To think there is sometimes favouritism at schools.

[Songlark]

I went last night to a music night at my 10 year old DGD school. It was an enjoyable night, lots of songs from the choir(which DGD is in) lots of children doing solo instrumentals, also lots of solo songsters. Some of them were brilliant, very talented. However there were quite a few with quite awful voices who did numerous solos throughout the night. They were out of tune and very flat. They tried their best and it's not their fault but AIBU to think it would have been nicer if more kids got a chance at solos, I have often thought throughout the years when my own kids were at school that there does seem to be certain children that get the chance to shine far more than some of the others.

Totally agree with you, though some children may turn down the offer to perform of course.

I think you'll find that lots of children don't like performing under such pressure and thus decline an invitation to participate.

What makes you feel it's favouritism?

I don't know really. I think sometimes there is a degree of favouritism, like if one the parent is a governor or something. Other times, it is simply meritocracy, a few children are genuinely good at a range of things like music, sports as well as academically.

I've definitely seen favouritism at my child's school. It is one particular family whose parents are very quick to complain about anything and everything and it seems that for the sake of a quiet life the school let them do everything - all the readings, all the solos, all the presenting a cheque to charity stuff. Even to the extent that when there were auditions held for a particular event and the children were chosen and had started rehearsals, about a fortnight later this child (who had not been selected from the auditions) was allowed to join in and a space was made for them.

Maybe these are the children who turn up enthusiastically to all the singing/choir clubs at lunch time/after school. The teachers let them sing because they are triers and want to do it even if they aren't fantastic at.

That's pushy parents though. I thought favouritism is more a teacher's pet thing?

Yes, good point, maybe that's not favouritism as such.

I agree with Patti

Not all kids want to perform on stage, let alone perform solo.

Perhaps they were flat/out of tune due to nerves?

Unless you know for a fact that other children were turned down, I don't see how you can know there is favouritism.

Unless you know how the performers ended up performing, you can't know if anyone was BU.

For example, all those who wanted to perform solo might have had a turn (for not every pupil will want to sing alone in front of an audience), or the flat singers might have been just fine in rehearsal, but daunted on the night.

Two of my DGD friends who do have lovely voices would have loved to sing solo but weren't chosen. They could easily have been given a slot but didn't get a chance. Maybe it's not favouritism, I don't know, either that or what a couple of posters have said, that it's more about teachers succumbing to pushy parents.

So do you know whether the parents are known as being pushy or Tiger Mums?

I have two dds.
Dd1 does not get chosen for main parts in school plays ; despite having a beautiful singing voice.
Dd2 gets chosen for everything ; despite having an average voice .
The difference is due to the fact that dd1 does not put herself forward for anything while dd2 puts herself forward for everything. Dd2 is just more confident.
The fact is that the more confident children get the 'best' parts, it rarely has anything to do with whether parents are members of the PTA or are Governors.

I take your point areyoubeingserved and perhaps that is the case. However I think the under confident ones could sometimes do with a gentle coaxing. Sometimes the quiet ones would love to be allowed to shine but their voices can often go unheard when they're up against stronger more vocal personalities.

You have contradicted yourself in your OP. You said there were lost of solos, some good, some not so good. That says to me that they haven't only given solos to the ones that are really good at it, but that they've shared the opportunity around.

Unless what you wanted was an evening of every child in the school taking a turn at doing a solo, I can't see the issue from just one concert. It sounds like you were just disappointed not to see the children that matter to you do solos, but there just isn't time in one concert to give solos to every child that might want one.

My DDs both play instruments, one finds it much harder than the other but she enjoys it and works really hard.

They both get to play at concerts etc, as do all the other children who play and want to take part. It is to celebrate their hard work and progress not show off who is the best.

Also, I am a governor and at neither of the schools I govern are my children given any preferential treatment whatsoever - nor would I ever want them to be!

I went to our school music concert this week too.

I would say that soloists are picked on the following terms:

1. Wanting to do it
2. Generally attending choir/orchestra
3. Having recently passed a music exam
4. At times because they haven't done anything at the last couple of concerts.
5. If they've had last minute drop outs someone who will do it without a fuss.

If you pick one concert you might well think one child was given a lot at that particular one. However it may be that they've just done 2 different music exams and hadn't had a solo for the last few despite attending every practice session. The solos with the choirs are picked totally separately to the ones which are instrument solos, so you do get some overlap which no one notices until it happens.

The problem with "gentle coaxing " is that it isn't always what the child needs. I have quite a reasonable voice and I love to sing, but I totally totally hate solos. I dry up. Completely and utterly, you can't hear me at all. However as a child I would have hated for a teacher to try and coax me because I would have felt that I had to do it as I was very much wanting to do as I was told, and I wouldn't have seen it as "please try" I would have seen it as pressure to do it, and letting the teacher down.

I think it's great that the not so good singers got the chance to have a go. In my DC school it's always the same few chosen, who are really good singers and very confident. They all go to local drama school so they should be.
It's got to the point where other pupils don't want to bother auditioning because it's obvious who will get the parts. Yes it's good to have a show with perfect singing but I think it's also nice to encourage everyone to have a go.

There is ALWAYS favouritism in schools. Without thinking too hard, you can guess who will play Mary and Joseph in the next nativity probably the kids who played the same parts last year YANBU

Of course, other than the ones who are clearly brilliant musically, they might have chosen/encouraged the ones who didn't get a part in the play, who haven't won any academic awards or other prizes, or who won't win anything at sports day.

Or have chosen those they know are having a bit of a tough time and need a boost. Or who were prepared to turn up for lunchtime rehearsals.

My dd is in everything. She isn't the most confident usually, but is entirely different on stage. So she does all the choir/ acting/ dancing after school clubs and goes up for every part in anything they are putting on.

At a recent event dd was meant to have 6 lines of a song a concert. The tow other girls she were sharing with were great singers. However one couldn't get through the song without crying as she was afraid to do it in front of people and the other got d&v the day of the concert. So dd sang it on her own as well as stepping in for these girls in lots of places, during the concert.

She was the only one who went to all the rehearsals and learned most of the parts. If you look at the one concert, it may look like dd was being favored, but it was circumstances. She puts a lot of effort in and i would be a bit pissy if someone implied she only got parts because she was a teachers pet.