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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sitting here listening to DD scream?

51 replies

CrohnicallyCold · 21/01/2015 19:59

She's 2, and for some reason at bed time she started screaming and trying to climb out when I put her in bed. I've gone through hunger, thirst, pain etc, checked she has her favourite toys and a spare dummy, and nothing seems to actually be wrong. She's very articulate normally, and would usually be able to tell me if she was scared or uncomfortable.

I tried cuddling her, which stopped her crying until I tried to lay her down again. I tried comforting her while she lay in bed, but this infuriated her more. I tried persuading/bribing her to lie quietly. I tried the old 'mummy just needs to pop to the toilet then I'll be back' trick.

But she just won't stop screaming. I've had to leave her before I lose it too.

She's in a toddler bed with just a bed guard up, so if she really wanted to she could follow me. But so far she hasn't and she now seems to just be screaming out of temper/for the sake of it rather than actual distressed screaming, and since I left the room (10 minutes or so) there has at least been short quiet gaps, while I was in there she was just non stop screaming.

So AIBU to just leave her to it?

OP posts:

Original poster

CrohnicallyCold · 21/01/2015 20:01

It's all gone quiet, so I'm using her old baby monitor (with video) to check on her and she doesn't seem to be moving, hopefully she's fallen asleep. I just hope we're not in for a bad night.

OP posts:

theRotcod · 21/01/2015 20:05

Hi op, I've only got a 6 month old so have no experience but I hope she stays asleep for the night. Maybe she'll be more up to telling you why she was upset in the morning.

FiveExclamations · 21/01/2015 20:09

Has she has an especially tiring day? Or not eaten much? My DD only went thermonuclear if overtired or really hungry, she was articulate at other times too, just got too het up to explain herself.

Tinuviel · 21/01/2015 20:12

I seem to remember DS1 doing this for a few nights running when he was about 2. We used controlled crying but it was horrendous for those 3 nights. Then he went back to going to bed as normal. He then did it again once. No idea what caused it but he is now a 6 ft 17 year old and doesn't seem to be scarred by me walking out of the room before I joined in.

Original poster

CrohnicallyCold · 21/01/2015 20:18

Yes to the tiring day, but she did have a late afternoon nap so shouldn't have been over tired. Food wise, she could have been hungry I guess, but she breastfeeds before bed and seemed satisfied (declined an offer of more and got up by herself) up until the point she started the screaming.

I went to make a drink and she heard me and screeched a couple more times, so she's not asleep just given up screaming for now. That makes me feel a little better actually, at least she's not totally exhausted herself through screaming, and she won't fall asleep all stressed still.

OP posts:

Chavaloy · 21/01/2015 20:19

We had a little phase of this just before DS was 2. Not sure what caused it - he'd been a fab sleeper from 3 months. But he suddenly struggled getting to sleep and then when he did he woke up screaming. It seemed to be about fear and being apart from me (that was my guess anyway). I went against all my beliefs (for my sanity) and ended up sleeping on the floor next to him if he woke. He phase only lasted 3 weeks. Never been repeated. Does she have a night light in her room - she could be scared of the dark?

BlinkAndMiss · 21/01/2015 20:23

My DS does this when he's coming down with something, last time it was flu. He doesn't seem overly clingy in the day but at bedtime he just won't let me leave so then I know he's getting ill, it could be something similar.

Original poster

CrohnicallyCold · 21/01/2015 20:25

She is scared of the dark, she has told us that many times! So she has a couple of night lights, one is a glow pet thing that goes in bed with her. I think if that was the problem, she'd have been able to tell me, or if it was one of her other fears (like the big bad wolf)

She has been fussy when waking in the night, I think it's teething (last ones, yay!), so I've been taking her into the spare bed with me when she wakes. But then she slept through 1 night, and the next night she woke but was happy to go back to her own bed. But this is the first time (ever?) that she's not wanted to go to sleep in her own bed.

OP posts:

Original poster

CrohnicallyCold · 21/01/2015 20:27

blink I hope not- she was poorly only last week (one of those short lived tummy things).

OP posts:

goodbyeyellowbrickroad · 21/01/2015 20:33

Could she have an ear infection? They hurt much more when you lie down.

DisappointedOne · 21/01/2015 21:11

I hope the next time you feel sad, angry or upset your significant other leaves you in a room alone and just carries on as normal while you break your heart.

pointythings · 21/01/2015 21:22

2 is peak age for separation anxiety. I think leaving her alone will be utterly counterproductive. I'd be doing gradual withdrawal instead - it's a phase and it won't last.

My DD1 had this just before she turned 2, she had previously been the best sleeper EVER. With her it was waking in the early hours and refusing to go back down. I slept in her room with her on a mattress on the floor. All I needed to do was say 'It's OK, Mummy's here' and she'd go back down. And so would I. It took 6 weeks but there was no screaming - well worth it IMO.

ilikebaking · 21/01/2015 21:22

Well disappointed one when you go to, perfect parent heaven, don't get too lonely, will you, eh?

DropYourSword · 21/01/2015 21:31

disappointedone Did you miss this in the OP:

But she just won't stop screaming. I've had to leave her before I lose it too.

The OP did exactly the right thing by leaving at this point. I think you are exceptionally rude for being so judgemental.

hanban89 · 21/01/2015 21:34

Nights like these are horrible, but when my DD does this she is usually not feeling well and within a day or so has a bug. She has always been the same. Like you say if she really wanted to come out of bed she could, so as long as she is staying put I would say just leave her. It could just be something she has got in her head that she wants to do. The test will be if she does it over the next couple of nights. And if it's a phase it will pass once you figure out what's the best way for you to deal with it.
Hugs to you xxx

codandchipstwice · 21/01/2015 21:35

Just a random q but are you pregnant? Mine all went like this when I was pregnant, ended up doing cc/gradual withdrawal as my mental health really really suffers from lack of sleep.

Good luck OP

DisappointedOne · 21/01/2015 23:15

I didn't miss it, no. An adult should have sufficient emotional co trip not to "lose it" when a small child is having a meltdown. The child isn't emptionally mature and needs help to process the anger/fear/sadness, not being left to it while mum goes to make a cuppa.

CuttedUpPear · 21/01/2015 23:18

Do you actually have children of your own Disappointed?

Springcleanish · 21/01/2015 23:27

I think you've done the right thing, even now she's eleven my daughter still finds it more difficult to regain control if she's having a meltdown when I'm in the room. She's been like it from about two as well. She goes through phases of tears and doesn't know why, but is much better, after a cuddle, to be left to cry and sort herself out knowing I'm just downstairs if she wants me.

You've not left her, you've given her space and that seems to be working for both of you if she calmed down for a bit. Just keep checking, and cuddling if she wants. Good luck, I hope you get some sleep.

wellysrule · 21/01/2015 23:36

My kids certainly needed their space at that age. If I had done 'controlled' crying or sleeping next to them or tried to be in the same room as them it would have antagonised them. Jeez, sometimes we all need a good meltdown, lucky her for being able to have it as opposed to someone very close to her trying to 'make it all ok'. She may not even know exactly what it's about.
So no, you weren't being unreasonable, leave her to it, and if it continues invest in soundproofing in her bedroom!

DisappointedOne · 21/01/2015 23:57

^ and a nice heavy padlock so she can't get out and disturb you.

[/sarcasm]

Yes cutteduppear, I do.

DisappointedOne · 21/01/2015 23:59

The OP hasn't "given them space"! Doing that would involve words like "I'll be just outside/on the stairs/in the next room if you want me, darling" not "mummy's going to the loo" (and not coming back)!

wobblyweebles · 22/01/2015 01:02

If I screamed at my husband for hours on end I'd expect him to leave the room :-/

GingerCuddleMonster · 22/01/2015 01:34

at perfect parenting heaven yeah I'm not going there and DS is only 6mo, yesterday he decided to back arch and scream for no apparent reason so I just let him, he calmed down after 2minutes and wanted a cuddle then.

taking a step back for a breather sounds like the best thing you could do OP. If you go back in do you think she will start screaming again? I'd be tempted but as they say curiosity killed the cat or in this instance infurated a toddler further.

FoxHugs · 22/01/2015 01:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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