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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have just eaten approx 14 chocolate bars

27 replies

shitmother · 27/01/2015 13:33

have n/changed.

am I depressed? or just a fat lazy cow?

I have 3 children of 10 and under and run my own successful business. im married. On the outside I look like I have all my shit together, people ask 'wow, how do you do it all....'.....

The reality is.... Im at home with 2 toddlers, I do very little with them, my house is a mess, the bathroom needs cleaning, Ive just eaten 14 chocolates and hidden the wrappers deep in the bin, I will go to the shop on way to school to replace. Not uncommon.

I wish I could take the toddlers out and have fun with them. I can but I don't.

I am utter shit.

OP posts:
YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 27/01/2015 13:41

YABU. I'm sure you don't always eat that much chocolate. I too always eat too much chocolate. I'm also a mum to 3 under 10's. It's bloody hard work. My house is also a mess. No advice as such just letting you know you're not alone or unique. Oh and don't replace the chocolate. You don't want to feel worse if it happens again. It's a blip. We all have them. :)

bloodygorgeous · 27/01/2015 13:45

Sorry you are feeling so despondant.

It is very hard work looking after young kids (and working from home).

Most of us feel like we are chasing our tails and not getting everything done no matter how we juggle our lives.

Does sound like you are depressed if not utterly overwhelmed.

Maybe write a list of things that could make your life better.

Could you afford a cleaner, even once a fortnight?

Can you meet mum friends for coffee to get out the house?

Would a friend or relative babysit for an hour here and there or can you afford childcare for a couple of hours a week.

Birdsgottafly · 27/01/2015 13:45

How do you feel in yourself and about things in general?

Are you honestly too busy to have a clean house, or is it not a priority (which is fine)?

We all have off days/weeks if we have two toddlers, but if personally you aren't depressed etc, you can get over it and just wait for things to get better.

If your honestly struggling with planning that you once managed, you may be depressed.

HighwayDragon · 27/01/2015 13:49

14 chocolates like hero size, or 14 full sized bars, because 14 little chocolates is basically a serving isn't it?

Caronaim · 27/01/2015 13:51

you didn't eat 14 chocolate bars because you are shit. you feel like shit because you ate 14 chocolate bars. I get days like that. we all do. I haven't cleaned or tidied since before Christmas. Firstly I was ill, but now it is just too big a job to think about starting. I know I would feel so much better if I just got on with it. Starting is the hard thing. I get into a downward spiral about things - sounds like you do too. We should both be just giving ourselves three targets to meet this afternoon, like wash up, fold the clothes on the floor, clean out the litter tray, then just do it! Then do a few more tomorrow.

Original poster
shitmother · 27/01/2015 13:51

thank you for replying.

I just feel in a daze. I feel sick to the stomach because of the chocolate.

I am house proud, or I was. now, well, who cares.

toddler 2.4 still not talking properly, im not worried from a medical/devpt point of view, but its frustrating for us both.

I gave her a chocolate bar to buy me 10 more mins of having her in the highchair. im so tired, baby only wakes once in night.

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 27/01/2015 13:52

14 individual chocolates from a box?

Original poster
shitmother · 27/01/2015 13:52

14 x 16g time out bars.

OP posts:
betard · 27/01/2015 13:53

Totally agree with YourMa. I'm mum to 3 under 4s (who don't sleep well) and I'm at home all day with just the 4mo baby. Some days I don't feel like feel like doing anything except eating whatever sugary stuff I can find in my cupboards, and feel as though I'm just fobbing my baby off by bouncing her chair while surfing the net. Plan to have a more productive/fun day tomorrow. When you feel like doing the cleaning, it won't take as long as you think. 2 toddlers all day is really hard - hang in there.

rinabean · 27/01/2015 13:53

There is no moral value attached to eating chocolate. You are not a shit mum, parenting is not judged on whether or not you ever binge ate chocolate.

You have a lot to deal with and there is no shame in struggling. You sound very stressed and like it could be heading into depression. Have you considered talking to your GP? This is not shameful, you are achieving a lot and you should be proud of that. The important things are that you feel shit and you feel unable to go out with your kids and have some fun. Those are the problems, and they can be fixed. Forget the bathroom!

HotLipsHoulihan · 27/01/2015 13:54

Oh they're tiny. Stop being so hard on yourself. You ate the chocolate because you're having a down day - trust me, we all do it at one time or another

miaowmix · 27/01/2015 13:57

Toddlers can be boring and are hard work. You do sound depressed. Could you put the toddlers in nursery? Get a cleaner?

PatriciaHolm · 27/01/2015 13:59

Sounds like you should go to the GP and have a chat. You sound extremely down, tired and listless, which could be symptoms of a number of things, such as depression. Regularly eating almost 1,000 calorie of chocolate in one go isn't remotely healthy and will be making you feel even more sluggish and down.

Greencurtain · 27/01/2015 14:00

Forget about it. It's done.

It's bloody hard work at home with little kids so just cut yourself some slack. You aren't a shit mum, you just had a bad moment. No long term harm done and you'll not feel sick from it by tomorrow. Try not to do it again as obv not particularly good for you.

Not sure what to suggest re toddlers apart from they won't be toddlers for ever.

FailOfTheCentury · 27/01/2015 14:00

Doesn't matter what the chocolate bars were, how big they were, whatever. What's important is that OP doesn't want to have eaten the chocolates, hid the wrappers, but says it's not uncommon. The chocolates are just an expression of OP's unhappiness.

OP, you say you're tired, you say "who cares", you say you're shit, and you say you could go out with your toddlers but don't.

I think it sounds like you're low and could benefit from a chat with your GP.

Evabeaversprotege · 27/01/2015 14:00

What do you do?

Does your job stimulate you? Do you have contact with people?

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 27/01/2015 14:07

There I was thinking you ate 14 full size bounty bars and thought, 'there's a woman after my own heart!'. But mini chocs are hardly that bad.

You're top hard on yourself. Don't expect too much from yourself. Take a day or two off and get some support from friends, family or GP.

Flowers
pinkisthenewpink · 27/01/2015 14:12

Weirdly I was just chomping on a refreshers chewy lolly from my kids treat box. Not hungry, didn't want it, don't particularly like them...but was bored and more to the point, I can feel myself getting stressed about some work (work at home) I'm doing at the mo. Complete knee jerk reaction. Bloody emotional stressy eating.

Looking after toddlers is hard work and isolating. Working from home is hard and isolating. There are also great points to both...but some days it just gets on top of you. And housework....pfft....just serves to tip you over the edge.

You're not shit at all. In fact, it could be said what a stellar mother you are having eaten the chocs and thus helped the dental health of your children?! Grin and Brew

HighwayDragon · 27/01/2015 14:28

if it helps the little ones you need to eat 4 to get a full sized bar, so really you had 3 and a half chocolate bars

cedricsneer · 27/01/2015 14:37

I agree with fail of the century. I'm afraid that minimising the binge eating isn't helpful. That along with being unable to motivate yourself to clean the house or interact with the kids properly is symptomatic of depression and/or a binge eating disorder - especially as you are hiding the evidence.

Op you have my empathy - it sounds shit. Have you thought about seeing the gp for a referral for counselling? It may be really helpful in gaining some self awareness about where the behaviour stems from.

Be kind to yourself and try to get some time to yourself to do something that will build your self esteem. I've been thereThanks.

PassMeTheFrazzlesPlease · 27/01/2015 14:40

Spatone every day. Vitiman D. A good multivitamin.

I have four children, two under three. I understand exactly how you feel Flowers

Since I started with the supplements, I feel SO much better and don't crave sugar so much.

Yes, I know that a healthy, varied diet is better than supplements. But when you are worn out/awake during the nights, it can be hard at first to step away from the chocolate and find the motivation to make healthy lunches.

I did have blood tests before I started and my iron wasn't officially deficient, just at the lower end of normal. I still feel such a difference though & have now got the energy to do more with the children and to get out walking with the buggy a lot more.

wobblyweebles · 27/01/2015 17:01

Asking in a very gentle way, why don't you feel like you can go out with the toddlers?

I ask because personally I find getting out of the house is a good antidote to depression and over-eating.

FoxgloveFairy · 27/01/2015 17:16

Hi. I'm no psychologist/ psychiatrist nor a mother, but you do sound overwhelmed and depressed. Is this a constant thing or something that is occasional when you've had a few bad days? Kind of don't have the mental or physical energy to do x, so just can't bring myself to, x not done, I'm a pile of crap because x is not done type cycle. Trust me, I've felt that way, and I ain't trying to do what you have on your plate.I agree with the GP and councelling suggestion. Can't hurt, might help a lot. I don't imagine you are the first woman to feel like this(!) so it really is not anything to be ashamed of, and you are not a shit mum. Just an overwhelmed one. You do need help to break this pattern though. Take care.

roastchicken · 27/01/2015 17:23

This isn't really about the chocolate, is it?

Tomorrow is another day - plan a trip for tomorrow morning - softplay/swimming/park/museum/playgroup. Getting out of the house helps.

For house - Marie Kondo's book is fantastic - really motivating.

SummerHouse · 27/01/2015 17:29

I think you are brilliant! I am always beating myself up about not doing things with the DSs. My house is also a mess. At the weekend I got hysterical and I laughed so much I thought my stomach was going into cramp, at the sheer volume of stuff to do. I have concluded I am better out than in. At least then the telly is not on. So we walk to school, then the shop and we get the bus into town and i have learned there is something strangely calming about having a peppermint tea in a cafe. Can you do anything like that? I know that my overwhelming feeling is that I can't be bothered but I also know that the only way to feel less like that is to fight it. Within reason. Do something positive and then reward yourself. A nice hot bath for example.Brew I hope this gets easier for you soon.