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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is just really odd?

19 replies

imwithspud · 21/05/2015 23:14

I deactivated my Facebook a week or so ago, no big deal just fancied a break from it.

Couple of days later I had an irritated sounding MIL ringing me at 10pm demanding that I put her back on my Facebook as she could no longer find me, she'd even rung her sister and niece and god knows who else to see if they could find me on theirs. In-laws seem to think I should have rung them to let them know I had deactivated my account? Hmm AIBU in thinking it's odd for them to expect me to ring them over something so trivial? My own family aren't in the slightest bit bothered lol. It honestly never occurred to me that I would have to ring round my entire phonebook to let people know I was taking a FB break. It's hardly the end of the world that I'm not on Facebook Confused

OP posts:
pictish · 21/05/2015 23:16

Yanbu but she's obviously thinks it means something. You reassured her and sent her on her way I'm sure.

Original poster
imwithspud · 21/05/2015 23:21

Yes I did, as did my oh. I guess I wouldn't have minded so much if I didn't have actual real life things to worry about at the moment (which she is fully aware of) yet all she seems concerned about is bloody Facebook! It's not like she's a 'Facebook Addict' or anything either, she probably uses it a couple of times a week if that.

OP posts:
pictish · 21/05/2015 23:26

Not to worry.

youareallbonkers · 21/05/2015 23:33

Why deactivate it if you just fancy a break? Why not just don't sign on? Do you throw your tv away if you don't want to watch it? When you disappear people think you have blocked them, that's why she was upset

Original poster
imwithspud · 22/05/2015 00:06

Fair point, although throwing a TV away is a bit different to temporarily closing down a Facebook account Grin. Deactivating helps remove the 'temptation' I guess, there have been times in the past where I've been like "right, I'm not logging in for x amount of time" and I can never seem stick to it as it's readily available a the click of a button. It's difficult to explain. Most people I know who have taken a break from FB have deactivated their accounts and found it helpful so I thought it would help me too, and it has. I'm not even sure if she knows it's possible to block people (she's not the most tech-savvy person). Either way, she could have just called me or oh (at a reasonable hour) before jumping to conclusions and we could have reassured her. I genuinely didn't see an issue with it, nor did I think anyone would notice much less take it personally.

OP posts:
Atenco · 22/05/2015 05:42

Friends of mine who have deactivated have usually announced their intention on facebook, otherwise people probably think that you have blocked them.

TheAnalyst · 22/05/2015 05:45

YANBU - that's hypersensitive.

Stoneysilence · 22/05/2015 06:08

YANBU - your decision is not about them.

I often take a Facebook break by deleting the app from my phone. I waste so much time on it.

When it's not available on my phone it forces me to do other things, instead. Like waste too much time on here! Grin

19lottie82 · 22/05/2015 07:12

I deactivated my facebook a few years ago and it felt really liberating!

BertrandRussell · 22/05/2015 07:16

If I thought a member of my family had defriended me I'd be upset and worried and want to know why- that's normal, surely?

capsium · 22/05/2015 07:19

Just think from now on in there will be no more Facebook related etiquette dilemmas! Yay!

Fugghetaboutit · 22/05/2015 07:28

Weirdos.

honeysucklejasmine · 22/05/2015 07:31

You can download apps / browsers where you can "ban" a specific website or app for a defined timeframe, so you can't look at it.

AlmaMartyr · 22/05/2015 07:50

I think it was a bit much to ring you but when I've had a couple of close friends deactivate without warning I have worried whether they've blocked me because I've upset them, or if they're just OK. Not offended or weird, just a touch worried. I normally send an email or something just to check in.

I go through bouts of not using FB so can understand the temptation, it definitely gets too much sometimes.

BertrandRussell · 22/05/2015 07:56

Seriously- you wouldn't be even remotely bothered and want to find out more if you thought a member of your family had unfriended you?

Aussiemum78 · 22/05/2015 08:05

I just had a spring clean of my Facebook friends and deleted a heap of them.
Not people I don't like, just old school/work acquaintances where a) I've never been to their house b) I don't have their phone number c) I'd say hi if I ran into them, but I wouldn't ask them to dinner. So I don't need to know what they do everyday (and spend my time reading them) I started out hiding their feeds, then deleted after I didn't miss their updates.

But now I'm worried about confrontation/issues over it, so I've deactivated for a month so no one thinks I've singled them out. Lol I'm a coward. Some of them are really nice people and I don't want to offend, to me it's the equivalent of not bringing home chocolate when you are dieting!

Original poster
imwithspud · 22/05/2015 08:19

Seriously- you wouldn't be even remotely bothered and want to find out more if you thought a member of your family had unfriended you?

Of course, It was mil's approach more than anything. She was confrontational and sounded irritated/offended rather than concerned. A mutual friend of mine and OH had taken the time to message OH to make sure everything was okay, rather than going in all guns blazing making demands over who I choose to have as a friend on my Facebook (which wasn't even the issue in the first place).

Personally I find 'announcing' on my fb that I'm taking a break a bit crass, similar to the people who post status' announcing that their doing a FB friend cull, I'm of the opinion that one should just do it rather than make a big song and dance about it. It's not like Facebook is the only way for people to communicate so I genuinely didn't see the big deal.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 22/05/2015 08:23

Ah, yes, I forgot- she's a mother in law, isn't she?

Original poster
imwithspud · 22/05/2015 08:25

What does that have to do with anything? lol. Would it have made a difference if I'd put mum/uncle/aunt instead?

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