06/2015 22:38

Most 17 year olds drink alcohol. Yanbu. He needs to understand that things cost money - alcohol will not magically appear every week. It is not your job to supply him and his friends with alcohol.

SorchaN · 05/06/2015 22:49

I think the usual arrangement is that the visiting teens will bring a small amount of alcohol to the party (just like adults really).

I don't mind my under-18s drinking wine, but I'd draw the line at spirits. But it's probably a cultural thing.

fi020471 · 05/06/2015 22:52

I think it would be unrealistic to say he cannot have a drink at all. What is really annoying was he pulled that everyone's parents are a lot more lenient then you trick! At his age! I thought we had grown out of that one! My response was if they are all so nice and lenient why is everyone always at our house!!!

mileend2bermondsey · 05/06/2015 23:47

I wouldn't buy alcohol for a 17 year old

So 17 years and 364 days - alchol absolutely out of the question.
18 years and 1 day - a ok to go out and get hammered.

UK's drinking culture is warped.

snowglobemouse · 06/06/2015 00:06

yanbu

OrangeVase · 06/06/2015 00:15

YANBU - but it sounds as if you are teaching him well. alcohol in moderation. Alcohol with food. Alcohol now and then. No acohol when you can't afford it. All good lessons.

I let my 17 yr old drink - and have since she was 16. Wine with food. Wine occasionally in the evening if I am having a glass. Beers for her friends -occasionally. I hope that it means she is sensible about it later - but who knows.

BackforGood · 06/06/2015 00:22

I'm happy for mine to have some alcohol at a party or BBQ, etc., but I would expect friends to bring stuff with them (and my dc to take it when they went to other people's parties) - just as I would as an adult, tbh.

Possibly you led them all into a bit of a sense of entitlement by providing it all at the first one?

The5DayChicken · 06/06/2015 00:37

YANBU. But it's not about the alcohol really. It's about him expecting you to cater for him and his friends at the drop of a hat and at your own expense.

ravenAK · 06/06/2015 00:37

Nope. I'd say 'Nice try, & I'll get you some more cans next time, but you'll need to do some chores to earn them...or get your mates to bring their own, the freeloading gits!'

I'm all for 17yos drinking sensibly at home (yy to the Uni first time drinkers getting into an unholy mess), BUT one cautionary note - if anyone underage gets hammered 'on your watch' ie. you've provided booze & there is no other booze they've brought themselves - you could be getting into an awkward situation.

Buying 48 pack of cans could enable one of ds's dafter mates to drink enough to be ill or unsafe on the way home, & you could be blamed. Supplementing with wine/spirits makes this far more likely, so I definitely wouldn't go there....

I'd certainly be planting the idea with ds that his friends should be bringing alcohol (with their parents' knowledge) if they expect to drink it at your house.

BeCool · 06/06/2015 10:40

Keep providing food and booze and you'll have them round every weekend.

It is enough to provide the space, BBQ and snacks. I agree they should all be bringing something to contribute at this age.

I wouldn't be too happy to think you were supplying my 17yo dd with alcohol on a regular basis (one off celebration fine).

DixieNormas · 06/06/2015 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MagentaVitus · 06/06/2015 11:42

I can't see a problem with 17 year olds drinking. I can however see a problem with friends that don't observe the BOYB rule!

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 06/06/2015 11:44

Are their parents ok with you giving them alcohol?

In general I think it's fine - I was drinking sensibly at that age, no big deal. But as pp said this is dodgy territory and you need to be careful.

They should be contributing to food, absolutely.

MagentaVitus · 06/06/2015 11:44

As an aside, when I went to uni in 2007, you could spot the kids who had never been allowed to drink before a mile off. They were shit faced before it was even dark and got into much worse states overall than those whose parents had allowed it in a safe environment.

100000000% this.

Teaching teenagers how to drink is very, very important.

Fatmomma99 · 06/06/2015 11:45

what Raven said.

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