to be annoyed with DH?

[mywholelifeisaheadache]

Dh and i have separate bank accounts at his request. Tbh this has worked well before as he is diabolical with money and has enabled us to save, but at the moment he's out of work and his constant 'can you transfer money to pay the bills, can you transfer £50 for this and that and the other' is really beginning to annoy me! I have no issue with the money side of it but the general irritant of having to transfer the money when, if we shared an account, he could just help himself! I've even said to him if he needs money while I'm out at work transfer it himself or I'll leave him my bank card. But no, apparently he doesn't feel right doing that as it's 'my' account.

Aibu to be finding this annoying?

It'd piss me off too.
sort of different but a bit the same, my husband won't go in my purse. (we share money so that's why it's different) he brings it to me for me to take whatever he wants out. Drives me batty. Doesn't matter how many times I say ffs in the time it's taken you to get my purse and come over saying have you got a tenner in there, you could have opened the bloody thing and checked

He won't go in my bag either, but I understand that. I barely dare go in myself.

Are you able to plan and make a transfer that's going to cover bills and give some extra so that it's just in there on your payday and how he manages it is up to him?

Frankly if somebody was diabolical with money there would be no way they would have free access to my bank account.

You know him best though.

I am not sure i understand. Where do you hate to transfer money to? When he was working who paid what?

Sounds annoying. Why not have a joint account as well as separate accounts. Joint account receives the income and pays the bills. Separate accounts get a regular allowance paid in from the joint account and can be used for whatever you want personally.

Yeah this would be annoying to me too.

Is he out of work completely? If so, can you ask him exactly what his monthly direct debits are, add an 'allowance' of sorts on the top, put that in his account at the beginning of the month and leave him to it?

Are you both with barclays?

If so try pingit phone app. It's awesome. Me and my DH transfer money back and forth in seconds. Super quick and free and easy.

My mum has it too and we 'ping' money to each other after shopping etc. it's soo much easier.

I was brought up that you didn't open other people's post, delve in their handbags or take things out of their purses.
Other posters have said that this is annoying because in the time taken for OP to get money out, d could have done it himself.
I disagree, it's not about how long it takes, it's about respecting OP's privacy.

I would just automatically transfer a certain amount every week for his spending

Get a joint account. Keep your separate accounts, but both transfer money into the joint account regularly. Use this joint account to pay all household bills.

The reason I say this is because I am a doom monger, and I made DH turn his account into a joint one (because he is the only one working at the moment) and he drives A LOT for work - just in case something happened to him, because if he died, ALL our money would be frozen in HIS account and I would have no access to it. So it's now a joint account. I also have a separate savings account into which goes a monthly "allowance".

Obviously it's a wee bit less relevant while he has no money going into his account, but whenever he gets another job, I strongly advise setting this in motion. If your DH is really shit with money, then get his wages/salary paid into the joint account, and do a monthly transfer into his personal account instead, so he has his "own" money to spend on what he likes - that way you still get the chance to save out of the bulk of the household income.

Except the OP is the one who has said she is perfectly happy for him to do this. So he is respecting a privacy that the OP has no interest in protecting. The OP is the one who is irritated by his refusal and would prefer him to do it. He isn't respecting anything that the OP is interested in him respecting.