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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being taken advantage of?

18 replies

minglesum · 07/05/2015 13:10

We have these neighbours, (a married couple with two children aged five and seven ish), who keep asking me if I can take their kids to and from school. I don't have a car, (unlike them!) and taking their kids turns a 20 minute walk in to a 40/50 minute nightmare.

They've never once offered to return the favour.

It's starting to really irritate me. I was flattered at first that someone trusted me with their kids but now I feel they're taking the pee.

What do you think?

OP posts:

badtime · 07/05/2015 13:12

Yes, they are taking advantage of you.

Next time they ask, say no. It is their problem (and their nightmare!), not yours.

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2015 13:12

I think 'No, sorry, that doesn't work for me' would be a perfectly valid answer and stick to it.

Nabootique · 07/05/2015 13:13

I think I need more information. Does it make the journey longer because their kids go to a different school, or are they just difficult?

Nabootique · 07/05/2015 13:14

Actually, I should have said YANBU, because they are taking the piss to never return the favour, but I just wanted the extra info as well!

Original poster

minglesum · 07/05/2015 13:16

The kids are just difficult. They go to the same school as my LO. If I wasn't constantly saying "come on, let's keep moving", God knows how long the journey would take! This obviously means getting up early and setting off early if I've agreed to take them in the morning.

OP posts:

cailindana · 07/05/2015 13:17

They are taking the piss, bigtime. Just say no.

chaletdays · 07/05/2015 13:18

Instead of waiting for them to offer, ask them to take your kids and theirs tomorrow.

ilovemargaretatwood8931 · 07/05/2015 13:22

They are definitely taking advantage of you, they might well not be doing it maliciously or even consciously, but they still are.

They might actually believe that you enjoy the whole thing because you haven't complained, so you have to change the situation, or they'll just carry on... taking advantage.

Just let them know that you can't take their dc with you tomorrow, no need to give reasons why, and try to leave it at that. I imagine had a slightly similar experience they may well ask you again the next day/ ask why you can't etc. It will be excruciatingly hard (if you're like me and like to be nice and please people even if they're taking the piss!) but you must stick to your guns and tell them no. It doesn't work for me. etc.

Good luck. Not easy.

ilovemargaretatwood8931 · 07/05/2015 13:23

chaletdays is right. You should ask them to start taking turns, and if they won't, you stop doing it altogether.

popalot · 07/05/2015 13:24

Taking the piss. What are they doing in the morning that stops them taking their own children to school? How/when do they ask you? Are they coming round your house in the morning?

Justusemyname · 07/05/2015 13:25

Would you want them to take yours?

Someone is taking advantage if you are doing something for them they wouldn't do for you and/or do not appreciate it.

Original poster

minglesum · 07/05/2015 13:26

I've thought about asking them to take my LO but she'd be late for sure and, as they can't control their own kids, I really wouldn't trust them, anyway. I just want them to go away!

OP posts:

Original poster

minglesum · 07/05/2015 13:30

I've no idea why they can't do it themselves. They have a car and two incomes. There's a breakfast club at school and their whole family lives within a 1 mile radius it seems.

OP posts:

DinosaursRoar · 07/05/2015 13:40

Say no. Be nice and smiley, but firm, nope.

If they grab you in the morning "we're in a bit of a rush this morning, see you there!" if they ask you in the evening beforehand "Not possible tomorrow, hope you sort something." (then it be 'not possible' everytime). Stick with it, eventually they'll stop asking.

popalot · 07/05/2015 13:45

It's hard to say no, but would you ever ask anyone to do it for you without good reason? Ask them why they need you to do it next time. That might be enough to make them stop and think.

You could always make up an excuse initially as to why you can't do it until they get the message that you won't be doing it....a doctor's appointment before school or something.

Unless you want to tell them the truth, that their children don't behave well on the walk and it is making you late and you'd rather not be late anymore. You shouldn't have to leave early for them and they need to take their own children from now on. You could suggest they pay a childminder to do it.

I am a bit of a wuss and would probably make up a white lie. But what I'd really want to do is tell them where to shove it....

CupidStuntSurvivor · 07/05/2015 13:47

On the face of it, they're definitely taking advantage.

How often are they doing this? Do they ever give you a reason?

How important is it to you that you stay on good terms? I'm a fairly blunt person and don't mind ruffling feathers when people are taking the piss. My response would probably be something like "Your children's behaviour doubles the duration of my journey and you haven't ever offered to return the favour, so I'm afraid you have to take your children to school yourselves."

Feminine · 07/05/2015 13:47

My goodness. How difficult for you.
I'm having the same thing as you...
Not quite putting me out as much, but... Annoying none the less.
My neighbour (stay at home dad) doesn't want to/can't be bothered, to get his youngest two 'up and ready'
So he drops his daughter (6) at our front door every. Single. day.
The only slightly amusing bit, is the excuses he finds for not doing it.
I agree that you should just say no. I also know that isn't easy. :)

abigamarone · 07/05/2015 14:02

I'd go for the "not possible, sorry" too. With a tight smile and slight head shake, no further engagement necessary. Practise first.

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