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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think office moaners shouls STFU and stop dragging everyone down

26 replies

chaletdays · 20/05/2015 13:52

Woman in here never, ever stops moaning. Every situation, no matter how positive to everyone else, has a moany angle for her. eg Moaned a few months ago because someone was recruited in from outside to a job instead of an internal promotion being made. Outside person has now left, job is being advertised internally as a promotion, and she is now moaning that she finds interviews too stressful and isn't going to apply and she should have been promoted ages ago etc etc etc
Yesterday she was moaning about something that is absolutely none of her business, and in the process dropped someone else in it.
She's just so negative and dreary to be around.
I know we all like a moan and a bitch sometimes but AIBU to think that permanent moaners are a PITA who selfishly pull down everyone's mood?

OP posts:

GingerCuddleMonster · 20/05/2015 13:58

whilst I see the annoyance. the best and only thing you can do is not let it bother you, smile nod and move on. You know what's she's like so just start to disregard her.

Original poster

chaletdays · 20/05/2015 14:06

I know Ginger. I do usually try to spend as little time in her company as possible and keep conversations general, but she's just really annoyed me at the moment with her irresponsible moaning.

OP posts:

ShadowFire · 20/05/2015 14:46

YANBU.

We used to have a man like that at our work. He could invariably find the worst in any situation and moaned about absolutely everything. I only ever saw him smile if something bad happened to a colleague in front of him. The desks next to him would be reallocated every few weeks because he was so difficult to be near.

I don't know where he moved on to, but I hope he manages to get more positive somehow. It can't be any fun going through life in such a wholeheartedly negative way.

But anyway, if this woman is resistant to attempts to get her to moan less, the only thing to do is to minimise contact as much as possible.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 20/05/2015 14:49

Oh I used to work with someone like that! HaTed the job, the school run, juggling childcare, the people, the managers. Got offered a very generous redundancy payment - wasn't happy with that either!

MinimumPayment · 20/05/2015 15:01

I used to work with someone who moans all the time, I used to tell him he was only happy when he was miserable but at least he was funny with it.

Original poster

chaletdays · 20/05/2015 15:03

This one isn't funny, unfortunately. She also continuously moans about how busy and overworked she is, but when she's out on leave her colleague gets through the work no problem (and with no moaning!)

OP posts:

WhoNickedMyName · 20/05/2015 15:05

I shared an office with someone like this, for 2 days a week. sucked the fucking life out of me. YANBU.

MinimumPayment · 20/05/2015 15:06

Oh I have one of those too. How do you resist saying "well go and get on with it, instead of spending all day moaning about it then" ?

WhoNickedMyName · 20/05/2015 15:08

after reading your last post I'm wondering if it's the same person I worked with. you don't work for the NHS do you?

Original poster

chaletdays · 20/05/2015 15:10

No, whonicked, there's obviously a lot of that type around

OP posts:

GingerCuddleMonster · 20/05/2015 15:29

can you moan to her about people who moan all the time? .

LowryFan · 20/05/2015 15:31

I thought this post was going to be about me

fleamadonna · 20/05/2015 15:33

if you hadn't used the word office, I could have written this about a colleague in my workplace.

she has the annoying habit of moaning with a sort of long-suffering smile across her face like she's just such a trooper for putting up with it all.

Whyamihere · 20/05/2015 15:34

I worked with a bunch of woman a few years ago who spent the whole time moaning, there were things happening in the business that they were not happy about but every comment out of their mouths was a moan. When they all moved offices it was like something heavy had been lifted off me, I hadn't realised until that moment how truly depressing it was working in that atmosphere. I'm a lot less inclined to put up with it now because it is not pleasant.

summerlovin1 · 20/05/2015 15:41

I used to work with somebody like this. I could put up with it for so long, then I would feel they were dragging me down with them. On one occasion, after it had been going on for a few weeks, I told them that I dreaded coming into work, as the constant moaning was really getting me down. They ran out of the room crying and I ended up apologising for upsetting them!!

Original poster

chaletdays · 20/05/2015 15:43

I think everytime she starts moaning in future I will come back with a chirpy 'glass half full' comment about the situation. It will drive her nuts and keep me sane.

OP posts:

Jelliebabe1 · 20/05/2015 15:45

God we have someone like that - she was midstream moan once and I interrupted her with "so what's the good news then?" She went "eh" so I listed a few good things - her health, her lovely baby daughter, her loving husband. She hasnt been quite so bad. I told one of the engineers once that he was miserable. A few days later he actually thanked me and said he hadnt realised quite how people were perceiving him. Most unlike me but I must have reached the end of my tether

TedAndLola · 20/05/2015 16:08

Ugh, yes. There was a moaner in one of my first jobs and there were only four of us so it really dragged me down. My first day on the job, when I was happy and excited to finally have one after months of building up debt from being unemployed, she started droning on about how awful the company was. It wasn't a great company but she made it about 300% worse to work there.

Cornettoninja · 20/05/2015 17:41

Tell me she isn't an overly exaggerated huffer/puffer/sigher as well.

Nothing worse.

Nothing wrong with an occasional whinge, we all do it, but a constant stream of negativity with no way of ever resolving the issue or cheering the fuck up is just draining for everyone in earshot.

I agree being annoyingly the opposite is all you can do really. Tell her and she'll moan about it. Take loads if pleasure in being annoying!

Original poster

chaletdays · 20/05/2015 21:38

I fortunately don't work in the same room as her, but apparently she's always sighing when people are talking because they're obviously distracting her from her stressful work.

OP posts:

reni1 · 20/05/2015 21:55

Perma-moaners need to be met with happiness. Be super ueber happy. Cheerfully say all the good things about whatever she moans about. I mean insanely cheerful, think excited animator at a children's sport camp. I do this, it works and I am usually a miserable sod myself. I do this to myself too if I get too grumpy

missymayhemsmum · 20/05/2015 23:00

Have you tried asking politely why she moans all the time and expaining the effect she has on her colleagues?
Or you could tell her to STFU!

Nettletheelf · 21/05/2015 00:08

What you need is a good game of 'misery bingo'. With fellow cheerful colleagues, draw up a bingo card featuring remarks the miserable bastard makes, then see who can tick them off first.

If you plan it well, you can do lines, corners and a full house, just like real bingo. You could incorporate squares for 'huffing' and 'sighing' for a bit of variety.

I used to sit opposite a woman I nicknamed 'the despair squid' (I grew up with Red Dwarf). Misery bingo was the only thing that kept me sane.

SeaMedows · 21/05/2015 06:25

I have a family member like this - I amuse myself by agreeing with her about how bad things are, and then suggest ways in which they're actually worse. The game is to do it with them agreeing with more and more outrageous suggestions.

Alternately, a colleague who used to moan a lot, gave it up after hearing a colleague from a different office moan about some really ridiculous things - he just turned to me and said, 'do I sound like that?'

parsnipbob · 21/05/2015 06:32

I work with a girl like this. Most of the time I like her but she has got a habit of completely normal things way way out of proportion. She'll happily bend your ear for twenty minutes because someone said 'can you do' rather than 'please can you do'.

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