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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No bedtime story

25 replies

JumpRope · 29/04/2015 19:49

Dcs pissing me off so much this bedtime, I have told dd(4) no bedtime story. I warned her a few times and they continued splashing water everywhere, not listening, laughing when I got cross.

I'm following thru, but she is wailing for a story, and I feel horrible. I think it's the first time I've not done a bedtime story. Ugh, wrong punishment, but I can't back down now can I? ?

OP posts:

TheMustard · 29/04/2015 19:51

I wouldn't back down if I were you: a consequence is a consequence, and should be followed through if possible!

cosmicglittergirl · 29/04/2015 19:53

I think this is fair enough, you have ample warning then followed through. Four is old enough to understand. Also, what would've been a suitable punishment at bedtime? I don't think there's a problem with this.

makeminea6x · 29/04/2015 19:53

Don't back down, but give her a cuddle and explain that tomorrow there will be a story at some point?

Iggly · 29/04/2015 19:55

I think it is bedtime - they always piss about and when you're tired everything seems worse.

I wouldn't with old bedtime stories. Better to make them clear up if the splashing makes a mess - worked with my two generally.

Rozbos · 29/04/2015 19:55

I've done this occasionally and regretted it but at bath time I find there are little punishments left due to time. Don't give in, maybe they'll learn a lesson?!

Iggly · 29/04/2015 19:55

Withold not with old. Bloody auto correct.

Marmaladedandelions · 29/04/2015 19:55

I think you can back down.

I have certainly said to my DCs that I think I said something in haste or irritation. It doesn't seem to have harmed them.

ApocalypseThen · 29/04/2015 19:57

I wouldn't be dishing out the cuddles to reward this behaviour either. If she's big enough to disobey, she's big enough to live with clearly stated consequences.

I wouldn't be too worried - missing a story once isn't going to scar her for life.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/04/2015 19:57

I wouldn't back down. And id enjoy my extra ten minutes 'off' with a glass of wine.

SewingAndCakes · 29/04/2015 19:58

Would separate baths help? I had to do this with mine as they egged each other on and flooded the bathroom a few times...

twirlypoo · 29/04/2015 19:58

Oh I've done this too and then regretted it. I back tracked by saying he had been so good since x incident that he had earned back his story (and I gave examples of why he was good)

Bed time story is more for me than him sometimes

Charlotte3333 · 29/04/2015 20:01

It must be a Wednesday thing; DS2 is 4 and has just had an almighty tantrum resulting in him throwing a remote control car across the lounge at DS1 because he couldn't get his own way. I scooped him up, plonked him in the bathroom for a wee, took him to bed, tucked him in and kissed him goodnight and said "we can have stories tomorrow night if you can make good choices". He's crying like a dying hyena. My will to live is gone. But you can't back down, so here's and for you instead.

Sootgremlin · 29/04/2015 20:01

I've threatened this before in exasperation and couldn't quite follow through, so offered a chance to get the story back if they got dressed for bed, teeth etc nicely from that point and it's usually been fine.

Probably going against the grain, but I would actually read her the story. She's four. You can change your mind and still explain how disappointed you are about bath time. Children need to go to bed happy and connected I think. This is your relationship, you can put that before 'following through' and it won't hurt. Sometimes showing them compassion when they know they don't really deserve it can work too. Then fresh start tomorrow, natural consequences that are easy to follow through on another time.

m0therofdragons · 29/04/2015 20:02

I've been far meaner op. I can't say no story as usually only one twin has been naughty so it's not fair on the good one. tonight dtd1 has be hideous - I've taken her favourite cuddly. I think she was shocked I followed through and the realisation I meant it seemed to hit her as her chin wobbled. I nearly caved but then remembered how she's been today so hopefully one night without it will be enough to get her behaviour back on track. I hope so. I miss my lovely little girl :(

SouthWestmom · 29/04/2015 20:02

Sometimes though the wailing isn't 'I want a story' it's 'I want to win'.
Don't give in, it's not a harsh punishment but don't substitute it with loads of attention, tucking in etc as other wise it's useless.

Sootgremlin · 29/04/2015 20:13

I don't really understand this idea of 'winning' and 'losing' against a little kid, and cuddles being a 'reward'.

Whatever you do, she will play up at bath time another day. Because she's 4 and tired, upset, wants attention, whichever. There is no 'winning'. So choose the option that strengthens your relationship and leaves you both happy.

ApocalypseThen · 29/04/2015 20:19

I don't really understand this idea of 'winning' and 'losing' against a little kid, and cuddles being a 'reward'.

Well, I was the person who mentioned cuddles as a reward and I stand by it. As far as I'm concerned, you give your child a choice. In this case, they aren't happy with the choice they made now. Which is fine. But consoling them for it seems unnecessary to me. It's ok to let them live with their decisions and not try to ameliorate it all the time. It's one story, once.

SouthWestmom · 29/04/2015 20:30

And I totally understand the idea of winning and losing (as I wrote it) - you've punished me and I don't like it so I will keep going until you stop punishing me. At four, very clear.

Starlightbright1 · 29/04/2015 20:40

I have made threats and followed through..sometimes I don't think they were the wisest threat...However that taught me to choose my threats more carefully. I am not afraid to be wrong..I have appologised to my Ds when I think I was wrong.

My DS was not allowed to an after school activity because of his behaviour he cried and I don't feel great about it however he has pushed his luck and I know I have done the right thing.

Giving into a child for crying you are really setting yourself up for more tears next time..Hopefully she is asleep by now though

Sootgremlin · 29/04/2015 21:02

I suppose the way I see it is a four year old is at the very beginning of understanding that their choices have consequences, so I would console them if those consequences make them sad.

In this case though it's a false choice - splashing in the bath should mean they help tidy up the bathroom, or don't get toys in the bath until they can settle down nicely, a bedtime story isn't really linked to the bad behaviour so I don't see how they really learn anything from it. It is probably a stretch for a four year old to make the connection between not splashing and having a story, so they don't. They just cry and feel hard done by, and you 'win'... Except everyone's upset and there's no real resolution.

I'd've given in on this one because stories are a nice thing to do before bed, so they go to sleep feeling calm and looked after, and that should be the case whatever their behaviour during the day.

I don't think crying themselves to sleep teaches a child anything about good and bad behaviour.

Iggly · 30/04/2015 21:54

I cuddle my ds if he's upset about something when he can't get his own way or has been told off for being naughty.

Cuddles aren't a reward. They demonstrate that I love my children no matter what. Many a time I've cuddled ds and dd when they can't get something - I can explain to them how they feel and why but I don't give in. They feel secure and know the boundaries.

Sootgremlin · 30/04/2015 22:00

msgrinch · 30/04/2015 22:05

I couldn't withhold cuddles. Not telling a story, fine but refusing to cuddle a four year old isn't on.

Minshu · 30/04/2015 22:26

I agree with holding firm on the story, but still giving a cuddle and assurance that they will get stories tomorrow as they will behave then.

I felt the same way as OP the first time I withheld story-time for DD after the mucking about instead of getting ready for bed. She was three then, I think, and it's only happened a handful of times since. Favourite toy has been confiscated a couple of times, too.

She's never been left to cry herself to sleep as a punishment.

Iggly · 30/04/2015 22:28

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