To be really annoyed with my mother

[manchestermummy]

She's always had a thing about my weight. When I was 7 she marched me to the GP and decided I was fat. I was a bit chubby, sure, but I had almost a completely sedentary childhood and poor diet. At 7, that wasn't my fault.

I lost a ton of weight at university (I was probably top skinny tbh) and over the years, I have put on a bit. I'd like to be 1.5 stone lighter, and I have lost around 6 lb since Oct-ish. Being more careful than usual (being told I was fat aged 7 means that I have never really gorged), exercising regularly etc.

She has just told me that one of my coats is too small. It absolutely is not. Tight, in fact. I have worn it over two layers and a jacket recently and did all the buttons fine.

I am annoyed.

My mum is horribly unhealthy. She smokes a lot, has COPD and even without that, has a crap diet and would never walk any journey.

There's a song doing the rounds and one of the lyrics is "My mother, she told me, don't worry about your size" well apparently my "size" is a problem.

I am actually a 12. I was wearing a size 10 dress the other day.

AIBU to think she should button it?

yanbu.

YA definitely NBU. Your mother is a bully.

Your mum sounds quite nasty and on that basis I would tell her that is she hasn't got anything nice to say then she beat say nothing at all.

You sound remarkable switched on and healthy about it all in spite of your mums twisted views. Good on you.

Also I managed not to put on weight over Christmas.

She has very strange views about weight. Always has had. What sort of parent tells their child they cannot try dance because they are "too fat". Yes, readers, she actually did.

Blimey sounds like she has major projection issues going on!

YANBU

I feel for you. My whole family has made 'fat' jokes at my expense for over 20 years. One classic constant was 'your too big fit most spaces'. The thing is, apart from a couple of years where I did go up to a size 18 (I think it was brought on by low self-esteem after years of these remarks), I've been around the size 12-14 area. I'm top heavy (big tatas :p) and taller than most people so overall in proportion. However, it still gets to me, when it gets pointed out how little and skinny the rest of my family are. Had one relative inform me that she had some clothes to pass on, but they wouldn't do for me because I'm not 'slim like the rest of the family'. Given up on getting annoyed with them, I just remind certain members of my family there's a difference between being slim and being healthy.

She sounds cruel. My mum pointed out my weight when I was 10 and my face started burning. I wasn't fat either just a bit chubby. I fitted in clothes for my age but it put me off eating the things I enjoyed. I was a size 14 after giving birth and got back down to a 10. I wouldn't even class size 14 as fat tbh. My size has never affected me in life

Sounds like my mum. I got told at Christmas I was looking well but still needed to lose my baby belly :( As a (not fat!) teenager looking for a snack with a friend, she said to us "'friend' can get away with it, you can't.' Her mum does this to her still, so I know where it comes from but still. And she genuinely wonders why I've suffered with poor self esteem.

The more I think about it the crosser I get.

I bet if you pointed out how unhealthy she is, she would act mortally wounded and you would be made out to be the biggest bitch in the world.

I gave up on the smoking thing a very long time ago. No point.

Sounds like my mum. I don't think she does it maliciously, but she just can't say anything nice about me. Im size 12 and fat, my sister is a 6 and too thin. My mum is very short and size 16, has an awful diet and will not do any kind of exercise, never has since she left school, but if challenged will argue the toss until the other person loses the will to live. So in her case I think she is just generally deluded, and living in her own little weird world. I have learned not to take it to heart. She is critical of everything else about us too, me more so than my sister as I have kids so there are more targets. It's not nice at all.

My mother was always weird about this. When I was a child she would regularly back me into a corner and harangue me about it "for your own good". I particularly remembering her saying once for some reason that she didn't think I'd be able to go to my father's office because the stairs wouldn't take my weight. OK, it was an old building, but as there were people working there regularly who were double and treble my size it was hardly likely to be a problem. It was totally counter-productive of course, because I refused to diet as I was not going to give her the satisfaction of thinking I was paying any attention to her, and I comfort-ate.

One of her many rants was of course that I would never get a boyfriend. She refused to acknowledge it when she was proved wrong several times over, but she did eventually shut up about the entire subject - not sure whether it was because she realised that I wasn't listening and that none of her doomy forecasts were coming true, or whether she finally realised that alienating me would ultimately hurt nobody but her. To this day if she sees someone overweight on TV she will comment on it with a horrible kind of relish. But at least nowadays I can and do challenge her on it every time, which is more than I felt able to do when I was younger.

My favourite, when I was going through the whole teenage "nobody will ever love meeeee" angst was that "one day, someone will look at you and find you attractive". I simply never believed any male liked me (not true!).