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AIBU?

To think my long distance relationship is a joke?

30 replies

CoffeeBeanJean · 05/01/2015 13:36

Boyfriend (for want of a better word) lives 140 miles away. When we first got together we agreed we would see each other every weekend (with him coming here mostly as he has no commitments) and me going there now and again. This was his idea as he knew I didn't really want a long distance relationship because of the lack of time we'd spend together.

Anyway we agreed to give it a go.

The "every weekend" thing soon dropped down to "every other weekend" with him saying he needed every other weekend to see friends etc plus he said it was expensive. Everytime I suggested visiting HIM he put me off.

So you'd think he'd make the effort to get here early saturday right? well no - he needs to "relax" saturday morning - then he needs to get his hair cut (every two weeks??!!) and then he has "errands" to do - so basically he gets to my house for around 5pm every other saturday night. He then makes an excuse to go on my computer EVERYTIME as soon as he gets here and spends an hour on car forums and then, around 6pm I get his attention . Sunday is a washout as he insists on sleeping in until 11am at the earliest (much later if I let him, has been known to sleep in until 2pm) and then leaves again around 4pm sunday.

What IS the point?! sick of it now.

Plus he never has any money so we can never really do anything when he's here anyway. Funnily enough, he always has enough money for the latest xbox game though he thinks I'M being unreasonable and "high maintenance"

OP posts:

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NickiFury · 05/01/2015 13:38

Dump him then. Don't think either of you are getting much out of it are you?

ticktactoegivemeago · 05/01/2015 13:39

How old is he? Why can't you take it in turns to go there? Have you asked him why he keeps putting you off?

CoffeeBeanJean · 05/01/2015 13:41

Last time I called it all off he turned up on my doorstep crying saying he couldn't lose me. Made me think he actually DID think something about me and so I agreed to give it another go. That next weekend he got to my house for 2pm, went on the computer until 4pm and stayed in bed the next morning until 12. I see all these other couples out walking on sunday mornings or away for the weekend or whatever and I think I could have someone like that.

OP posts:

CoffeeBeanJean · 05/01/2015 13:41

Yes he said his house is a mess plus he lives with his parents. He's 31.

OP posts:

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 05/01/2015 13:42

Dump him. Problem solved.

pickles184 · 05/01/2015 13:43

I have to agree, precisely what is in this relationship for you? It doesn't sound as though you like each other much at all and far better to cut your losses now. Of course there could be more to the situation, perhaps it is worth having a conversation about how unhappy you are about the current set up and see if there is room for compromise, but really it sounds as though you have very different expectations and needs.

VanitasVanitatum · 05/01/2015 13:44

Good God, he sounds completely dull and absolutely not into this relationship. Ditch him again, ignore him when he cries on the doorstep and find someone who actually wants to be with you and spend time with you.

MorelliOrRanger · 05/01/2015 13:45

Dump him. This is a waste of your time. If he cries on your doorstep tell him to make more effort.

LongDistanceLove · 05/01/2015 13:45

Get rid, I wouldn't be surprised if he's actually attached tbh.

I'm in a long distance relationship, he's 4000 miles away though, both of us would move heaven and earth to be able to spend a weekend together.

fabfiftyfox · 05/01/2015 13:46

You are his 'booty call'. If you are OK with that set up, fine, if not them dump him.

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/01/2015 13:47

Good grief. There IS no point.

MorelliOrRanger · 05/01/2015 13:48

His excuse for you not going there is his house is a mess? That's really lame.

Definitely dump him. What exactly are you getting out of this relationship?

WooWooOwl · 05/01/2015 13:48

You want different things out if the relationship.

Stop trying to change him and find someone you are compatible with.

Surreyblah · 05/01/2015 13:49

Sounds like a bf I had when 19 and it was annoying enough at that age. Find someone better and more local?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 05/01/2015 13:52

its not a relationship by sounds of it. he just dosses round your house every other weekend. If it was I'd dump him. Wouldn't even wait to see him in person to do it I'd dump him by text he is worth that little.

AMumInScotland · 05/01/2015 13:53

So, he turns up once a fortnight and gives you some attention around (I'm guessing...) a meal and a shag, has a lie in then goes home?

I can see the benefit from his point of view, but not from yours. Dump. Ignore the crocodile tears.

CheeseBuster · 05/01/2015 13:53

I think doing all the travelling gets hard and tiring but he probably doesn't want you staying at his parents house. I am in this position right now, living at parents temporally whilst DP is 2hours away. It's hard to get exited about sitting on trains.

Can't you meet halfway in a hotel? Although you do sound mismatched, you wanting Sunday morning walks and him wanting lie ins. And tbh grown men playing computer games is so unattractive.

CheeseBuster · 05/01/2015 13:54

How long have you been together?

LaurieFairyCake · 05/01/2015 13:54

"31, lives with his parents, plays x-box."

I have literally never wanted to fuck anybody less

Gawjushun · 05/01/2015 13:54

He sounds more like the world's rudest house guest than a boyfriend. I did the long distance thing in my early 20s, but unless you have a clear plan for the future then it seems utterly pointless as you get older.

What exactly do you get out of this arrangement other than a couple of shags every fortnight? Find someone local who is willing to invest time in your relationship and shares your interests.

Unexpected · 05/01/2015 14:00

What was the initial attraction to this man? Because I can't see how you could have got together in the first place? What does he add to your life now? And what does he mean you can't visit because his house is a mess - he doesn't even have a house, he lives with his parents!!! I think it is time to move on from this man, who doesn't make you happy and seems to have no redeeming features.

Hissy · 05/01/2015 14:02

"31, lives with his parents, plays x-box."

I have literally never wanted to fuck anybody less

HELL YEAH to this

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BringMeTea · 05/01/2015 14:09

Laurie aye, get rid immediately OP.

Hatespiders · 05/01/2015 14:13

I can't think of a single redeeming feature of this totally rubbish non-relationship.

You must have a very low self-esteem to put up with this 'arrangement'.
The man sounds extremely immature, feckless and is so obviously 'not into you'. Crying on your doorstep indeed! What a prat!

Please have a long think about why you can't tell people like this to sod off. Do you feel you're not entitled to anything better? Well you are!!
Find a man who is desperate to see you, pays you lots of attention when he does, and Makes You Happy.

Henbur1702 · 05/01/2015 14:15

So, in a nutshell, he gets to come to your house and do all the stuff his mum no doubt nags him not to do, whilst you get ........... what exactly?

Waste of space, if he's like this now when he hardly sees you, think how he'd be if the honeymoon period was over and you actually lived together!

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