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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Children's Privacy v Responsible Parenting

14 replies

CalicoBlue · 11/02/2015 18:30

I feel as a parent I have the right to and should check the social media that my DD 12 is using. DD does not mind and will happily show me the sites she uses and shows me who she is following and who is following her etc.

A while ago she showed me something that DSS 12 was posting, I did not think it entirely appropriate. I told DH about it, he went nuts saying that I had violated her and DSS privacy by looking at what they were doing on line. If she was following him she had no right to show me. I disagreed, but did ask DD not to follow DSS or communicate with him online any more.

Am I being unreasonable, I think I am being a responsible parent and trying to keep my kids safe. I did not expect the response I got from DH.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 11/02/2015 18:31

If your DSS is posting stuff on social media it is hardly private so privacy probably doesn't apply and he should learn that before he makes a big mistake.

SweepTheHalls · 11/02/2015 18:33

Anything that are posting online is by it's very nature not private, and I think that is rather the point. If it was in a private diary, they are entitled to privacy, but on the internet there simpley is no privacy and I guess that is why you had an issue with it as it should not have been in the public domaine.

coalscuttle · 11/02/2015 18:33

I think you are being very responsible. And your DH unreasonable!

Nanny0gg · 11/02/2015 18:35

Suggest your DH gets wise.

Make him look here:

www.thinkuknow.co.uk/

rinabean · 11/02/2015 20:01

You seriously told your daughter she can't be online friends with her own brother???

I was with you until that point

SoupDragon · 11/02/2015 20:21

I don't think you can judge without knowing what the step brother posted.

Original poster

CalicoBlue · 12/02/2015 08:03

The reason I asked her not to follow her step brother, was not what he posted, even though I did not like it. It was more about DH's reaction that DD and I had invaded DSS's privacy. If I want to see what she is posting and following then it is best she does not follow him so then we can not be accused of seeing or saying anything.

OP posts:

ScathingContempt · 12/02/2015 09:16

Surely the point of being on social media is to be seen and followed? DSS must have known DD was following him and didn't object? My children all have each other on fb, instagram etc.

Your husband is an ignorant dick, there is nothing wrong with your DD following him and nothing wrong with you following him, if you wanted. It was a condition of getting social media that I was friended when my teens were young.

5dogsgoswimming · 12/02/2015 14:08

You cannot give a 12 year old complete privacy when it comes to online stuff so you are in the right. You just can't. Grooming and all that

skylark2 · 12/02/2015 14:11

"DD and I had invaded DSS's privacy."

You can't invade someone's privacy by looking at something that they've shared in public.

Lovemycatsandkids · 12/02/2015 14:15

I think your dh needs educating here.

He seems to have confused texting or writing in a diary as the same as posting online.

He sounds a bit daft.

maninawomansworld · 13/02/2015 18:51

Sorry but if a child is only 12 years old then as far as I'm concerned you OWN them. Not literally of course, but in the sense that social network passwords, phones, ipads, diaries and the like must be handed over immediately and without question should you as a reasonable adult have cause to believe that inspection is necessary.

Also, you and DH need to pull together or the kids will do what the do best 'divide and conquer'.

YANBU at all! He's 12 ffs not 22!

SolidGoldBrass · 13/02/2015 19:10

It depends if you read what was publicly posted or if you snooped in private messages. If it's the latter, then I am with your DH. Contrary to what the previous poster said, a 12-year-old is not property and is entitled to some privacy.
As parents, we stand a better chance of keeping our DC clear of drug abuse, crime and unwanted/underage sexual activity if we talk to them about self-respect and respect for others, etc, than if we constantly spy on them and make them feel like they have to answer to us for every fleeting rant about how they hate school/fancy someone/didn't do their homework when they said they had done.

Original poster

CalicoBlue · 13/02/2015 19:28

I don't think it was private, it was a recording of him posted on instagram. Though if he had sent my DD a private message, I do think that she should show me who is sending her private messages, if they are from her friends at school or family I do not need to see them, but if they are from people I don't know I can ask to see them.

She is 12, with my 17 year old I don't monitor him as much if at all. My DH does not monitor his Ds at all. Which is where the problem is.

OP posts:

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