or was this really rude?

[ginmakesitallok]

We were out last night for dinner for mils birthday. 12 in total, dp, dd2 and I, dsil1 and her dp, dsil2, her dh, dc and their partners and dmil. We'd brought cash, expecting to split the bill and treat dmil (dsil 2 had arranged booking etc).

At start of night dsils dh asks loudly "So, are you paying for this mil?", she says that yes it's her treat.

To dsils dh this note seems to be a contest to see how many rounds of drink, how many expensive dishes etc he can order. I was always brought up to think that if someone else is paying you chose the cheapest thing on the menu that you like?

At end of evening I say " mil, we'll pay for the drinks if you've gotten the good ", dsils dh pipes up " No, mil said she was paying!? ", so mil says " no, it's fine, I'm paying. "

So aibu? Is dsils dh a grasping pig? (Oh, and they are able to afford their share)

Rude and horrible.

Has he a history of acting like a dick?

YANBU, quite a crass attitude. If someone else is paying I don't feel the need to choose the cheapest thing I like, but on all other accounts I think yanbu!

what a dick...

YANBU, he was deliberately rude and greedy.

Oh I hate people like this. My DF paid for a whole family meal and didn't tell my cousins as he knew they would go mad with the ordering if they weren't paying.

Dreadful behaviour.

Dick.

I wouldn't necessarily choose the cheapest thing if someone else was paying, but I would avoid the most expensive items on the menu.

You could turn the tables next time on them. When you next get together, before anyone orders, you turn to Dick and say 'since MIL got the last one, I guess that makes this one your shout'.

How greedy :( my brother and SIL to be are like this, we took them out for lunch once to a cafe, she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu (think it was a venison ciabatta or something) then she complained about it being tough

Your sil's dh must not like the mil much. He was rude and a bit unreasonable however, there were other family members (adults) who should have spoken up and insisted on paying for/treating mil.

OMG does he not have any shame? I always hate it when someone else is paying as I feel I can't order a drink or a a side dish.

Utterly piggish. I don't think you tomato ally have to go for the cheapest, but neither do you automatically go for the most expensive.

Very rude knobbish behaviour.

Ew. I had a boyfriend who did this when I was in my 20s. I ditched him as soon as he did this...it was at a wedding. I said "So are you going to the bar?" and he said "SHHH!" and rolled his eyes as in "Wait for someone to offer."

Erm...nope!

I guess we should have spoken up at the time . Yes he has history for being a knob, how the hell sil (who is lovely) puts up with him I'll never know!

The only excuse I can think of would be if MiL had form for saying ( on Christmas presents etc) you buy it and I'll pay you back, but never does.

Yanbu, he sounds like a pig. But your SIL is none the better, why did she out up with it and at the beginning make a big show of asking your mil if she's paying? Seems like they both are the same.

He's an arse and very rude. It was MILs birthday which to me says she shouldn't pay but that aside he should never have asked- that was very grabby and rude.

if there was twelve people there why didn't someone else speak up.? I've never heard of someone paying for everyone else on their own birthday before why was this suggested

Why did no one else put him in his place?

We never spoke up when BIL did this to his mum.... as she would cut off the person who complained!

Sometimes family dynamics are just plain weird and rude bastards get away with all sorts of crass behaviour!

You do have to wonder what the guilt is though? As in I know what BIL had on MIL, but was does your SILs OH have on his MIL??? What does he know that makes it possible for him to push the guilt button... on her birthday!??!

that is really rude, it was a treat for your mum.... he sounds a charmer (not)