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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not feel stressed by clutter and untidyness?

36 replies

Mintyy · 23/01/2015 13:10

Otoh, the thought of tidying everything up and always keeping it immaculate gives me sleepless nights!

I haven't got the energy or stamina to keep a tidy house and I need to stop feeling guilty about it.

Mumsnet has made me think there's a problem when I was never aware of one before .

OP posts:

Nolim · 23/01/2015 13:15

Hire a cleaner if you can afford it. Then at least you only have to keep the place neat, not getting it neat.

Original poster

Mintyy · 23/01/2015 13:17

I have a cleaner. Have done for about 15 years. She tolerates our clutter but couldn't possibly tidy up for us, I would never expect her to.

OP posts:

PulyaSochsup · 23/01/2015 13:17

I have learned, to my cost, that sacrificing health and wellbeing for a tidy house doesn't really help anyone. I have learned to be as clean as I can and try to ignore piles of clutter, or I would be certifiable!

specialsubject · 23/01/2015 13:24

are stairs clear? Are doors clear? Is kitchen hygienic? Ditto bathroom? (This does not mean gallons of bleach!)

is the 'stuff' stressing you out? Are the piles dangerous to anyone?

no? In that case, your business.

Original poster

Mintyy · 23/01/2015 13:31

Yes, we're not at the stage where you have to walk round stuff or tunnel through corridors to get to the bed!

Stairs clear, whole house very clean and you don't need to talk to me on use of bleach, I am one of the most vocal bleach haters on Mumsnet.

But perceived wisdom is that clutter "weighs you down" or is a distraction, source of guilt etc.

Am just saying, not for me it isn't (particularly) but I think I am possibly in a minority. Especially on Mumsnet.

OP posts:

dotty2 · 23/01/2015 13:33

As PP said, as long as it's not a health hazard or dangerous, it's just a matter of taste. I actually quite like a bit of clutter - you know: the odd book or newspaper sitting around where the person reading them last left them, a few toys/games not away in the cupboard, the piano left open with music on it, the TV remote control handily placed. I know other people hate this kind of thing and want everything away in a cupboard. Each to their own. Some people seem to think their way is the only way - as if you're not free to like coffee because I happen to like tea.

If it's getting on top of you and you need advice on how to tackle it, then listen to the declutterers. Otherwise, ignore.

TheSpottedZebra · 23/01/2015 13:35

Some people hate clutter don't they? And ascribe oral superiority to not having any.

Others are like me, and like stuff, and don't really like putting away.

TheSpottedZebra · 23/01/2015 13:36

MORAL !!
I wrote moral.

tumbletumble · 23/01/2015 13:36

Sounds fine to me. I will join you in the happy unstressed messy club

Hatespiders · 23/01/2015 13:38

Everyone is perfectly at liberty to run their house as they wish. As you say, you're not stressed out by clutter and your home is cleaned.
I'm the opposite, as I can't cope with clutter. I find it exhausts me trying to find stuff if it's all over the place. And our bungalow is tiny, so any clutter would severely limit our space.
I find it very easy just to put things where they belong and to keep surfaces clear. Then we can clean quite quickly.
I used to go in for loads of ornaments and bric-a-brac, such as Toby jugs and china horses. But when we down-sized to this place, I sold them all at various car-boots, and never regretted it. We have just one or two little ornaments now.
But I'm 70 so maybe being older has caused this change!

specialsubject · 23/01/2015 13:40

wisdom is a bit lacking on mumsnet at times. And guilt is only for those who have done wrong, same as jealousy belongs in the playground.

you're fine!

AMumInScotland · 23/01/2015 13:41

You have to remember that Mumsnet is also the home of people who wash their towels after every use, wear clean pyjamas every day, and think that toilet brushes are disgusting. Take their views on 'normal' attitudes to cleanliness with a pinch of salt, they are not the bulk of humanity!

wishmiplass · 23/01/2015 13:42

I cannot bear clutter in my house, but that's probably because I grew up in a neglectful environment with rubbish, cat/dog shit, clothes, food etc all over the place and I've gone to the other extreme.

I'm not holier than thou about it though, and pretty much relaxed about other people's mess.

So, YANBU.

wishmiplass · 23/01/2015 13:43

I change my 'jama bottoms every day. They'd SMELL if I didn't!

CMOTDibbler · 23/01/2015 13:43

Doesn't bother me either - nor unwashed dishes (up to 1 dishwasher load) lurking in the kitchen

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 23/01/2015 13:51

yanbu I think along the same lines but there is a tipping point for me if I let too much clutter build up it depresses me. I have a standard that is low for some my mum but fine for me!

HolyTerror · 23/01/2015 14:13

Doesn't bother me either. We have a big, rented house with lots of books and nowhere near enough bookshelves (but can't build any, obviously), and a pathologically messy toddler. It's clean (down to our weekly cleaner, I should add, I don't do any housework other than laundry and feeding DS), but generally cheerfully untidy, because while there's plenty of space, there's not a lot of storage. It has never occurred to me that this was in any way a problem.

And I wish women would resist the notion that they (not their male partners or children) are judged by some abstract cleanliness police for the interior of their house. It seems to me that a lot of that 'declutter'/Flylady sink-cleaning stuff is just more arbitrary social pressure, like standards of personal 'grooming'.

Original poster

Mintyy · 23/01/2015 19:35

I think its that my mil is such a freak perfectionist about the house that it unsettles me. My brother too. The whole family laugh at his garage and his filing systems. I am the complete opposite and it is SO interesting as we have the same parents and had more or less the same upbringing.

When pil come to stay, Mil insists on drying up saucepans etc from the draining board and putting them away, when she knows perfectly well that we are happy to let them air dry.

At the moment we're having works done in our kitchen and I've had to put everything we normally have "out" away. And instead of looking like one of those amazingly calm and serene high-tech havens you see in Elle Decoration, it just feels echoe-y and freezing cold.

OP posts:

murmuration · 23/01/2015 19:46

If it doesn't bother you, and things are still sanitary and safe, no problem!

I so wish I wasn't bothered by clutter, as I get into catch-22's where I don't have the energy to deal with it (CFS/ME), but my 'rest' time is spent on edge because things bother me. Every once and a while I make an effort, usually make myself terribly ill and don't manage to get things tidy enough to relax me. I live for the days after the cleaner has come (he doesn't tidy, but at least pushes it all to the edges so it looks better).

Original poster

Mintyy · 23/01/2015 19:52

I'm sorry that it bothers you murmuration and that you aren't in a position to have your house exactly as you'd like.

Feel a bit frivolous now.

OP posts:

ithoughtofitfirst · 23/01/2015 19:55

I feel really uncomfortable in homes that are ridiculously clean and tidy. It looks good but it just feels like you can't relax.

Bloodymidges · 23/01/2015 20:07

YANBU to be bothered by it - each to their own.

I am terminally lazy and somewhat forgetful so just have lots and lots and lots of storage, so everything has a home. It's a lot less hassle for me to just bung things where they live straightaway so I can find them later. The side effect of this is a clutter free home and more time for me to be a lazy arse!

JustStirItUna · 23/01/2015 20:16

I live in an old Victorian terraced house, wooden floorboards and the like. I find that clutter actually adds something to the house, kind of makes it what it is. If I lived in a new build with cream walls and carpets, it may be another thing altogether, but we live in happy clutter and it looks fine. If we can't be arsed to wash the pots, then we just close the kitchen door!

(I do have a cleaner though, and I'd rather get divorced than lose her)

WowOoo · 23/01/2015 20:19

If I'm truly honest I prefer things to be in their 'place' and to have well used spaces and surfaces to be clutter free. It does bother me. It makes getting up early the next day easier for us all.

Whether it's like this or not depends upon hours worked, hours slept and levels of 'do I give a shit today?'

I do prefer a 'lived in' kind of house to an immaculate one. I like seeing people's stuff - it says a lot about someone's personality and interests.

Shockers · 23/01/2015 20:40

My favourite home to visit is my friend's beautifully, interestingly, cluttered old house.

You can keep your sterile, laminate floored feature wallpapered, cushion filled, colour coordinated ornamented houses, I'd rather spend my time wondering at the fascinating array of 'stuff' in her home, or jostling the dogs/cats for prime position by her Aga.

As long as you smile; do the washing up; wipe the sides down; make sure the bathroom isn't offensive and get rid of the dust for those who sneeze, your home will be welcoming despite the clutter!

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