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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to offer them a spare key?

37 replies

imnotadoorman · 31/01/2015 22:26

NC as this will out me because I'm constantly moaning about it IRL and I'd rather my previous posts weren't linked to this.

So, I live in a block of flats and moved here last year. The first wee while was fine but before Christmas some of my neighbours got into the habit of buzzing my buzzer in the very early hours to be let in (3 or 4 nights in a row). I don't have a silencer on my intercom and I have never once got out of bed to let them in(it's stupid o'clock and I work full time!). I assumed (wrongly and I feel bad about it) that it was one set of neighbours but on asking my nearest neighbours discovered it was actually them. They promised they wouldn't do it any more but it has started up again.

WIBU to stick my head out my door after letting them in next time they do it and offering them my spare key? I know this is the PA way of doing it but I want to keep the peace as they're generally nice to talk to and I just don't want to fall out with anyone. However, it's disruptive and really unfair, I don't know if it's just me but I assume so as there have been no letters from the factor (which I was initially considering asking for). There's no point trying to speak into the intercom as I am hard of hearing so won't hear the reply (this is the bit that def outs me!). What do you think?

OP posts:
ILovePud · 31/01/2015 22:32

You poor thing that is unbelievably rude of them. Personally I wouldn't be offering them keys you'll be reinforcing their behaviour by letting them in and It'll be more hassle for you as you're still getting up and what if they don't give the keys back? I'd buy some earplugs and hope they'll stop when they eventually realise you won't let them in.

frankie001 · 31/01/2015 22:32

Where is their key?

CupidStuntSurvivor · 31/01/2015 22:34

If they don't remember their own key, your spare key has no chance.

Do you share a landlord?

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 31/01/2015 22:35

I'd ride it out and totally ignore the buzzer next time.

It's like CC in children - you have to be tough and leave things otherwise everytime you give in you're reinforcing the message that you will do their bidding.

Earplugs and head under pillow.

ooerrmissus · 31/01/2015 22:36

Get earplugs. Feckin rude.

Original poster
imnotadoorman · 31/01/2015 22:36

Frankie - I have no idea. It takes 2 sets of keys to get in and they seem to get into their flat ok so I'm assuming they've lost it or only one of them has a key.

Pud - I know :( I don't need the key back as I have 2 spares and I had thought maybe giving them the key makes the point I'm pissed off without having to verbalise it? It's been ongoing for a wee while now and they don't seem to be getting the message - I haven't once let them in.

OP posts:
MorelloKisses · 31/01/2015 22:38

Can you put foam or something over the speaker at night so you don't hear it...

Original poster
imnotadoorman · 31/01/2015 22:40

I worry I won't hear my alarm in the morning though if I use earplugs (due to hearing impairment, unfortunately this isn't lessening the noise of the buzzer though!).

If I want to do that I'll need to buy an under pillow alarm just in case - I grudge having to spend money because they're so rude! Seems like the best plan though I suppose :( maybe I'll send them the bill ;)

OP posts:
rookiemere · 31/01/2015 22:41

We had this in our previous flat -all the others were rented out for short term guests. Dh who is quite handy managed to rig up the buzzer so we could switch it off at night.

ILovePud · 31/01/2015 22:44

If you don't need the spare that could be a good idea, albeit they could just get a key cut themselves and if they think it's acceptable to repeatedly wake their neighbours in the early hours it's hard to know if they'll take any of this on board. Perhaps proactively take the key over and say that you have trouble getting back to sleep when woken up so please can they stop doing this, if you approach it from a 'sad' rather than 'angry' perspective I think they are more likely to respond. That or piss filled water bombs out of the window the next time they do it Wink.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 31/01/2015 22:45

Your best plan is to knock on and confront them about it, not to get earplugs! Honestly, you can't seriously be putting up with this in order to avoid having to tell them how inconsiderate they're being?

Original poster
imnotadoorman · 31/01/2015 22:51

The thing is, they already know because I'd asked them if they were having bother with it when I thought it was other neighbours. At the time I'd explained that it gives me a bit of a fright and obviously I have to get up early in the morning so it makes me into a bit of a zombie. I kind of think the sad face won't work.

I'm tempted to buzz them at 8am (they get back from work when they're doing this) when I go to work - but I know that won't solve anything, it might make me feel better though!

We don't share a landlord - I own my flat.

OP posts:
Hassled · 31/01/2015 22:56

Giving them a spare key would be rewarding bad behaviour, and we all know that way madness lies. Instead, go and shout at them because they are thoughtless twats who need shouting at. You've been too nice for too long, which is why they haven't stopped doing it.

AntiHop · 31/01/2015 23:00

Yanbu. Can't believe how badly they are behaving. Similar things have happened to me on occasion but not repeatedly.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 31/01/2015 23:00

Have you asked them why they don't have a key and why they seem to think waking neighbours at daft times is acceptable?

frankie001 · 31/01/2015 23:03

I would ask them again not to, suggest they get another key and ignore every time they ring.

frankie001 · 31/01/2015 23:04

Failing that speak to their landlord?

Mintyyssockie · 31/01/2015 23:07

Seriously?

Spadequeen · 31/01/2015 23:12

I would not give them your spare key, what about when they lose that? I would also ignore their buzzing and ask them to stop buzzing you.

I would also look into getting someone out to change it so you can turn the buzzer off at night.

Your neighbours are hugely rude and unreasonable

Original poster
imnotadoorman · 31/01/2015 23:24

Ok, I will not give them my key. I might buy an airhorn and sound that into the intercom though.

I probably am going to have to speak to them, aren't I. I don't want to, but I'll try being lovely and hope for the best next time it happens! Who knows, maybe I'll be lucky and it won't!

OP posts:
ThingummyJigg · 31/01/2015 23:28

If they lost their key, they will lose yours.

Offer to make them a spare (get the money first) and do NOT lend them one of your keys for them to make a spare. If they are so rude and inconsiderate that they repeatedly buzz you in the middle of the night, they won't be careful with your key, imo.

ILovePud · 31/01/2015 23:41

Sadly I think ThingummyJigg is probably right, it's a crap situation and your neighbours are inconsiderate twats. It may be that however reasonable and consistent you are they continue to be inconsiderate twats, there probably isn't a perfect strategy to deal with this which will make them start behaving with a bit of consideration, it's not your fault they are twats or that you've handled the situation poorly, you're just unlucky to live in the same flats.

Original poster
imnotadoorman · 31/01/2015 23:48

thank you all, will have a word next time it happens.

Thank you especially Pud, that makes me feel a bit better about it!

OP posts:
TheEfficiencyMovement · 01/02/2015 00:34

Don't wait until next time. You need to speak to them beforehand. If you really can't face speaking to them drop them a note making it crystal clear that they mustn't buzz you.

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 01/02/2015 06:00

if this was me, I would just become really irritating about it. I would speak to them every single time, being really sweet and nice, just really annoying. try and catch them at an awkward time, when they're on their way out or something, keep them chatting for ages under the premise of "just trying to find a solution". repeat yourself a lot. you have to out do them on annoying.

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