About DD fathers unfairness...

[OstrichNeck]

Hi,

Just some advice please..

I must start by saying that he has her religiously one night per week & every other weekend. But that's it. That's all he does.
He hasn't been to parents evening/school fetes for years - all the stuff that I (willingly & happily) have to take time out of work & Uni to do.

I take her to a class (which he initiated) twice weekly and now has several events - all of which cost money & he can't do any of these either. Also asked him could he have her for a few days whilst I am away with work. No response.

I have asked him whether it would be ok that I book a holiday this year and take her away around her birthday - ensuring that he would spend time with her immediately before or after. (I am on very limited availability with work/exams and it just so happens we could go then). He said no.

AIBU to think that he can't be arsed to do a lot, especially of the 'not-so-fun-sometimes-a-pain-in-the-butt-stuff' so therefore he shouldn't have the right to dictate when I can or cannot take her away to do the fun stuff that he appears to think he has the monopoly on.....???

YANBU

You don't have to ask him to go on holiday. Just book it and go. He suits himself why shouldn't you.

Does your contact agreement have any provision for holidays. My exdh and I agreed half the school holiday each with alternate half terms.

There is no reason you can not take her on holiday, maybe you should not ask him, just tell him. By asking you are giving him the opportunity to say no. Go back and ask why and if there is not a vaild reason, book your holiday.

Mine is a bit like this, one day during the week, every other weekend and half the holidays. Has got bored of parents evenings etc, though mine are teenagers now. They change the contact to suit them now.

Are you planning to take DD abroad or this country? If this country I would tell him you are booking it. If he wishes to rearrange access around these dates let you know.

If it is abroad it is slightly more complicated and does he have pr?

He would look pretty stupid in court my ex wants to take my daughter on holiday and I would miss my 1 day a fortnight.

How old is DD?

If the op wishes to leave the uk then she does need his consent unless she has a residency order (from before they stopped doing them)

Thanks for replies. We do have a contact arrangement but we just take school holidays as they come. I work a lot, he works adhoc & his partner is a SAHM, so just when it suits them really, otherwise I arrange childcare and use leave.

I always try to be courteous with him that's why I asked, with it being her birthday (even though 3 years ago, she came our of hospital after being hit by a car and he didn't come to see her that Xmas - she wasn't mobile. yes I'm still peeved at that Mother advises that after all of these years, I am still letting him dictate to me, rather pisses OH off too!

She is 9 and it would be abroad. I have full PR & have taken her abroad before.

I can't wait until DD is able to arrange her own contact.. I think she will be at home a lot more!

So tempted to just book....

So go. He can't stop you going on a genuine short family holiday (ie less than three weeks).

And I wouldn't carry on with any activity my Ex instigated which cost me money and time but not him. And that would be a lesson learned.