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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish my DH did care?

25 replies

Elfina · 31/12/2014 22:01

I've just realised that I'm 10kg heavier than I was before I had DD two years ago.

DH says he's surprised, and that he's not bothered. He's taller than me, and now, weighs less than me.

AIBU to wish that he would give a shit, or have even noticed? I failed to believe that he hasn't, and I suspect he's being 'nice'...

OP posts:

SackAndCrack · 31/12/2014 22:03

My 'd'p always gave a shit.

My next one will be like yours as love me regardless. So YABU in that sense.

SackAndCrack · 31/12/2014 22:04

Fwiw he probably does care. Way beyond weight. That's the thing.

WonkoTheSane42 · 31/12/2014 22:04

You often don't notice weight changes in someone you see every day, as it happens gradually. Would you want him to be a dick about it? Maybe he is genuinely not shallow.

Sn00p4d · 31/12/2014 22:05

You say you've 'just realised' so it obviously isn't noticeable or worth bothering about, even to you, carrier of the weight.
YABU.

ILovePud · 31/12/2014 22:06

Surely that's better than him monitoring and commenting negatively on your weight gain. My DH's weight goes up and down in about a two stone range and honestly I never notice.

Tobyjugg · 31/12/2014 22:26

Maybe he loves you and not your weight?

saturnvista · 31/12/2014 22:40

Yes, you are. You're bloody lucky.

CallMeExhausted · 31/12/2014 22:41

I have had a spinal cord injury since I met DH, he met me weighing 11 stone (on a 5'10" frame), thin and muscular. Now, I weigh significantly more than that - have no muscle tone below my level of injury, and DH hasn't commented. I KNOW I weigh more, don't need him pointing it out.

So, since he hasn't said "oi, you are getting fat!" the he is somewhat at fault for not pointing it out?

Your clothing didn't give you a hint?

Perhaps you should be happy he still cares for you and not your size?

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 31/12/2014 22:45

Do you know how you would like him to have responded or brought this up, in an ideal hypothetical reality?

ToffeeCaramel · 31/12/2014 22:56

If I'd had to think of the perfect response for a dp to have made in that situation it would have been pretty similar to the one he made tbh. What would you have preferred he said?

ShadowSuperNova · 31/12/2014 23:00

If the weight's crept on over 2 years, it would be perfectly normal for him to not notice.

He'll see you every day, you'll only have put on a tiny amount each day, so he won't have noticed any difference day to day. IME big changes in weight are only easily and obviously spotted if it's in someone you only see rarely.

And as for giving a shit - surely it's better that he loves you for yourself rather than what the numbers on the scale say?

puntasticusername · 31/12/2014 23:12

YABU. People who love you love YOU, not how your body happens to look at any particular point in time.

I was just looking back at a photo of my adored DH that I took earlier today, and suddenly realised that it showed him with a massive double chin. He hates his double chin, thinks it looks dreadful, is very embarrassed about it, is going to hate this particular photo.

I hadn't seen it at all until now. It's just a beautiful photo of my lovely DH holding our lovely DS.

SorchaN · 01/01/2015 03:42

I'm pretty sure my partner has put on some weight in the last couple of years, but it's not something I think about much... Not because I don't care about him, but because my attraction to him isn't dependent on his physical size - I'm much more interested in other things! My own weight fluctuates according to how well I'm able to manage my disability, and I'd be really pissed off if he had anything to say about it!

slithytove · 01/01/2015 03:53

What form might his "giving a shit" take?

Telling you you are fatter? Look better/worse? That he fancies you more/less? Forcing you to diet?

I'm really confused what you want from him.

Original poster

Elfina · 01/01/2015 12:27

Thank you for all your responses! I think you're all right - the alternative would be that he didn't like the way I am now. Thinking more about it, u think it might be my own personal self-esteem issues rearing their head; if I don't like me, why should he? I should probably work on that

OP posts:

slithytove · 01/01/2015 13:09

Yes. And be happy your DH loves you however you are.

And in fairness, 10 kg is about 2 stone? Depending on where it's gone and the size you were to start, it really might not be that noticeable, especially if you were fluctuating during pregnancies.

If you want to lose weight, do it for you

greenfolder · 01/01/2015 13:12

yabu unless there is more behind your relationship.

my husband has never criticised me for my weight. one of the many reasons i love him.

however · 01/01/2015 13:18

But...you've only just realised yourself?

Original poster

Elfina · 01/01/2015 13:54

No, I knew that of put weight on, but I only realised yesterday (when looking through some maternity notes) that I am heavier now than when I was 6 months pregnant. That was a shock.

OP posts:

Rebecca2014 · 01/01/2015 14:05

My horrible ex never made comments about my weight. There are some things you never say to a woman! I think most men know that!

TooHasty · 01/01/2015 14:11

Poor guy! He really can't win, can he?

TheyThinkImCool · 01/01/2015 14:17

I actually don't think you are being unreasonable. If started putting on weight or let myself go in any way I would want my DP to tell me, and I know for sure he would in the nicest way possible.

Babiecakes11 · 01/01/2015 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 01/01/2015 14:28

I married DW when she was 9st 11, and we celebrated our Silver at 14st 6. Desire comes from who she is, not what she looks like. Her feet are warmer too, which is not to be sneezed at.

CalleighDoodle · 01/01/2015 16:30

A friend if mine had IBS and gained a lot of weight at one point. She then lost a lot of it. She was upaet i hadnt noticed. I said it's ecause i didnt notice the weight gain as i always just see her as the Hannah i met. In my head she still looks the same as she did in 6th form, when we swapped our size 10 clothes!

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