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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have been offended by this?

30 replies

flyinghogfish · 09/02/2015 18:17

Ok, this is my first ever post in AIBU, please be gentle :)
Last night someone on my fb posted
"So, how would you thank Stephen Hawking for a BAFTA - it's not like you can shake his hand or anything?"
Then his gf responded
"Thanks for shitting on my joke"
I commented
"Um, I guess you would look him in the eye and thank him, just like you would any human being?"
"Jokes about the disabled are not funny :("
She then replies
"On the contrary, two guys wouldn't even look at him when they received their rewards. Hence why *** asked the question. I didn't post my joke, but you seem to have added 2and 2 and come up with it being about disability. Well done"
So, who was being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Cantbelievethisishappening · 09/02/2015 18:22
Hmm
sonjadog · 09/02/2015 18:31

I don't understand. What does she mean it isn't about disability?

Original poster
flyinghogfish · 09/02/2015 18:43

I don't know! To be fair she didn't post her joke, I just took an educated guess
I just wondered if my comment was uncalled for, but I found the initial hand shake question offensive, disablist jokes and comments make me so cross.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 09/02/2015 18:46

Stay off Facebook. Job done!

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 09/02/2015 18:47

She had the option to say actually, you are wrong, this was the joke... and post it.

If she chose not to do so, what conclusion can you draw from that?

Tyzer85 · 09/02/2015 18:48

They sound like morons.

Original poster
flyinghogfish · 09/02/2015 18:50

Thank you. That's all I needed to know :)
And I think I need to do a bit of culling of the friends list, stop this offensive drivel coming up on my news feed and giving me the rage Grin

OP posts:
InfinitySeven · 09/02/2015 18:51

Nobody ever takes nicely to being publicly criticised on Facebook.

It doesn't really matter what your point was, or whether they actually agree - they were always going to respond defensively, or to delete your comment.

It's generally a better idea to either hide or unfriend people who post controversial crap that you disagree with, and if you do want to discuss something that someone has posted, do so through a private means. But I shouldn't think we'll see the day that someone not only admits that they were wrong on Facebook, but also thanks the person for telling them and doesn't respond hostily. It just won't happen.

LovestFromest · 09/02/2015 18:53

Perhaps it's just me but I have no idea what the "joke" was meant.to be or.who said what Confused

LovestFromest · 09/02/2015 18:55

"jokes about the disabled are not funny" -- who said that?

GettingFiggyWithIt · 09/02/2015 18:55

Ooh in that case please write: Oops, sorry for jumping the gunBlush please post your joke, could do with a laugh today X
Call her on it. She is talking bollocks..

Original poster
flyinghogfish · 09/02/2015 18:59

It was the initial question where he asked how you would thank Stephen Hawking for a BAFTA.
Then the reference to a joke (of which was not divulged) by his girlfriend.
I just found it really distasteful
I should have kept my trap shut! It's not the first time I've told someone off, done it to their faces too. People who use the "P" and "R" words get short shrift with me as well.
It makes me Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
flyinghogfish · 09/02/2015 19:01

loves
I made that comment, in hindsight I probably shouldn't have!

OP posts:
Original poster
flyinghogfish · 09/02/2015 19:04

figgy I bloody wish I had thought of that!
Never mind Grin

OP posts:
Marmiteandjamislush · 09/02/2015 19:12

As someone who works in disability rights promotion and protection, in la, YANBU, this kind of insidious 'I'm not prejudice but ....ha ha' crap is dangerous and corrosive and is getting worryingly prevalent. I don't have Facebook, but if I did I'd email her back (can you do that?) and just ask her to replace a person with a disability with a well known person with another protected characteristic (eg. race, sexuality, religion) and ask her if she''d still say it, find it funny. My guess is not. Please never be afraid to stand up to this kind of crap, you make our job much easier. Thanks

sonjadog · 09/02/2015 19:13

I ruined someone's joke at work today too. The lunchtime was something about something handicraft being a "girls' activity" and I said that handicraft is not gender-specific.

Marmiteandjamislush · 09/02/2015 19:14

in law, that should say btw.

KittyandTeal · 09/02/2015 19:17

Unless her joke is based on some sciencey humour about not being able to shake a physicists hand then I'm guessing they're taking the piss out of him being disabled.

Original poster
flyinghogfish · 09/02/2015 19:18

marmiteI have deleted, blocked and reported. To be honest she was so nasty in her response I really don't want anything more to do with it.
But I will continue pulling people up on it, it's not funny. My nephew is disabled and it has made me even more protective x

OP posts:
Patchworkpatty · 09/02/2015 19:32

Is it me, or am I the only person to think that there is nothing positive in fb, infact. nothingness that the world could easily do without ? its infantile and if you didn't engage with it anymore, your life will be happier Grin

sonjadog · 09/02/2015 19:36

I find lots of positive things about facebook. It enables me to stay in touch with friends and family all over the world in a way that didn't happen in pre-facebook days. It is also the place where I get to hear about events and activities I would like to be part of.

Original poster
flyinghogfish · 09/02/2015 19:36

Oh I don't know, I guess it's down to careful selection of friends!
Generally my friends are all lovely, some do tend to post those silly posters with meaningful phrases, so I hide their feeds Grin
It can be a good way of keeping in touch x

OP posts:
Original poster
flyinghogfish · 09/02/2015 19:38

And thank you all for being so lovely, I am no longer afraid to post!Wine Flowers Cake Brew (please take your pick!) X

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 09/02/2015 19:39

YANBU, and your answer was spot on. Whether the 'joke' was about disability or not, the comment to which you were responding surely was.

partypigeon · 09/02/2015 19:43

I pulled someone up on a ched Evans joke the other week and wasn't thanked for it. I do think it's important to challenge this kind of crap though, as long as you can be bothered to deal with the fallout.