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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Disliking someone who's never actually done anything to you?

24 replies

HangingBasketCase · 05/06/2015 13:10

As a rule I always take people at face value and have always said that unless someone does anything to me then I dont hold anything agains them, speak as you find and all that. However I play a particular sport (won't say what) and one girl on the team really grinds me gears and annoys me without having done anything to me of you see what I mean?

Shes only 19 so I suppose I should say she's a kid and leave her to it, but the lists of things she does that winds me up is endless. She's got an epic attitude problem and can be quite rude to other people but I think she thinks she's being funny/too cool for school when doing so. She's an epic attention seeker and loves to make sure that all eyes are on her, she's loud and acts like the big "I am" without anything to back it up. She also sulks like a toddler when not able to get her own way. We have a Facebook group and because she doesn't drive she often posts messages demanding lifts to and from training/social events, often at the last minute. Never says please or thank you and never offers petrol money, if no one responds a sulk ensues. She also never pays her subs on time, and has been quite rude to the team treasurer when pulled up on this.

So there are reasons she grinds my gears but none of this has ever been directed at me. I'm over ten years older than her and I should just let it go, but she annoys the fuck out of me! She has a boyfriend who's sole purpose seesms to be to run around after her, and he bloody does it as well. The prat!

AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:

GirlInterupted · 05/06/2015 13:16

You said she is rude and not very nice to others. That's enough reason to not like somebody imo. Yanbu

FeckityFeck · 05/06/2015 13:17

YWNBU to dislike someone for whatever reason. You don't have to like everyone you know.

However, if what she does doesn't actually affect you in any way it's probably best if you try not to let it bother you so much. If it's causing problems in the team then that's one thing, but everyone else shrugs off her behaviour then you should too. Just roll your eyes or laugh, but don't get wound up by her, it's no good for you.

FeckityFeck · 05/06/2015 13:18

That should be if everyone else shrugs off her behaviour...

Tryharder · 05/06/2015 13:19

YANBU.

I find a lot of young women - mainly daughters of my friends - to be very entitled and almost unpleasant - I think it stems from this whole Princess/Centre of the Universe thing that they grow up with.

YWBU of course to show your dislike.

I quite envy them TBH - I was pathetically shy and non-descript at that age and would've benefitted from being a bit bolshier.

ItsTricky · 05/06/2015 13:19

YANBU and you're probably not the only one annoyed by her. Sounds like a spoiled brat.

TTWK · 05/06/2015 13:21

I don't like Robert Mugabe yet he's done me no harm at all.

Theycallmemellowjello · 05/06/2015 13:53

No, of course you can like and not like whoever you like. I do find those who can’t/won’t make the effort to see the best in people can be a bit lacking in empathy though.

Original poster

HangingBasketCase · 05/06/2015 14:51

There are other girls of a similar age on the team and they aren't like her at all, far from it.

As for her grating on other people, I believe there were issues last year with some other people who've since left being accused of bullying her. Now I despise bullying and would never condone it, but I wonder if she's misinterprated these people showing their frustration with her as bullying? I haven't done that and just generally smile politely at her and don't engage much, I know that you can't like/get along with everyone you meet.

OP posts:

timelyreminder · 05/06/2015 15:00

She may well look back in 10 years and cringe! Just enjoy the sport and stop thinking about her.

NickiFury · 05/06/2015 15:23

I hate my friends DH. He's never done a thing to me but he's a whiny, critical arsehole who has been made redundant with a few months off before starting his new job. With too much time on his hands he has decided to get involved with and revamp all her fully functioning domestic arrangements all the while endlessly criticising. She has three kids and seems somehow to have managed up till now while he worked away for much of the time with loads of jaunts thrown in. Really makes me grind my teeth.

ImprobableBee · 05/06/2015 15:24

Reading this, I thought my brain had somehow posted to MN, bypassing me entirely.

IME just a little glare at her whenever she says something outrageous seems to do the trick for a few minutes until she remembers that she is the centre of the universe again.

Agreed that other teammates will see her for what she clearly is too, and as difficult as it may be, ignoring the child is probably best. She may even move on to another team more willing to pay her the attention upon which she feeds.

YANBU for disliking somebody so fundamentally dislikeable.

Original poster

HangingBasketCase · 05/06/2015 15:32

To be honest I doubt another team would tolerate her behaviour, and I also believe the only reason she's become so unbearable in recent months is because the other people who she accuses of "bullying" her have left. She was always a little obnoxious before, but now those who used to call her up on it have gone she's gone into overdrive.

OP posts:

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 05/06/2015 15:33

I dislike anyone whose behaviour repeatedly shows them to be an arsehole, whether they're behaving badly towards me or someone else.

Is yours a common approach OP? Only it strikes me that if most people are happy to overlook the unpleasant behaviour of others towards others (iyswim), it explains why there are so many popular arseholes about.

HappenstanceMarmite · 05/06/2015 15:33

No YANBU for disliking her. But YABU for your erroneous use of the word "epic"

ImprobableBee · 05/06/2015 15:34

Also, trying to take people at face value is fine, as long as those people are also taking responsibility for choosing that value for their face.

Original poster

HangingBasketCase · 05/06/2015 15:39

I don't think she's especially popular as such Shotgun. More a case of everyone else on the team being a decent person who doesn't want to be seen as being nasty or be accused of picking on someone. She's also very adept at sucking up to those in charge, lots of fake over the top hugs and gushings of loveliness whenever she sees them.

OP posts:

howabout · 05/06/2015 15:43

YANBU and although you say she is not directly affecting you I actually think she is. She is affecting the dynamic of the whole team and a number of people you probably got along with have left in protest. It is sad when this happens in team sports but seems pretty common if girls like this are allowed to dictate terms. I will never make it as a dance school Mum!

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 05/06/2015 16:07

Oh, I didn't mean she was necessarily popular, Hanging - it's just I sometimes wonder why people remain friendly with those who don't always come up to my high standards! Threads on here also spring to mind.

silverglitterpisser · 05/06/2015 19:36

Following with interest. There is someone in my circle who has never said or did anything unpleasant to me or anyone I know yet I absolutely hate them.

I tell my dcs if they ever use the word hate as it is very strong n uncalled for but I truly do hate this person for no reason at all n do all I can to avoid them. It's just a reaction ....

I spend hours analysing myself over it but it makes no sense. I'm so going to hell aren't I

The80sweregreat · 06/06/2015 10:16

I know if someone doesn't like me instantly. I had a job a long time ago now. I started and this woman seemed to just take against me from the start. She had form for upsetting her colleagues in the past, although others really got along with her. I heard a rumour ( only been there a few weeks) that I was next in line for her to be hostile to and she was! I felt uncomfortable around her, ended up blabbing ( as I do when anxious) and generally felt she was looking down on me all the time. Hard work. she is still working there and Im not..

SurlyCue · 06/06/2015 10:22

There is a woman who has a child at my DC's school. I have never met her, i dont know her name, it is a large school and DC share no classes. I have overheard her talking maybe twice and screeching up the street after her child a few times. She has done nothing to me, i dont think she has ever even made eye contact. But i cant stand her. When i see her i inwardly think "ugh, her!" It makes no sense and ive asked myself several times what it is about her that annoys me but i cant pinpoint it. Just seeing her pisses me off. It isnt rational.

Dowser · 06/06/2015 10:29

How many of us dislike celebs that we don't know personally.

I can name quite a few but the one image I can't shake from my mind is Gemma Collins on I'm a celebrity get me out of here.

I've never watched Towie but I don't think I'll ever forget her ruining my favourite show.

Balaboosta · 07/06/2015 00:57

Well, your repeated use of the over-egged phrases, "epic" and "grinds my gears" gets right up my nose but I'm not starting a thread about it. In any group activity, there will be people that irritate you. To whom I say: this is for you to deal with, not a bunch of strangers to validate. Compassion!

mmgirish · 07/06/2015 08:36

There is a parent whose son swims at the same time as mine at swimming lessons. She speaks at the top of her voice, calls everyone dahhhling and seems to have an opinion on most things. I've never even spoken to her but she drives me mad!

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