To want to move home?

[BMO]

DH and I are at loggerheads over this.

We currently live in a big city, about 40 miles away from my home town. Before we had children we lived in the city centre and went out a lot, but now live in a not brilliant residential area, schools are ok, small house with a small garden, and never go out. Childcare is very expensive here too.

I think we'd have much better quality of life in my hometown. My parents are both semi-retired and would love to help with childcare, local nurseries are all outstanding, there are several very good primary schools and a good secondary. It's a safe and pleasant place for children to grow up.

DH isn't keen though. He thinks it is boring, poorly connected and I think finds my family a bit much.

Don't know how to move forward with this. I honestly think it would be much better for the children, and for us as a family. AIBU?

Well it wouldn't be much better for you as a family if he's not happy - you're going to have to tread very carefully here. Don't force the issue - if you end up in hometown with him bored and miserable, life will be tough.

Is there any rush for a decision?

Is there a compromise eg closer to your hometown so childcare from GP more feasible but not actually in home town? Can see your DH might not want to move to your town close to your parents and see lots of your family regularly as could feel left out or not having his needs considered, however practical such a move might be for everyone else.

Or does your DH have an alternative suggestion eg different area?

How old are the DC? Would it be very disruptive to move them and then move back to the city if DH really does hate it? (not sure if this is viable renting/buying/selling etc. but if it is a possibility)

Can you reassure DP about how often he would 'have' to see your family and agree that as a condition of moving?

How are connections from hometown to the big city? Would you go for day trips/ evenings out to get culture/nightlife etc. that your hometown might not get?

ARe there any compromises say halfway between HT and BC - where you could get good childcare, nearer to your family but still close to the city?

And how would the move it impact your jobs and commute?

I sympathise btw - we're in a big city (but near DP's family nowhere near mine), and I'm currently thinking about a move to a smaller town nearer my hometown. It is tricky because nowhere gives you everything and different things important to different people.

DH wants to stay where we are. I am not keen on the area, when we moved here I said we'd give it 3-5 years and we've been here 2, but it isn't really growing on me.

I would compromise on a nearby, slightly bigger town but I think the kids would then miss out on some of the positives of being able to pop in and see nanny, meet cousins at the park etc.

There isn't a rush as such but I think if we are going to move it would be a good idea to do it in the next couple of years before DC2 starts pre-school.

How are connections from hometown to the big city? Would you go for day trips/ evenings out to get culture/nightlife etc. that your hometown might not get?
To be honest, connections from my hometown aren't great - DH's biggest complaint really. It's an hour or so drive to our current city or 45mins-1hr to another city. 20 minute drive to the nearest town with a train connection. BUT, DH almost never goes out as it is! Honestly can't remember the last night he went out with friends, we very occasionally go out together (usually to the pub if we are visiting my parents as they will babysit) so I don't feel we're going to miss out on much.

Would it help to book a self-catering place there for a week or so's holiday and see if you find places you might go out together, things DH might like to do etc.? Or do you both know it so well already that wouldn't give you anything new?

Actually I think that's a brilliant idea - he does know the town but only in terms of visiting my family really.